I sat in a D & A treatment group (SMART) yesterday, for the first time in over 2 years. Driving home, I was in a very uncomfortable state, yet seemed unable to put any feelings to it.
Today I realise that I'm a bit dismayed to see addiction so prominently on the table again . It's a sinking feeling, like 'been here, nothing's changed' - a back to square one type of feeling, although rationally I realise I'm not back at the beginning. Even reading a little from the SMART handbook this morning was a reminder that quitting a harmful habit 'is not usually an event but rather involves going through a series of stages'.
Last night on Austar they aired a US series called Intervention, about people confronting their addictions and getting help. What struck me was the lengths to which we go to escape, and the relief we feel when we realise we can choose help and support instead.
I sat there in the dark, with my husband sleeping softly next to me, watching this woman on the show cry, watching this woman fall down drunk and thought: it doesn't have to be this way, for any of us. We can choose something different.
I've ordered the book. I'm on some good supps. Can't wait to be able to afford the CDs. Still thinking about the meds.
Hope this share wasn't too long.
Thanks to all of you for helping me feel like I'm not in this alone.
Kyna
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