The first time I quit drinking for any length of time (5 years), I wasn?t aware we tend to switch from one escapism to another. Over the years there have been starts and stops as well as overlaps. Here are the ?seats? my butt has occupied getting my ass in trouble:
GAMBLING: Age 6. My dad sporting a bourbon & water in one hand, flipped a coin with the other declaring he?d pay me a dollar if I called the toss correctly. My timid response ?heads? earned me that buck. He replied ?Double or nothing?? I nodded and now bravely hollered ?Tails!? I had a good buzz going by my 3rd round and was ready for more. I don?t recall whether I said Heads or Tails next. This was my first black-out. However I do vividly recall, I lost. Forty+ years later I have never gambled again, but the dice has kept on rolling in other risky games.
TV: Ongoing issue. Comedy drowned out my parents? drama over dad?s drinking. My 2 bothers and I used to fight over the remote control for our ?show? of choice. If they got to the TV first; it had the comparative effect of someone drinking all of my booze later in life.
FOOD: Ongoing issue when drinking. I was not blessed with my mother?s petite frame or red hair. My mother fed me cottage cheese, took Polaroids to show me how pudgy I looked in various outfits and declared I would never find a good man since I wasn?t pretty. (I guess this was her worst fear for me given her own predicament.) I believed her and thought ?What?s the use in even trying.? These days when I reminisce through the family photo box; my head now understands I was a darn cute kid, but my heart is another matter. Drinking would later quiet these demons but firmly affix them to my thunder thighs and bodacious belly.
SHOPLIFTING: Teenager. Golly am I really going to admit this one?! Peer pressure and the need to fit in was the driving force here until I got caught and sent off to girl?s school.
POT: Teenager. Pretty much the same crowd as my shoplifting buddies. When I got to girls? school; I quickly learned that no one smoked pot for fear of getting kicked out due to easily being caught by the smell. My new classmates? last names were household words like Rockefeller and Roosevelt. They could afford any drug ? cocaine or prescriptions for valium, so they didn?t need pot. But these girls had one thing I did not ? money. Thus I was spared from drug use.
BOYS: HS & College. It was no competition. The bottle always got more attention than I did from my dad. So I didn?t have a healthy male role model and was smitten when the adolescent boys wanted my ?company?.
SMOKING: 14 Years. Both of my parents smoked. Never did get ?Do as I say, not as I do.?
DRINKING: Started when I was 16 but didn?t become problematic until age 27. I had just quit smoking 2 months earlier when I met my future hubby. He was Italian, tall, dark and handsome as well as a heavy smoker with a European lifestyle where the wine flowed at all meals and events. The glass of wine replaced the cigarette in my habit nervous hand. I gained weight. A lot. Soon my dashing husband was scampering in and out of other women?s lives. After 2 years of no sex at age 37, I quit drinking and lost the weight. But hubby already had a taste of freedom thus I found a new diversion.
MEN: Sadly the therapist responsible for sending me to AA and getting me sober (a recovering alcoholic himself) took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. Once again I had simply switched one escapism for another ? I was looking for love in the wrong place. My therapist (the-rapist) had also switched up vices by becoming a sex addict. Five years of sobriety was built on a weak foundation. Divorce and drinking again was just a matter of time.
INTERNET/EMAIL: After splitsville, I found online dating. My computer mouse, looking for interesting cheese, had scurried around my wrist a dozen times, tying me to my PC screen. I was spellbound in a transference daze and could only lift one finger: the clicking finger. Rhythmically, I clicked away every few minutes, searching for food ? the next e-mail in my inbox ? to fill my inner emptiness and ease the boredom in my life.
MWO: Praying for support in curbing my drinking, I stumble on My Way Out on a random Google. Finally a far healthier addiction ? reading and posting here! Yahoo! The first week I lived here while waiting on the book, CDs and supplements to arrive. At Day 23 AF, clear thinking was able to show me that even a positive thing like surfing MWO needs to be done in moderation. I have a job and a life that needs my attention too. The bottle has kept me away from things that bring me happiness for too long.
