Confession

[memarcie]

I feel a need to confess my stage of drinking lately. I have been a member here for close to two years. But have really only been active in posting the last month or so. I had Hepatitis C and was on treatment that I finished in December. I seem to be going to the same place I started from 2 years ago drinking every night and trying to hide what I drink.

Of course while I was on treatment, the thought of drinking never really entered my mind, I felt like crap most days, sometimes good crap, sometimes bad. I haven't been doing any supplements or meds. I started drinking on a daily basis again probably in June/July. I just didn't want to deceive anyone that I wasn't drinking, because I am most nights. I'm in a much better state than when I first joined. I can remember most nights. Which is more than I can say for what I was like in the beginning.

I really really need help again and I started the sleep learning cd last night and I have to make time to do the others. I have some of the supplements from before and I plan on starting them over the weekend. It's funny how I got so used to using a pill box every day to remember to take my tx meds, but I don't give it a second though when taking the supplements. Gosh both things will save my life so they should be treated the same.

Anyway, confession is over.

[Accountable for Me]

Confession

I think writing it out will help you understand where you are heading. I find it very therapeutic. It seems you have been super stressed lately from what I have been reading.

We will be here for you through thick and thin, and I know you can get back on track. Set your pill box up with your supplements and put them in a place where you will remember to take them. Over the next couple of days really work on your will power and keep telling yourself you are worth this - because you are.

Confessions are good for the soul. You didn't need to confess anything to us, but most importantly you confessed this to yourself. That is a great start and work on that from here.

[nancy]

Confession

hi there

I agree that writing your thoughts and experiences may provide valuable insights.
for me it helped to see the same repetitive words on this site until it really hit me that i wanted to progress, not regress. and i didn't want to come back repeatedly with the same issues.

Regarding the CD collection, I find them so valuable but also hard to find time. As I recall, however, if you look at the instructions I think they say you can do one of them every day and see results in one month. Check out what they say, but I believe that is the case.

good luck and keep checking in. sounds like you have been through a lot.
nancy

[pansy]

Confession

Marcie,

Those of us who remember you remember your struggle. We worried about you and cared so much when you had to undergo treatment. When things went well for you, there was so much relief.

I think it is good for you to "confess," but only for yourself. It is a clean slate and you get a fresh start. The first time you went AF, the reason for doing so was primarily medical. You HAD to in order to get back any chance at a healthy life.

I guess, given the circumstances, it is not surprising that drinking would sneak back into your life. So, you need to do all the things you did the first time to go AF - without having that health hammer hanging above your head. That does make it hard!! In a way, you are doing this for the first time. It makes sense that you would still be struggling with so many of the same issues that plague most of us when we first go AF. You had other things on your mind the first time, I am sure.

So, be good to yourself. This will be hard, but you can do it. You have not let yourself slip too far before coming back to MWO, so the memory of how good AF feels is not that far away either. The fact that you are here says a lot - and MWO will be here to help you out!

Big hugs, Marcie ...
Pansy

[Guest]

Confession

Oh Marcie,
I truly don`t believe there is no need for any of us to apologize or "confess" to our friends here for not doing as well as we intended as regards our drinking.........none of us may predict when, or if, we`ll find ourselves in "stormy weather".

Many people consider that our alcohol addiction is the full-blown strain of a progressive illness, and so I think it perfectly understandable that we journey through a progressive recovery.

Every little forward step is part of that progression, Marcie, and you have just taken an enormous leap forward by taking stock of the pattern your drinking is currently following and deciding you wish to break that pattern.

Of course, being ill was a blessing in disguise in one respect, as it led you to quit drinking and now that you have a clean bill of health, you aspire to quit again for no other reason than that you really want to get yourself to a better place. That very need/want in you is half the battle. I wish you strength for organizing your plan of attack and with forging ahead.

Love,

Starlight Impress x

[Finding My Self]

Confession

Marcie - Just wanted to send you my thoughts and some 'ooomph'!

I so agree with the 'fessing-thoughts of our other dear friends - as in, just that.... we are all friends...folk who are here for each other. SI - as ever!! - has found the perfect words, "None of us know when we will find ourselves in stormy weather" but hands are out to you...lots of them.

