How helpful is counselling

[nancy]

How helpful is counselling

Hi there

I like Pansy's and Beatle's responses to this. I also think bad therapy can be damaging. Seems like such a mix of people out there, some of whom are CRAP.

Of course counseling can be helpful if you find the right person and maybe bring this piece of yourself out into the open.

However, it also sounds like this might benefit you in your personal relationships. I find it really striking that you have not discussed this with your husband or anybody else!!!
So you look good on the outside and feel bad on the inside. I think one problem with alcohol is that it makes you feel very bad about yourself and of course it's something we work to hide. Does that sound familiar? Like the way someone might feel about sexual abuse? (I know you didn't mention what kind of abuse).

Anyway, maybe you do feel deep down that there is something bad or unlovelable is there and being an alcoholic is the best way to keep those bad feelings going. I know I felt very bad for years due to quite severe emotional abuse in chidhood. The best thing to do is to expose yourself as you are (maybe it will take some time for you to do this) to the people who really love you. I hope I am not going out on a limb by saying that. But imagine how reassuring that would be to do that? Doing this with a therapist could be a stepping stone toward telling someone you love.

If you think this past issue is affecting your present life you are probably right. I read in a Buddhist book that you should remember you are the principal witness in your own life story. That is SO TRUE.

good luck and keep us posted.

[ducky]

How helpful is counselling

Like some others here I went to several couselers over the years. I agree that it is critical to find a good fit for the way you like to "work." A couple of the therapists I saw were too laid back, and I felt like I just talked and they just listened. I needed someone who would push me to figure some things out and do something about them and I found two therapists who did, at different times in my life. So don't be afraid to go for a few sessions then switch if it doesn't work for you.

I think not talking to anyone about childhood abuse puts too much pressure on you. I am guessing some of the pain will fade when you share things...

Best of luck and welcome!

[trixietrack]

How helpful is counselling

If your childhood was traumatic, and you are carrying pain with you from childhood trauma, you are still subconsciously communicating the pain to your loved ones.
My mother had a horrible childhood and never spoke of it. She was a good mom, but when I got old enough to see and to sense emotions etc. I could tell something was not ok, I felt it. She tried so hard to be happy and to forget about her past.

Now that she is older, she can talk about her pain and her past. We have formed a very tight bond. I am psychically connected to her whereas before, there was a strange coldness about her even though to most she was a very charming warm person.
She has now truly become herself, all it took was her telling her grown children about her past.
For you it would help if you unloaded the pain by talking about it.

[Mags]

How helpful is counselling

Everyone has different experiences. I was lucky and found a great psychotherapist. I have seen her every week for 2 1/2 years and look forward to every session. Without her, I think i would be in a gutter somewhere. We laugh and we cry. It is a great relationship. She really listens to me, but she asks questions that makes me figure out why I am saying what I am saying. We discuss the best decisions for me to make or the best way for me to behave - but she never TELLS me what to do. She guides my thoughts in a healthy direction.

I have not only discovered why I drank, but also have discovered how I can deal with emotional issues from my childhood so i don't have to drink to just bury them. It is never a matter of someone else telling me what I think - it is a matter of self realization, self discovery, and learning how to deal with whatever hand you have been dealt. I never feel like I have to bare my soul or reveal things I don't want to. A good therapist can learn from whatever you say. But by now, there is nothing I won't tell my doctor. I trust her completely.

What I am saying is - therapy is probably worth a try because it can do wonders if you get the right doctor. I was talking to my doctor in a session today and I said "You know, two years ago, I was a total mess. Unable to function. And now I'm doing so well." And that is true. I credit her with so much of my progress. She tried to credit me. Then I said we make a good team and she agreed.

I hope you can find a good thereapist. I got lucky but sometimes it takes a lot of work to find one. You will know after one or two sessions if it is a good fit or not. And by the way, you don't have to pour out your soul and tell your secrets to a stranger. Just talk and be yourself. Talk about whatever is on your mind. The other stuff will evolve over time when your doctor is no longer a stranger but is a highly trusted friend.

Sorry I went on for so long. I just hope you can find a good doctor. My best luck being sent to you.