a letter to my old sponsor

[karma7171]

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[nancy]

a letter to my old sponsor

This is a great letter, expressing a lot of important things many of us would no doubt agree wholeheartedly with. I wonder though, wouldn't you rather meet in person to have a two-way conversation, some give and take? Also, something in writing stays forever...

[Niblet]

a letter to my old sponsor

That is a truely mind opening letter which I feel you were aiming for.. You hit the nail on the head.. So true are your words. How empowering are your words.... Nicely written. I liked it alot.

[lucky 2.0]

a letter to my old sponsor

Karma,

You may want to shoot me for this but why not include this link in your letter?

Orange Papers

Yes, I am a bit of a provoker but everyone deserves information. But, @ some point it really is not worth the effort.

Continued success to you-

[AAthlete]

a letter to my old sponsor

I would agree with Nancy, and sorta wonder that the motive is behind the letter?

I will admit to being a member of AA as well, but will freely admit that if I was as miserable as you were I would've gotten out too. However, I'm guessing your sponsor will wish the best for you but expect to see you back in six months. It's sorta the nature of the AA beast (and I count my lucky stars that I found the awesome group that I did - sounds like the opposite of yours - and with MWO I am set).

Anyway, I am glad to hear that you are doing so well - that is awesome and keep up the great work.

[karma7171]

a letter to my old sponsor

all the things you said addressed

No, I would not like to meet her in person. She is a great person....but very AA to no end. She has in no uncertain terms predicted my demise....the reason for the letter is that her and I left on bad terms. She wanted to still be friends, but let me know that I was on my way to doom...I think she literally wanted to watch me fall for some sick reason. I told her quite harshly that was not a friend I needed. And I don't plan to be friends with her in the future.

Lucky...I would include the orange papers, but I have always been leery of their truth...and they are a bit harsh and can be over the top for someone in her mindset.

I guess the real reason for the letter is that I can not count the times I was told that no one recovers without AA.....IF they are a REAL alcoholic. I think Lucky can vouch for me that I was one. They always have a way out for them to make their truths true. I want her to know that people do get well....without AA and without being abs. To maybe stop and think before she says this is the "only way".

The groups I went to were fine. They lovingly supported you through all kinds of crap...but once you mentioned anything outside AA....then you saw their true colors. And boy do they have some good lines to try to reel you back in...and they just pray that you come to your senses and conform. It makes me giggle that they were praying away for me to come to my senses and all the while I was freaking getting well...but no one wanted to hear that. That disturbed their truth and what they tell everyone who walks in the door.

Maybe I will just donate the books to goodwill and leave well enough alone. But really she believes that no one has any way out other than AA....I would love to see her be honest enough to say well,,,,,there was this one girl....


Karam

[karma7171]

a letter to my old sponsor

the more I think about it

I will just donate the books and let it all die. That is the way it should be.

Thanks for the feedback.

Karma

[nancy]

a letter to my old sponsor

i think that is wise karma. It sounds like you were really hurt but given that they do predict doom, I don't know if this letter will change anything.

Also, letters can be kept and maybe it would be best for you to just move on instead of having some piece of something painful for you in the hands of someone who obviously was on a completely different wavelength.

Also writing can seem a lot more harsh than the spoken word (with letters and emails) and there isn't any chance to get a reaction or anything.
I am nowhere near being a hothead but I do recall one email I wrote with hurt and regret and I will tell you it was the last one too. It was misunderstood on the other end.

It sounds like you need some closure, which is why I thought a face to face meeting would be good for you. But sounds like maybe you don't want that. I don't think you have anything to prove to these people at all. Even if things were not going well you wouldn't. I know how you feel in some ways, those who are diehards think that everyone has to hit bottom and you feel they just are waiting for you to come back. It isnt very nice feeling. I also dislike conformity.

If this person is as closed-minded as you indicate, do you think this letter will make her see the light?

even if you don't send it, good for you for writing it to get your feelings out.

whatever you decide, take care,

[joesgal]

a letter to my old sponsor

Hi Karma, I read your post with interest because I too went to AA and whilst there are many fine people there, I just didn't like it ,However my sponsor has continued to be here for me even though I haven't been to a meeting in over a year. It is only since joining my way out that I have been able to stay sober. This is my 8th day af, my first weekend waking up without a hangover and it feels great! I think different things work for different people. AA was never going to work for me........I found it so depressing I used to buy a bottle before I went to the meetings so that I could have a drink to cheer myself up afterwards!! How crazy is that?? Anyways my sponsor is happy that I have found this place, she was sceptical at 1st but I know that she has mentioned my way out to a few others at AA as a possible way of dealing with their problem and I think thats great. Good luck to you on your journey and thanks for sharing, joesgal,xx

[paula]

a letter to my old sponsor

Hi Karma,
I had a similar experience with AA. I did meet some wonderful people, my best friend dropped out of AA the same time as me, she has not had a drink in 10 years unlike me.
Iv'e had the occasional blip, but according to AA if I do not do what they suggest I will
never be free. AA can be great, but we are all human beings and different, it did not help
me going to meetings 3 times a week and listening to the same people repeat the same
story every time. According to them their way is the only way. Well not for me.
Paula.

