Petty stuff driving me to drink

[Bibby]

I feel bad posting this as some people have much worse problems than this but I just can't get over it without help.

I'm a 37 year old mum of 3 with massive insecurities/depression. I'm awaiting counselling to help me with this. The problem at the moment is one of the mum's in the school yard that I see every single day has taken exception to a small incident involving myself. I hasten to add I was sober, it was just a little disagreement over seating at at school meeting (I am claustrophobic - another symptom of my my depression) and she couldn't understand why I had to stay seated on an aisle seat. Being in the middle of a row of seats gives me panic attacks.

Since then she has blanked me. I apologised and explained my problem when I realised she had taken offence but she was horrible to me! I can't believe I'm 37 and this still bothers me. My daughter is a pretty insecure 3 year old and I worry she's going to get bullied like I was.

it's so petty. I should be able to rise above this but I feel everyone I come across will ultimately hate me or put me down. My daughter is going to suffer because I'm so pathetic. Can anyone help/sympathise? I need to get over this. It's ridiculous.:thanks:

[Mags]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hey Bibby

I think I have been there done that. It all relates to anxiety and depression - things I have way too much of also. Someone would tell me to move my foot an inch and I felt guilty. Some of this is purely psychological, no doubt about that. But some of it, I think, is also shame. Shame because you may be drinking too much and feel guilty about it.

You didn't mention your drinking patterns on this thread. Are you one of those closet people or a make a fool out of yourself in public person - or maybe both. I was both.

What is the best way to approach this? You have many friends here who will work through this with you. We all share the same disease and are healing each other.

We really want you to join us. :welcome:

[Bibby]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Mags

thanks for your reply. I'm a classic closet drinker. Always sober until I pick my daughter up then it's party time! I "need" it to relax, to stop worrying, etc, etc,

[MDBiker]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Bibby, one thing i found was that the alcohol was increasing the depresion at a mind boggeling rate. When I quit drinking the depression was much beytter.

bear

[wakupmom]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hi Bibby,Nice to meet you,and sorry your having a bad time.It sounds to me likeyou are suffering from the awfull lack of self worth,confidence that can happen when bringing up a young family,the drinking just causes it to spiral.I had a simular incident when my youngest was at playschool in that it left me feeling even lower than i did at the time.
How dare that women make you feel so bad.You appoligised that you didn't need to do,and she reacted like that.What sort of person does that.I hope you can rise above that and see her for what she is.I hope you have some support,and are not too isolated.As you get stronger and i am sure you will,you will deal with these incidents as they deserve-let it go.Take care and stay close xx

[Determinator]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

yes to all the above. Bibby, you sound like a nice person and that's wonderfull...just keep being yourself and setting a good example. As I grew up I heard all too many times that good guys finish last....what crap that is.... we need more nice people like you.

[panadol]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hi Bibby
I can really relate to what you are saying! The school thing for me has been
a real challenge to say the least. Felt very intimidated by alot of the parents.
I too think this relates to how i feel about myself i.e thinking that people won't want
to know me as i have nothing to offer. It's sad that a person such as yourself has
the sensitivity to make an apology and explanation to this horrible person only to be
rejected. I can only say that She is the one with the problem and it will come back
to bite Her one day. To be so ignorant of another human beings distress is very
low. I wish you all the best and know that there are people here that support you
Hugs Simo:l

[Beaches]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Bibby,
Sometimes it is the little, daily things that make us drink instead of the huge life altering ones. I found that I would drink just to get over the anxiety of the day. I also a mother a small children so I know those stresses very well.

Drinking too much and waking up the next morning feeling terrible only adds to the insecurities and anxieties of the day. Trust me I know. I would wake up self doubting my entire existance when I drank too much. I do agree that no one should make you feel bad about your decisions on where you want to sit or be at a school meeting and I think that once you feel better about yourself you will just shrug these people off as being petty and not needed in your life.
Best to you and stick around!!!

[YoungAtHeart]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

I agree with all of the above. This woman's behavior is a statement about her--not about you.

[gracie29]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

As most of the above - you are not the one with the issues and should apologize. I'm working through alot of issues but I still don't think I will feel comfortable being in a crowd of people (lots of people) without a way to get out. I put myself in those types of situations very seldom and then I have a routine to get me through it, I breath often, hang on tight to my husband and talk to myself the whole way through it. She's an uptight bitch who has issues of her own to work through - just an outsider looking in. Keep sitting in the aisle seat and the next time you see the uptight one say oh thanks for saving me my seat:-)

[gabby]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Welcome Bibby, Glad you joined us. We will save you an isle seat any and every time. And that other lady....we will save her one in the front row.

If there is any showin around we can do for ya let us know and just forget about her. She'll ask for us when she is ready.

hugs....

[jimbo]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hi Bibby,
Insecurities, stressors, triggers, or whatever you want to call it, is what drives all of us to drink, and we're no different from you and we've all allowed situations similar to yours take to the bottle. Feel some consolation in that fact.

As a matter of fact, everyone has many experiences such as yours during a lifetime. It only drives just some of us to drink. I'm a man, so forgive me here when I use an analogy about boxing to illustrate a point. Remember Iron Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis or Muhammad Ali? All great fighting champions, the most feared men on earth during their era. But they also have been beaten, pummeled, and knocked out by other fighters. Even the most feared men on the planet have been beaten. Happens to everyone in real life, men and women, both psychologically and physically. I believe that everyone on this forum can relate to this and if we're honest, can say that we've drunk the wine because of it.

Standing up to the bully (they always hate that) will be a psychological victory for you and will help to negate the trigger to drink. It's helped me and now I'm 34 days sober!

Good luck to you. You're appreciated and valued for your honest post.

jimbo

[Pisces]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hi and welcome!

Something that I have learned about recently through my psyciatrist is "mindfulness", It is helping me take control of my mind, and my thoughts, which in turn, ( i'm also taking Campral) is making me feel like a different person.

It's very interesting, and gets easier with practice, and in the most part has given me another great tool and some power over my emotions.

Just google 'mindfulness', there's heaps of info, and it's working for me ( I'm feeling really positive about it, lol, cant you tell!)

Luv Jas xx

[diamond]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Hi bibby,
I agree with everyone, i was like you sober until I got home then yeh, kick back and relax and relax until so relaxed I couldn't think straight !

I still avoid the school parent crowd, I don't know if you are in UK, but I hate the cliquey 'in-crowd'. I spoke to a woman once in the nursery and she just looked right at me in the eyes then turned away and didn't speak one word to me !!!

From then I learned my lesson, I used to be in and out of school like a commando !!
Now they are older I wait for them further down the street away from the gates and playground, I can't be doing with the stupidity.

I would say ignore them but it isn't easy so try and find a strategy to avoid the feelings or the situation, can you take a magazine with you and sit or stand nonchalantly reading it... I used to pretend to read something so I didn't have to look at them or feel left out standing on my own, then if anyone approaches you can act surprised and exclaim 'oh, sorry didn't see you there!''.

try and get some positive strategies going, then she will know she is history. She is at fault but if YOU show you don't care it will be a major stand for you !!

Good Luck
Diamond x

[Bibby]

Petty stuff driving me to drink

Just wanted to say thank you for your warm welcome and for your advice. It's great to know I'm not alone. I'm not obsessing as much about the incident but it's still there at the back of my mind. I will try and take strength from your support. You have all been so kind and made me realise I'm not alone and it's not the end of the world if someone doesn't like me.

thanks again