Just sayin hi

[me145]

hey guys. Just wanted to say hi to ya'll. I've been somewhat better wtih my drinking, but still not to where I want to be. September My bf and I are starting AF for a month. Im considering taking ANTABUSE so that there is no choice in cheating. When i first came on here I was drinking up to six days a week, not getting drunk every one of them. Now the the past month or two its been back to about three times a week. maybe two some weeks. I was angry about Friday night because I went out and had a few groups of friends outwith me, and my bf and his friends. We first went to an outdoor German beer festival, then to local bars. The whole night, i drank so slow, afraid to get bad. so id say i was just about buzzed from nine to two am. i was miserable the whole night. ive said on here before, that when I dont drink at a fast enough pace, my depression worsens. so i controlled my drinking, and i was miserable. my bf and i got into a minor argument, and at two or three am, i just said "ugh im so miserable, fuck this " i knew we were leaving witthin a half hr from that point, so i took a shot. took two more after. i think i didnt realize because i havent taken shots in so long, that shots take more than a few minutes to feel. so i took that third one thinking i was not that bad. well nothing bad happened as far as me doing something stupid, but i blacked out. next day wokeup and didnt really remember after taking the shots. so i was disappinted in myself. but that was just a stupid decision. at least iknow i CAN control it if i want to. but when icontrol it, its like theres no point in drinking. because im more depressed than before i started! is there anyone else on these boards like that? where if they drink slow, their depression worsens? or they get in a bad mood? it could be because i have depression as it is. my bf can drink slow and have a little buz and hesays hes happy the whole time. thathedoesnt get sad by drinking slower, or stopping. well, i gotta run to work.

[hart]

Just sayin hi

Hi backatcha! Don't dwell on the past. You have been cutting down and u can continue it. You don't have to nurse a drink while others drink. You can have a soda. If you know drinking slow makes u depressed and drinking fast can cause blackouts.....don't drink in that situation. Live and learn that's what we do.:l

[IAD]

Just sayin hi

ME145,
Sounds like a special assignment more than a password. Anyway, take care of yourself, you know what you can handle. Do what you think you can do ! Don't let anyone tell you different ! IAD

[Accountable for Me]

Just sayin hi

Hi Me145! Glad to see you popping in. Just try to do your best. I think it is a good plan for September. It will be even better if you have your BF doing it with you. Hang in there.

[Going Strong]

Just sayin hi

Hi m145,
I know what you mean about being miserable when watching your drinks thats why I decided to stop completely. Anti abuse is my choice because it takes away my choice. I don't get physical cravings for alcohol.............. I get head cravings if you know what I mean. Thats the part of me that I have to work on.
Yes when I stop drinking I get the miseries for awhile but am aware of that now. It's great that you have the support of your bf as that is a big help.
You can do this!
Much Love

[beatle]

Just sayin hi

Hello me (couldn't resist),

Except for that one miserable Friday night, it sounds like you are doing much better and are motivated with a clear plan in hand. You're on your way. Live and learn (re-Friday) and put it behind you.

As far as drinking types, I guess we who know we need help also know we are not the type who can just have one and say "I'm happy". Tough luck on us.

I think you will find it easier just saying no, than trying to go slowly.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[hart]

Just sayin hi

Hi is good let's bring in to the top

[Accountable for Me]

Just sayin hi

You are HILARIOUS Hart! LM f'n AO!

[me145]

Just sayin hi

Hey guys. Thanks for your encouraging and wonderful replies. This site is so amazing. People are probably rarely put down. I havent seen one person yet. Life just seems to be full of struggles, decisions, pondering, sad situations, happy situations, and on and on. I know the week I stoppped drinking I was much happier and my depression faded. not to say that i wasnt eager to say go out and have a drink on a Friday night. But I looked at the world differently, and with alot more energy and less boredom after about four days without alcohol. For now im just going to be moderating , ( but its not going all that well) but probably will try the monthly or maybe two weeks AF in September. Im pretty sad and confused in my life right now, and feel very unmotivated to do much of moderating or totally AF. ( im not taking the kudzu , only the glutamine bc I felt the Kudzu seemed to take away the pleasure of drinking, which i didnt want to stop until im doing the AF, but might have to go in that direction if the moderating doesnt stay like this, or get better) Alright, good luck everyone, keep ME updated!