Good strength and belief to you my friend!

'Finding' x

[betty boop]

Confession

Marcie love, dig deep and go for it .......

You CAN do this, start from scratch, go back to basics ......

Big BB hugs coming your way :l:l:l:l

[slightlysuze]

Confession

Marcie, I am absolutely new here and have no experience to offer....but it does seem to me that the great thing is that when you slipped you still knew that the 'net' of MWO could catch you and hold you. I'm sure all your friends here will be supporting you as you continue the journey.

Slightly

[Flip]

Confession

This is a safe place Marcie, you don't need to 'confess' - that's for the troubled catholics! Just share what you need to say and we will listen. (some of us will even try and give you advice, but just ignore that bit!)

[beatle]

Confession

Well, I know Flip was being flippant about the advice to ignore our advice. So just ignore that advice.

MM, I have been exactly where you are and know how it is. Almost the same story. MY advice is on a concrete level (only YOU can deal with the emotional/spiritual/mental part).

I have found that the only way for me to keep sober enough to deal with the emotional/spiritual/mental part is to take the supps BIG TIME, plus plus more. I think the MWO supp program is very good for the medium problem drinkers, but for extreme cases like myself, and possibly you, I think you need to add a lot of others and/or increase the amount you take, and take them religiously. PLUS eat well.

Doing this has made me physically able to cut down on alcohol consumption-- both by reducing the cravings (I don't use anything but supps) and taking away the feelings of withdrawal. It has made a huge difference to me, and I hope you can achieve the same so you can deal with whatever other issues you have.

Every time I stop with the supps, or just cut down, the cravings get worse and everything gets worse.

If you want to know my exact schedule of supps, PM me (this goes for anyone). I'm not going to post it here since it is so long.

[vinophile]

Confession

Marcie,

You were one of the first people I got to know here last year.You were such a rock given all you had to go through. Our health is so important to is all. You've done a lot to gain your health back and I'm so glad that you have it back!!!!
I know you went for a long time without drinking and know you can do it again.
We're here for you. No one is an island here and we all struggle with this together.
Today is a new day.

Janet

[Deilight]

Confession

MM

Beatle is so right about supps. I don't do the set MWO program because I am broke (really!). I just take vitamins like crazy and one or two other types of supps and I must say they do help. Yes, taking them and remembering are difficult but I seem to have a bit of a routine going now (a HABIT to learn!)

Keep going, that's all. It's SO HARD, I am struggling with a lot but one thing I am just focusing on is being sober so I can deal with them with a clear head at least. Even though I feel a bit mad.

Love and light and strength!

[happycamper68]

Confession

Marcie,
We all know how hard it is. I think in your shoes to get that great news at the end of your treatment would make you want to "celebrate" life at some point. I am glad you aren't where you were when you first got here because as Pansy said, you aren't too far from being AF either then.
I've been struggling with staying AF now since 8/7. I've slipped a few times, usually when my day went badly, got bad news, etc. I have very bad coping skills and use it as an excuse. Makes me very angry at myself because the first 4-5 days of AF are rough and who the hell wants to do that over and over again? No one.

Pick your day, and get that pill box out again, because honestly the supps do a world of good. Especially the L-Glut and the kudzu. The combo of L-theanine and phenibut is very relaxing as well. Get the Sleeptime Extra tea with the valerian root in it. Get some melatonin if you have trouble sleeping. Read the book again maybe you need some Topa or Campral. We're all here for you hon. :h

[chrysa]

Confession

I think writing our your plan sounds good..

Is your goal mods or abs Marcie? Or not sure yet?

[Niblet]

Confession

Take a big deep breath and know that you are not alone in this... Thank-You for paying all of us the ultimate compliment by being so brutely honest... Go forward one step at a time and we'll be there right beside.. We're in this together... Keep posting and sharing.. I too find it so good for the soul to share. Have a wonderful day cause you sooo deserve it !! I'm sending you postive vibes and a big happy face !!! Yep ! Made you smile, giggle !! giggle !! Hugs,