In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

[Bluebell]

Hello all. I have been swaying, this way and that way whether or not to post this. I didn't want to because it would be admitting that I am not as in control as I thought.

The thing is, yesterday I drunk two bottles of wine. We have been busy landscaping our garden over the past few weeks and are 3/4 of the way done. It is looking good. At 1pm we decided to sit in our new "tropical oasis" that we had created and admire the scene. Of course, feeling in a holiday mood, the sun was shining and all was well with the world, I decided it would be lovely to have a glass of wine outside. So, I opened a bottle of chardonnay and it felt so luxurious sitting outside in the sun drinking wine. My husband had a beer and we had a lovely time. Before I knew it the bottle was finished (all by me) so I went in and opened another bottle. By 8pm that too was finished (again all by me). I did have a lovely time and nothing "bad" happened - we even had a sing-song!

But the remorse, guilt and feeling crap hit me like a tonne of bricks about 2am this morning. Dehydrated, feeling sick, hot sweats. I feel so stupid and annoyed at myself for doing so well with my 2 drinks a night (not every night), losing the control and just guzzling till it was all gone. I don't want to go back to my old ways of where a bottle or two of wine a night was nothing.

I want to get back on track rather than thinking oh well, bugger it, that's me and I'm never going to change.

Thanks for listening.

[Niblet]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

And thanks for sharing Bluebell, You have just said it beautifully yourself when you said you felt remorse at 2 am, sick and sweats... so hop right back on track with that message in the back of your mind..
Your yard sounds just beautiful.. Maybe next time enjoy a nice cold jug of ice tea... Thank-you for sharing and don't be too hard on yourself but rather try to learn from this... Learn from this.... You are going to do just fine. Hugs to you,

[Bluebell]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Thanks Niblet. There was so much I wanted to get done today and now I am struggling through the morning..... another day I've robbed myself of due to wine. What a waste.

I can feel the self-pity ebbing away and the feeling of wanting to regain my power coming back........

I will get back on track.

Thank you. Yes, the yard has gave us a real sense of achievement..... I suppose if I hadn't got my wine consumption in hand, I would never have had the inclination or energy to do as much as I have so, yes, I will get back to where I was. I'll take this as a sharp reminder of why I decided to get a grip on the situation in the first place.

[lushy]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Aww, Blue I can so relate. In the moment it seems all good and you think you will feel fine the next day; until the next day comes and you realize what you have done. Not sure what to say but just keep trying. I hope you start feeling better soon....

[gabby]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Just keep trying.

[Bluebell]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Thanks! It's a funny thing isn't it? When you are in the party mood and having a drink, it's so easy to forget the after affects and you think, what the hell! Last night I was even thinking... oh I'd better get some more wine tomorrow since "we've" drank it all. It all seemed like a perfectly logical thing to think at the time.

Next day, feeling crap, you think "Never Again". Never again will I drink so much. You feel so strongly about it you vow with all your heart you will never do it again.

Until you start to feel better, the memories fade..... and suddenly, it seems such a good idea to have a "little" glass of wine.

What a vicious circle. This is something that we can never sit back on our laurels and expect it to take care of itself. Bugger.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Been There Done That. Don't beat yourself up too much, the hangover did that for you.

You are a GOOD person that loves life.....sometimes a little too much ; )

HUGS

[Bluebell]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Oh my Myheart! I got goosebumps reading those few lines!

Thank you for saying I am a good person. That just jumped out the screen at me! I think I am a good person, but nobody actually says it, not because I am a bad person, just nobody takes the time to say I am a good person! I could get deep and complicated now so I will leave it there!

Thanks for that.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Bluebell,

I think lots of "Good People" have problems with addiction. There is nothing evil about addiction, it's a medical problem really. I mean you didn't drive drunk, you sat in your garden and admired your work. That sounds like a good person to me, does that sound like a good person to you? I think you should take time everyday to praise yourself for what you have done right and count your blessings. For Pete's sake, you didn't kill something and drink it's blood, ya drank some wine....OK too much wine, LOL...we'll all survive...does that make sense?


