Struggling/Frustrated

[hart]

I can't seem to do more than string 2 AF days together. But that isn't the most frustrating part. I have been getting so irritable and depressed lately, flip sides of each other. I even shoved my cat off the bed meanly when she meowed loudly this morning and I wanted to sleep a little longer! That's not like me. I don't want to be irritable but I don't want to be depressed either. My stepson is coming over this weekend and I have already arranged to work 4-6 hours Saturday, a lot because I don't want him to be exposed to my irritable, depressed self any more than he has to be. And Joe and him can have some father/son time, usually it falls to me to interact w/Evan, Joe is just not naturally inclined to have fun like a kid like I USUALLY AM.

I called my doc before posting here and asked if I could either change meds or increase even more. They simply aren't working and I hate this.

So, if I am on the board and give an answer that's mean or am a wet blanket, please forgive me in advance. I'll try not to be that way but I don't feel like myself at all.:upset:

[Accountable for Me]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart :l :l :l

Good on you for calling your doctor. (Not that I am on a doctor pushing thing the last couple of days). My meds weren't working either.

One thing I vividly remember was being irritable and depressed when I first went AF. Also I believe yo-yo-ing from drinking to being AF could possibly set this into overdrive.

Let us know what your doctor says. In the meantime, keep on tryin'! :h

[lucky 2.0]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart,

Hope you are back to yourself soon. We are all sending good vibes your way.

Now, go find the kitty and apologize!

:h

[roxane]

Struggling/Frustrated

Accountable for Me;173712 wrote: Also I believe yo-yo-ing from drinking to being AF could possibly set this into overdrive.

:h

thats what I was thinking, rightly or wrongly. Its like you are going through the start of (mental) withdrawals only to sart at the beginning again. does that make sense to you?

roxane

[Michaela]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hang in there Hart. At least you are AWARE of how your acting and trying to protect others from it. I'm sure you will be feeling better soon. Things tend to get worse before they get better and hopefully your worse part is going away.

Take care.

Michaela

[Accountable for Me]

Struggling/Frustrated

Oh and please don't take 'yo-yo-ing' in a derogatory way. Roxane summed up exactly what I had meant by it. Starting and stopping is something we all have done. I know from my personal experience it just made me more frustrated and depressed. It is pretty hard on the mind and body. :l

[SK8RGRL]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart you sound so like me. 2 days is my bug bear too. I was doing exceptionally well last week and managed 6! 6 whole AF days, but have started drinking again. stupid stupid stupid. I do have wine tonight but my excuse is, i'm so excited about tomorrow and the kitties that I know I wont sleep so the booze will send me to la la land. Tomorrow I am gonna give it another go. afterall I will have my hands full. Do you want to join me, and work towards 3 days together. If you not drinking tonight you will already be 1 day ahead of me. have a lovely weekend xxx

[hart]

Struggling/Frustrated

((AFM, Micha, Roxane, Lucky)))

I'll apologize to Boop as soon as I get home, promise.

No I didn't take the yo-yoing thing wrong, that is how I feel. Last time I went AF for 33 days it didn't FEEL so hard. But then Joe was on board too, not that I am blaming him, I know I am responsible for me, but it did make it easier.

I am taking LO and Kudzu, which I wasn't so much last time, wonder if that makes a difference?

Anyway, thanx for your support, I just hate FEELING so b*tchy and/or teary eyed. I don't have monthlies so this isn't fair!

[hart]

Struggling/Frustrated

(((Max)))

I am so happy for you gettng your kittens! I would be lying if I told you I would join you this weekend. I am not totally ruling out AF but....I hope my doc calls back today and prescribes a new one. Heck maybe even a placebo if I can believe it, maybe it will work!

[Accountable for Me]

Struggling/Frustrated

hang in there, hon. Really, this will pass. One thing that helped me was to change up my routine a bit. Friday's were my hardest day.

My hubby - although mine is an arse for the most part has to quit drinking around me. I am not completely blaming him either, but with life's pressures and that familiar 'high' lingering around the house - I finally cracked. I told him that there has to be NO booze in the house and to not drink around me until I can get some crap sorted in my own wacked out brain.

I didn't mind at first but since being back together for almost 4 months, it is an every weekend thing with him. Once I felt a little, actually it was a lot stressed, I caved. ACK! I simply can't, can't, can't anymore!

I will get a divorce before I let this drinking thing take me down. If I have to be a lonely cat lady and sober, I will do just that. Anyway... enough of my self-pity.

Keep reaching out here. You will be OK. I understand where you are coming from in regards to having a drinking spouse. It really makes things hard.

[Guest]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hi Hart,
Am sorry to hear things aren`t so good with you right now..........just make sure the doc listens to you and gets you on the right meds.
Am also going to doc next week........am fine with the AF, but now realize that underlying depression has been a cause of much of my drinking.
Keep thinking positively..........it`ll all come together for you..........you`ll see!!!

Starlight Impress x

[hart]

Struggling/Frustrated

(((AFM, Janie, Starlight)))

Funny you should mention being a lonely cat lady. I knew one as a child, she lived in a trailer w/about 20+ cats, I thought it was pretty cool and I told my parents that's how I wanted to grow up.:H

Janie, you are such a sweet thing. Yeah I can be mean and a downer. Not my natural personality (I think) but I have my times.

Starlight, I know depression is an underlying cause of my wanting to drink too. I have forever surpressed emotions that I don't want to share, such as anger or feeling bad, I know it. And I know w/AF those emotions will come up. But not so hard and such a long time. I need a little time out! I want to see the funny side of life like I usually do.

Thanx for your understanding and suggestions.:l

[Accountable for Me]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart, I was just eating some lunch and thinking about you. I was wondering if you had in your budget to book a day at the spa for yourself? I think you need to take a few moments for yourself and be pampered. Sometimes a 'time out' should be away from the home, and not at work so you can be alone without any of your normal life surrounding you. Just a thought.

Most of us put everyone else first. It can become too much at times and dealing with drinking on top of it all, sometimes we need to really do something nice for ourselves. :l

[retteacher]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart: I'm on day 25 AF today, but the first 3 -5 days were absolutely the hardest. When a week went by I started to have fewer cravings. Also, I was very, very irritable in the beginning. My poor husband. I think that when I first started to get in touch w/reality, I got in touch w/a lot of old feelings that drinking numbed out, I didn't know how to handle them. I feel better now.

I still have temptations & spells of thinking about drinking, but they aren't as frequent. I know i cannot let my guard down. I've seen on MWO that many of the members w/long-term abs have had slips. So, I'll keep myself vigilant.

Good luck. If I can do it, you can too. Mary

[betty boop]

Struggling/Frustrated

Hart love, I'm feeling for you right now .....

You are certainly not yourself, look after yourself love .....

BB xx