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**karma7171** · August 5, 2007, 01:52 AM

There's no hell like home...

don't give up

First all your daughter needs you...so all driving off to the wind fantasies are out.

You know what you need to do. Just do it. If he doesn't leave then you do...end of story. It is not good for your daughter....and when we have kids we give up our right to self destruct. Do what it take no matter what...

**magic** · August 5, 2007, 02:01 AM

There's no hell like home...

Hi Ima

I'm still up.

It's your house, your home, tell him you want him gone. Give him 24 hours.

Assert yourself. Where he goes is not your problem. It's his.

I know what you mean about not wanting to come home. It's a dreadful feeling.
And it's not fair. For either your daughter or yourself.

If, after 24 hours he is not gone, call the police.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Sending you a kiss, a hug and lots and lots of strentgh.

magic xxx :heart:

**nancy** · August 5, 2007, 02:10 AM

There's no hell like home...

??

I don't get this Imatree. Is this a house you own? And you can't make him leave? You are in your early 40s,mother and can't kick him out?

Maybe you need to seek some advice on this, in terms of your legal rights and find out how to get the guy OUT!

Have you been firm with him or does he think he can walk over you?

There must be something you can do.

As for the suicide fantasies... I just read a book about depression (Feeling Good) and there were some self-tests for depression. Thinking about ending it all even knowing you won't do it, is a sign of depression, though not as bad as the depression where you you might actually do it. I guess depression is very bad for you physically,something I never thought about before.

How is your own drinking coming along? Excess drinking definitely exacerbates depression.

I think as I recall you went off antidepressants. If you dont want meds, maybe consider natural means, supplements for example.

Determinator posted about b vitamin inositol which has been shown to reduce depression. I am trying it at the moment. High quality fish oil is also supposed to be good. And get lots of exercise. i think I am coming to terms with the fact that depression is an illness and needs to be taken seriously.

**Flip** · August 5, 2007, 02:27 AM

There's no hell like home...

Ima, I was in EXACTLY the same position when I kicked my husband out after 13 years marraige. He didn't believe me and thought that if he jsut sat there on the couch I would change my mind.

It wasn't til I got REALLY mad and threw all his stuff into a suitcase and screamed etc etc that he really got the idea that I meant it.

Just do whatever it takes to get him out. Call the cops, just like Magic says. They will help you.

Have someone else stay in the house with you until he's gone in case it gets nasty, but you have to stay there and fight for what is yours.

The feeling of self harm will go once you get your own life back. Trust me, I know.

Big Hugs.

**Chaaku** · August 5, 2007, 04:28 AM

There's no hell like home...

Hi Imatree

I can't add any more advice that what others have already said. Just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you. You have to get him out of your life and space as soon as possible - DO IT NOW! Don't care if he has nowhere to go. Take charge for yourself and your daughter now. As soon as he is gone you can both get on with making your lives more positive and beneficial for you.

FKDI GIRL!

Best wishes

K-M :h

**Chaaku** · August 5, 2007, 04:29 AM

There's no hell like home...

Sorry

JFDI!!

**diamond** · August 5, 2007, 04:50 AM

There's no hell like home...

Ima,

You have been so positive and done so well, you are an inspiration to others, please take legal advice now, you have given him a month, if you sign on later, take my advice and either type or hand write a letter - make 2 copies and give him a copy and keep a copy.

Make the letter formal, tell him that you told him on .../.../.... that he had one month to leave and he has to date .../.../..... not left the property as requested.
That you are now giving him 24/48/72 hours however many hours you wish to give him, to leave, otherwise you will be forced to take legal action.

But tomorrow - Monday go and get legal advice don't wait until the hours you have given him are over. You can take the copy of the letter with you, if he is not on the mortgage or tenancy agreement he hasn't got a leg to stand on (not if he's drinking too he wouldn't have a leg to stand on either !).

Please stay your inspirational self, we miss you being positive and giving good advice,
let us know how it is going, you can moan as much as you want hon,

Diamond x

**beatle** · August 5, 2007, 05:00 AM

There's no hell like home...