Hang in there, and enjoy the garden!


Luvya,


Myheart

[nancy]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

I think the way you feel is bad, but good if you can use it constructively to avoid in the future.

I see that you can see the big picture, the improvements you have made, but you also see the temporary picture, the failure of the day. More worryingly, even though nothing horrible happened this time, something very bad could happen some other day.

But I think instead you will learn from this. I think it's a process you are going through. Keep looking at how you are doing in the big picture and when you have a failure, get stricter with yourself. A few weeks ago I realized that I was not sticking as well as I could be to moderation in terms of number of drinks (not intoxication). This week, I had 5 AF days, all weekdays. It worked well.

So next time you have a yard project, it's soft drinks or water. I don't think it's wise to have drinks early in the day. You can have a lot by day's end without being drunk. That does NOT mean it is not unhealthy. Two bottles is way too much for one woman, you and I know that.

Your awareness is a GREAT sign. But don't let it cripple you.You are back on track again and this kind of thing will be less likely to occur in the future.

[Finding My Self]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Hi Bluebell

You garden sounds fabulous - that's good. Focus on that. :H

Nobody says you're lovely?- say it to yourself first!!! (And you seem pretty lovely to me)! But, I know, big time, that's easier said than done especially with a hangover from hell!! But say it anyway. Which brings me to the kick up the butt........hangover's done that very nicely thank you. In Satori's wise words - "Wotdyawannagodothafor?!?!"

Howz about taking a five minutes to type up every little part of how you're feeling in every bit of nasty detail plus all those other times, print it out, roll it up and put it in one of the wine glasses where they're kept as a little reminder to over-ride the keeness of the next occasion....?!?!? And an awful lot of 'normal' (what's normal anyway? In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed is king!!) people are nursing a hangover his morning too!!! You wont be alone - just remember this one to not let it get back out of hand! The fab thing is that you're here and ready to learn and they're not and think how many may get here or sadly, not.... You're miles ahead girl...dust down and get on with it!!!
I think you're really strong to come here and tell...........
Just coz that's what you wanted - 'ere 'tis!!!


KICK!!!!!!

Remember this hangover - don't forget it!!! But look forwards and enjoy your paradise patch!!!

Love
Finding xx :h PS Thanks for reminding me. selfish of me sorry, that modding mightn't be that much fun - see you ARE lovely. You're still helping folk by feeling like poo!!!

[Flip]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

BEND OVER BLUE, MY FOOT IS HALFWAY TOWARDS YOUR ARSE!!!

Sounds like you need to go Abs for a while sweetie, if there's no wine in the house you can't drink it... keep some tonic or soda and lime in the fridge for those 'special moments' that you usually have a wine. It really worked for me... it might work for you too.

[Bluebell]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

I just came home from picking up the kids from school. I had to go pick up quick-set cement, a 60 litre bag of compost and some wire. Half of my mind added "wine" to that shopping list.

If I had not logged on here this morning and posted and read your words I would have bought the wine. And now, still feeling a bit "iffy", I have logged on again and there have been additions on this post that lifted me and gave me encouragement to get back up and start again.

I have taken in every word. Heartfelt thanks to you all. :h

Myheart - I can already see you are going to be a great asset to this site!!!

Nancy - You are so right. In the "old days" I didn't have here to come to just talk. I constantly swept things like this under the carpet. Now I can come here and talk and use this experience as an example of how I don't want to be.

FMF - thanks for the kick! But most importantly, thank you for your good advice and views.

In fact, everyone, just thanks for being here.

Thanks Flip! Ouch.

[Guest]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Blue,
I can't really offer anything that hasn't already been said. Pick yourself up, dust off, and start over....and we are all here along the journey.

[lucky 2.0]

In Need of A Kick Up the A@*e

Get with the program Bluebell!!!!!