Looking back through my years with clarity and honesty....I must say I've not had a winning mindset. I got along and that was it for the most part. Things that I had passion for I put special attention into but that was it.
When I was a kid in school I recall standing on the sports field during a game and seeing the kids up front furiously fighting over the ball. I wondered why I didn't get to play much but the answer should have been obvious...I stayed to the back of the field and waited for the ball to come to me. I stood there just hoping...wishing it would come to me....but it rarely did. I felt lonely and frustrated.
I have a challenge with something so very important in my life...my battle with self destruction with alcohol. Over the years I've been saying things to myself like "I hope I do ok this weekend". etc. feeling like I'm not completely in control....mentally wringing my hands in dispair just trying to squeak by somehow. We'll that's crap. I'm sick of just squeaking by. I want to win.
in fact I don't want to just win, I want to dominate!
I don't want to just win this fight...I'm going for a first round knockout.
I don't want to just finish this race....I want to break the tape at the finishing line...look back and notice I can't even see who's in 2nd place because they are so far behind.
I want to break my own "world record" ....then immediately break it again.
if I can be strong enough to mod someday then fine...if not that's also fine. It's not changing this game...I have to win, and I want to.
My mindset is changing. I can feel it. It's starting to take form.
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