Imatree, I've also had suicidal feelings many times and the fact that I am a parent is the main thing that keeps me knowing I would never follow through. Also, the shame and pain it would bring to my family. But I was once hospitalised against my will because the doctor believed I was a threat to myself even though I insisted I wasn't. The reasoning was that even tho I didn't believe I would carry through, if I drank a lot, I might be capable of doing it.

So the point is, alcohol and suicidal thoughts don't mix. Try to keep that in mind as another deterrent to drinking. Anyway, I know my suicidal thoughts are connected to drinking, but I still don't think I'd do it, also because I would be too embarrassed as they would certainly find I had alcohol in my blood when I did it. I know it sounds silly, but that is another deterrant for me. But mostly it's the family. My kids need me. I need them. I love them. I love my family and don't want to cause them any more pain than I already have.

**Change** · August 5, 2007, 05:28 AM

There's no hell like home...

Oh you poor thing, i really feel for you.

Can't you get him out as magic, nancy and Flip have suggested? I think you need to take drastic action as it is your life and you know well from the experience with your brother that life is precious.

Can you engage anyone to help you, such as a parent, sibling or other relative?

**Pisces** · August 5, 2007, 05:30 AM

There's no hell like home...

I agree with everything that's been said, and send you strength...

Because I think now you really have to get tough, say what you mean, and mean what you say, and reach out for all the help you need to accomplish it.

You don't have to get nasty, just tough, for you, and the best person in the world to stick up for you is you.

I've been where you are, and I'm actually going through it again now, and whatever the consequences, I'm sticking up for me, with all the help I can get.

Good luck and lot's of love, Jas xxx

**Guest** · August 5, 2007, 08:22 AM

There's no hell like home...

Frankly imatree..............HE`S TAKING THE P***!!

You told him it was over a while back and that you wanted him to leave.
He told you that financially, he wouldn`t be in a position to get his own place for quite some time..........he`s had his time, and every dollar he spends on booze, is a dollar less he has towards renting his own place.

HOWEVER!!!.............I think he may well be dragging his heels as he thinks that as long as he remains in your house, there is still hope of you reconciling.

If you ask him to remove himself from your house immediately and he blatantly refuses to go, you should do as the others have said and engage the services of a solicitor and consult the police.

You and your daughter have had an uplifting break from him and you proved to yourself that you are committed to an AF lifestyle by not allowing drink to rear it`s ugly head during your vacation. On returning, you feel cornered by the fact that he is still living in your home, and, understandably, that situation could well `drive you to drink`. But please don`t drink..............don`t allow him to do this to you and your wee girl.

If you are as certain as you sound, that him leaving is what you truly want, take action NOW.

I hope you get a result soon.

Take care,

Starlight Impress x

**fsophiah** · August 5, 2007, 08:33 AM

There's no hell like home...

To sum up, here are your instructions from your MWO friends:
1. Treat your depression. You won't be capable of completing any of these steps if you are depressed.
2. See a lawyer. You need to know what your rights are.
3. When you are ready to do the deed, you'll feel armed. No one ever went into battle without the strategy clear and lots of ammunition.

**memarcie** · August 5, 2007, 09:17 AM

There's no hell like home...

imatree, you've gotten lots of good advice from others. I hope things work out and he is gone very soon.

:l

Marcie

**hart** · August 5, 2007, 11:32 AM

There's no hell like home...

(((IMA)))

I care for you gal but I want to shake your shoulders roughly

then :l u hard.

Okay, you feel so frustrated thoughts of suicide flitter thru your brain. THAT'S ENUF. You tell your ex that. You say you can't stay here because the situation is making me so miserable I am thinking suicidal thoughts. If that doesn't make him leave immediately he is a heartless, selfish oaf and you have every right to call the cops. Then do it. Your precisious child needs her mother whole and happy and she's being gyped!

Now do this or give me your number and I'll tell him for you. And believe me, I will. I volunteer on a crisis line and I can be VERY PERSUASIVE!!!!:k

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