Signed, Often N2-It-all instead of Intuitive
GAMBLING: Age 6. My dad sporting a bourbon & water in one hand, flipped a coin with the other declaring he?d pay me a dollar if I called the toss correctly. My timid response ?heads? earned me that buck. He replied ?Double or nothing?? I nodded and now bravely hollered ?Tails!? I had a good buzz going by my 3rd round and was ready for more. I don?t recall whether I said Heads or Tails next. This was my first black-out. However I do vividly recall, I lost. Forty+ years later I have never gambled again, but the dice has kept on rolling in other risky games.
TV: Ongoing issue. Comedy drowned out my parents? drama over dad?s drinking. My 2 bothers and I used to fight over the remote control for our ?show? of choice. If they got to the TV first; it had the comparative effect of someone drinking all of my booze later in life.
FOOD: Ongoing issue when drinking. I was not blessed with my mother?s petite frame or red hair. My mother fed me cottage cheese, took Polaroids to show me how pudgy I looked in various outfits and declared I would never find a good man since I wasn?t pretty. (I guess this was her worst fear for me given her own predicament.) I believed her and thought ?What?s the use in even trying.? These days when I reminisce through the family photo box; my head now understands I was a darn cute kid, but my heart is another matter. Drinking would later quiet these demons but firmly affix them to my thunder thighs and bodacious belly.
SHOPLIFTING: Teenager. Golly am I really going to admit this one?! Peer pressure and the need to fit in was the driving force here until I got caught and sent off to girl?s school.
POT: Teenager. Pretty much the same crowd as my shoplifting buddies. When I got to girls? school; I quickly learned that no one smoked pot for fear of getting kicked out due to easily being caught by the smell. My new classmates? last names were household words like Rockefeller and Roosevelt. They could afford any drug ? cocaine or prescriptions for valium, so they didn?t need pot. But these girls had one thing I did not ? money. Thus I was spared from drug use.
BOYS: HS & College. It was no competition. The bottle always got more attention than I did from my dad. So I didn?t have a healthy male role model and was smitten when the adolescent boys wanted my ?company?.
SMOKING: 14 Years. Both of my parents smoked. Never did get ?Do as I say, not as I do.?
DRINKING: Started when I was 16 but didn?t become problematic until age 27. I had just quit smoking 2 months earlier when I met my future hubby. He was Italian, tall, dark and handsome as well as a heavy smoker with a European lifestyle where the wine flowed at all meals and events. The glass of wine replaced the cigarette in my habit nervous hand. I gained weight. A lot. Soon my dashing husband was scampering in and out of other women?s lives. After 2 years of no sex at age 37, I quit drinking and lost the weight. But hubby already had a taste of freedom thus I found a new diversion.
MEN: Sadly the therapist responsible for sending me to AA and getting me sober (a recovering alcoholic himself) took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. Once again I had simply switched one escapism for another ? I was looking for love in the wrong place. My therapist (the-rapist) had also switched up vices by becoming a sex addict. Five years of sobriety was built on a weak foundation. Divorce and drinking again was just a matter of time.
INTERNET/EMAIL: After splitsville, I found online dating. My computer mouse, looking for interesting cheese, had scurried around my wrist a dozen times, tying me to my PC screen. I was spellbound in a transference daze and could only lift one finger: the clicking finger. Rhythmically, I clicked away every few minutes, searching for food ? the next e-mail in my inbox ? to fill my inner emptiness and ease the boredom in my life.
MWO: Praying for support in curbing my drinking, I stumble on My Way Out on a random Google. Finally a far healthier addiction ? reading and posting here! Yahoo! The first week I lived here while waiting on the book, CDs and supplements to arrive. At Day 23 AF, clear thinking was able to show me that even a positive thing like surfing MWO needs to be done in moderation. I have a job and a life that needs my attention too. The bottle has kept me away from things that bring me happiness for too long.
Signed, Often N2-It-all instead of Intuitive
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