Venting!

[LilyRose]

Venting!

My Vent and gawd did I need it!

I hate the fact my father disowned me for no valid reason and has never seen his beautiful grandchildren
I hate the fact that I was scared of him growing up
I hate that I have his temper
I hate that my mother was such a wimp and let it all happen
I hate that she was a drunk for a while
I hate that she only reminds me of my mistakes and still continues to do so as if it's funny and she has 'tolerated' a lot from me......WHAT ABOUT WHAT I TOLERATED!!!!!]
I hate the fact that she forgets to send birthday cards and doesn't even call them on their birthday
I hate that my precious Nan died and left me alone in this dis functional family
I hate that I drink to excess
I hate wanting a drink
I hate the guilt I feel when I look at my children and realise what I am doing
I hate that my sister is ill and an alcoholic who won't help herself

Phew..............................(I'm sure there's more but I don't want to bore you)

I LOVE that I've had 4 healthy beautiful children
I LOVE watching them have fun, laughing and smiling
I LOVE the fact that I've got second chances at life
I LOVE feeling the sun on my face and hearing the birds sing and breathing in the fresh air and knowing I'm alive

LR x

[beatle]

Venting!

Capricorn, Lilyrose, thanks for venting those hates.
(and loves are good too, of course!)-

To be honest, I have a lot more hates myself. I could go on forever, but I think I already got the most important ones out.

Except for one: I HATE that we all have so many things to hate and that most of them are not our fault or even in the realm of our having any control over.

After venting all our HATES (and keep them coming!)- maybe we can start a new thread about the things we love (without forgetting the things we hate, because, dammit they are valid). But the things we LOVE do make us feel much better in the end --- I mean AFTER venting, of course!.

[Accountable for Me]

Venting!

I have lots of hates for sure. Lots of regrets too.

My biggest regret/hate was the fact I had let alcohol come between my eldest child and myself 4 years ago. What kind of mother is that? She was living with her father and his wife, I felt lonely and felt rejected by her so I drank harder instead of spending that energy to become more interactive with her. Although we are making amends now... so much time was wasted and I will always be her 'drunk mom' in her eyes.

I hate having been brought up in a family where alcohol and abusing it seems to be 'normal'

I hate the fact my relationship with my mother only started when she decided to join me in drinking heavily.

I hate being married to an alcoholic who states he wants to stop but doesn't even try. Keeps telling me "we should quit" but the only one that has is me.

I hate the fact my sister is an alcoholic psycho the same as me who thinks she is better than me.

I hate moving back here to this city where I have no family to be with him. The last 4 months have sucked. I am sooooo excited I am going home this coming weekend for a long awaited visit.

I hate having the one person in my life who meant the world to me, protected me and was my everything dead. My grandmother died in her 50's leaving me to abuse, loneliness and trying to figure out why I was put on this planet at the age of 8.

I hate I drank to suppress pain, deal with anxiety - escape my reality.

I hate it escalated so bad a few years back and I was completely out of control big time.

I hate I brought my youngest home after delivery and drank a case of beer after not touching one drop during my pregnancy. Then continued to drink almost every day for the first year and a half of her life.

I hate I have practically no coping skills left.

Although I probably have a few more, the way I see it now, these are just bumps in the road of my life. A good reminder as to why I want to get well. Everything that has happened to me/or I let happen to me are a part of who I am now. I have resolved to the fact I can't drink and I am fine with that. I have the rest of my life to live now. I can't change my past but I sure can learn from it. I am ready to live my life ..... finally.

I hope the same for you all too.

[beatle]

Venting!

Accountable--- inspiring
-and obviously you are not insane after all as you yourself can declare it.
I'm hoping to make it that far.
I'm feeling like the hate thread is a good purge for a lot of us.
Don't we all desrve to hate all of these things, mostly out of our control, but some of the big regrets we have, too?
Still, it seems like something comes out of venting our hate that is good.
You are all mostly way ahead of me and I see I have a lot to learn.
The hate is still strong in me but it wants to get out and I want it out.

I've got a lot of work to do.

[LilyRose]

Venting!

Accountable - love the name and the vents! You are strong...and right of course about the rest of your life to live. She won't always see a drunk mum you know, she'll soon start to see the other facets to you - out of the cocoon flew the butterfly. xxxxxx

[AMELIA]

Venting!

I hate the fact that my boyfriend hasn't worked for 8months!! 4 months ago he asked his parents to give him an early 'inheritance'. He was given ?90,000!!!!!
He still isn't working. I work my butt off.
It sucks. I resent him sooooo much it's not funny.

[Accountable for Me]

Venting!

Oh, LilyRose you almost made me cry, ok I feel a tear rolling down my face. I hope she will come around some day soon. I am not giving up anymore. For both of my beautiful children & of course myself, I shall prevail.

[beatle]

Venting!

Amelia you must be crazy! sorry, it just seems like you are putting yourself in a place to be --oh oh-- I lose my english here--advantage taken of? what is going on?

[gabby]

Venting!

Glad to see you guys gettin this stuff off your chest. Feels good to release it doesnt it. I think hate is an ok word. Its descriptive and gets to the point.

That old thread went go on for a long time. I think RJ even used it to vent once. I can't remember what it was called tho.

[Accountable for Me]

Venting!

Amelia - I am with you on that one. For the first year of my relationship he sat around on his sorry arse and got high all day. The only thing that kept me there at the time was I found out I was pregnant and felt scared to be alone. I worked my arse off and was pregnant, went back to work (NO LIE/SWEAR TO GOD) 8 days later because I didn't have enough time there for maternity leave. He made no effort at all to TRY to get a job. He finally did after a million arguments and is lucky he is working right now or else I might bitch-slap him right this minute looking back.

[Accountable for Me]

Venting!

Oh, and another vent:

I hate myself for staying in this pathetic relationship. Something I really need to look deeper within myself about.

[beatle]

Venting!

well, wow, f-ck you gals have a lot of sorry-a--s guys-- man how do you put up with it? I would not. (Tho now I wonder how my sorry a--s guy puts up with me, hehe)

[Beaches]

Venting!

Venting:
I hate that I can not get motivated to work out and lose weight.
I hate that I can not find a second to myself or even read a book anymore.
I hate that I feel I run a rat race everyday of my life.
I hate that there is so much work to be done on my house and my husband doesn't seem to care.
I hate that my husband's job is the most important thing in his life.
I hate that I have to scream, yell, and lose my mind before I can get my point across to him when I really need to make a point.

There I feel better. Sigh

[beatle]

Venting!

oh yeh, one more thing, this is not anything new in history. the girls bear everything... but the guys make it look like they do all the work. btw, i am a historian so i know what i am saying. check out the facts and you will see i am right.

[AMELIA]

Venting!

I hate the fact I haven't got the balls to tell my boyfriend how it is.
That I dont respect him, etc, etc.
I do not know how I have put up with this for so long.
Before this last 8 months of unemployment, he was not working for 6 months previously (yep this has been going on for years).
I had never had a bank loan before his first time 'out of work'.....I took out a personal loan of ?10,000 to try to keep us 'floating'.
When he got his inheritance earlier this year, he paid off all his debts,..........yep, you guessed it, none of mine. His motives were good I suppose, wanted to keep the cash as a deposit on a place for us,.....but,....he still isn't working and I am SLOWLY losing my mind and patience!!