[Finding My Self]

a letter to my old sponsor

Hey Karma, Paula et all.... I am so relieved! I have been both really grateful for AA and really struggling... 71 days AF now and whether I could have done it without them I don't know but all I do know is that the fervour you speak of about the fact that without a sponsor I was going to fail, die and (whatever they said, clearly) be a disgrace to 'The Rooms' (aaagh!)...has been the only thing that has nearly driven me to drink again!! When I 'made' my 2 month medal I was immediately accosted by someone who asked whether I had a sponsor - I didn't wish to lie and said not yet...(thinking 'no way'!) He then popped my bubble good and proper by suggesting my medal wasn't worth the metal it was embossed on and I went home with none of the (ok I think) pride and joy I felt at month 1.

I have bent my partner's ear off with my fretting about AA and feel much better for only going once a week now... I sit at the back (hard with only 25 there!) and keep my mouth closed... am learning a lot about reducing my impatient reactions!!

Reading this post has helped me feel so much better and the Orange Papers - wow! There [i]is[I] lots of good and some lovely people in AA but all that 'in and out', 'going out there = dead', 'them and us', don't talk to men/outsiders/walk past bars stuff was doing my nut in. I am glad to be here with you all at MWO!!

I have a little book I read a bit of each night... this page helped me see a way through my AA-panics that you guys have just helped me confirm as good for me (even if not for others and that's OK)...
Freed from Captivity - Being held captive doesn't require you to be imprisoned. You can be held captive by fears, by phobias, or even by relationships. You were created to have free will, to have the opportunity to make choices about your own destiny. You were not created to be held hostage. God made you that way, because if he forced you to love him, that wouldn't be love. If he forced you to choose him, that wouldn't be choice. When you love God and freely choose to follow him, your life an be an example to others of the truest meaning of love. Choose God - and choose freedom.

It 'spoke' to me, calmed my nerves, I read it loads and now I know why... Thank you so much for posting pages that I've been looking for for weeks!

Good luck to all. I agree that having written the letter, Karma, brilliant as it is, possibly let it go as just something you've committed to paper but not sent... Yea, we'll not change - and nor should we - AA's views; they do work for some and if they just stop someone actually dying, I think we must actually support them? (And just hope they'll support us but stay strong in ourselves whatever.)

FMF x

[diamond]

a letter to my old sponsor

I think the letter is fine if you have used it to be cathartic for you, and will not send it.
This letter will not make her change her mind nor make her understand you more.

As someone said earlier once written and sent it cannot be erased, it will stand for as long as she wants it to.

Think carefully, before you send it please...

xx

[trixietrack]

a letter to my old sponsor

I think you have written that letter to take something offf your chest, posting it here is a great way to say to yourself that you have made the choices which are right for you.
I think you should leave the letter here and come back and read it at a later point.

[morrison]

a letter to my old sponsor

I concur with the previous posters. No sense in even giving her the letter. I think we know it will do no good at all. She has her mindset, and that is great for her if it keeps her off the booze. But, I'm like you. I got more success doing things this way. Yes, I've been a mess, but still had more success with going this route than with AA. Some AA folk think that even taking any drugs is bad, and you could overcome anything with God. Well, I gotta say, if I don't take my meds for bipolar, I will go nuts. No amount of divine intervention ever helped me with that. So, lets just do what works for us. I know your frustration. I hate it too when people won't see your side of the story. But hey, it's her loss, not yours. Glad you are with us, and have found so much success.

[Prest4time]

a letter to my old sponsor

Hello, and just want to say that there is so much insight and personal experience here. However, I know that some here have found sobriety through AA, and have found MWO to be a huge supplement to that, while others find MWO to be their "way out" and AA a support system to them along the way. Others have left here because they found AA, or something similar (there are many 12-step programs that are based on AA, but much more laid back and understanding).

I think most here have struggled with the AA concept, but I think to make a spectacle out of it is discouraging to many here who may have found their only stretches of sobriety, or find it their day in lifeline. Karma, I hope you have filed it as a journal writing, and will not insult your sponsor as she too has found her way. And that's the beauty of it all, finding our own way out.