why cant i bloody do this?

[roxane]

i have been AF previously, 11 days 5 days 3 days. see the pattern?

i now set myself up for going AF and then dont/cant do it. ive done it countless times these last months and when the day comes, i obsess, all day, till i cant take it anymore.

ive done it before, i know it doesnt kill me, so why cant i just get that first day done?

BTW, i'm speaking rhetorically, just wanted a rant


unless anyone could give me a diffinitive answer!

roxane

[Guest]

why cant i bloody do this?

Rant on, sometimes it helps to see what we are thinking in writing.

[betty boop]

why cant i bloody do this?

Roxane, that is a tough one .........

A post on the subscriber thread suggesting we do 30 days and support each other triggered me yesterday.... Something just clicked, and I wanted to do it, pretty much similar to dieting I suppose.

Hang in there and inspiration will come when you least expect it ...

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[beatle]

why cant i bloody do this?

I think there is a combination of procrastinating and craving. We are all human. Don't worry about what has been. Just keep trying. I noticed that when I was in my "I want to be AF" phase, although I caved in over and over again, I definitely drank far less than if I wasn't trying. And by the way, ranting is entirely underrated. So is punching something... hard.

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

procastination is my middle name. but, when i have decided something, i follow through with it. i can fail but i try.

i think subliminally(sp) i dont want to stop, but i do!!!!

hope your mums ok luv, or at least comfortable.

beatle, im punching myself right now (metaphorically) and i deserve it.

inspiration, i got that, not the wherewithall.

when i do my first AF, i will post it on every bloody thread!
no i wont

roxane

[Guest]

why cant i bloody do this?

Hi roxane,
You`ve managed AF stints of 11, 5, and 3 days.............says you can indeed do it.
Now you`re asking why you can`t seem to get a Day 1 off the ground again........same thing I asked myself before I embarked on my first successful 30 Days...........found that I could make a start, but only when I was good and ready.

You`ll do your next Day 1 when you`re good and ready, and if you apply yourself wholeheartedly (anything but easy!!!), you`ll surpass your previous record.

Love and strength to you,

Starlight Impress x

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

thats it starlight, i feel good and ready, but obviously not.

problem is i'm having outside pressures and health pressures to do it last month. i started the thread on red palms and had a rather scarey pm from RJ as a result. i want to do this, but something is stopping me ...... now if i could figure out what it is perhaps i could deal with it and get myself sober.?

well done on 30 days !!!!

roxane

[Accountable for Me]

why cant i bloody do this?

There is no time like the present. Why not start now? Instead of 'procrastinating' and setting an AF start date - do it right this second. Just hop on and get going.... That is what I did. I didn't set a date. I said to myself 'well might as well quit right now, right today'.

I had a couple of slips which resulted in a total of 11 drinks in the last 8 months - big whoop. Hellavalot better than 11 a day that I was drinking (give or take). No one is perfect and if you keep trying then you can only be proud of yourself, not mad at yourself.

The more excuses you make and the more you think about it the harder it will be. We are here for you............. YOU CAN DO THIS!

[memarcie]

why cant i bloody do this?

Roxane,
Someone else has done this, not sure who(can't remember), but on a sheet of paper write the reasons to stay sober and on the other side write the reasons to drink. Maybe it will help you to see in writing there is no benefit to drinking, and how many good things you miss out on if you aren't sober.

We all know how hard it is and I'm only on day 2 right now, but plan on being AF for at least 30 days.

You can do this Roxane!

:l

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

yep, just re-read my last post and it sounds full of excuses.
they are actually reasons to stop, not reasons not to stop now.

i keep saying to myself, thats it, im stopping. but as i said, i start to obsess.

i have everything in place just like before, but the AFs got shorter to now being non existant.

grumpy grumpy grumpy.

roxane

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

memarcie, cross posted.

one side will be blank lol. i will try that.

well done on day 2!!!

roxane

[Accountable for Me]

why cant i bloody do this?

It sounds like you want to do this but you're not in that mindset right now. Take Marcie's idea and write down the benefits of not drinking and the benefits of drinking. You need to start to 're-train' your thinking and hammer in the thought of alcohol being a poison. That is what it is.... poison. It is like a prison sentence when you drink. You are stuck and there is no freedom; therefore, no life to actually live. The bottom of the bottle offers nothing good.

It took me a LOOOONG time to finally get sick of it enough and hate it enough to actually make strides in my sobriety. I tried a lot after my little one was born. I obsessed about it all of the time. I couldn't stand the thought of 'never drinking again.' Once I stopped thinking about the 'never again' part it came quite easily. I convinced myself that I can if I want to, but I choose not to.

Anyway......... just know I have been where you are. :l

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

prison sentence, you got that right.

roxane

[roxane]

why cant i bloody do this?

my first attempt at AF was 2004 wanted and did 30 days. i have been trying this for years and had loads of attempts to slowly less success. THAT is what is doing my head in.

i should know better.

yet i seem to get worse.

i want this body and soul.

but obviously thats not enough.

roxane

[Guest]

why cant i bloody do this?

Roxane,
Am not meaning to be in the least condescending, but I think I only found the strength to go AF when I finally forced myself to admit that the only person stopping me was.........ME!!

I have also recently posted that I had millions of excuses for drinking, but no real reasons for doing so, as nomatter how serious our problems in life, drink cannot eradicate them and only serves to make matters worse.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x