Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

[memarcie]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Change - can you ask the agency to send you on another assignment? Maybe you just need something different.

[beatle]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Great advice everyone here. I add my vote to the smiling contingency. I am not a natural smiler (much too serious, often seen as glummy) but I learned this trick from a friend. Smiling can cure almost anything. Sounds trite, but this is not meant that way. It's all very nice in a smily happy environment, but it works best when facing confrontation and ill will. Ha, smile and put them off balance. Be really nice when you are provoked and you will see some interesting results. Worked great for me today when I tried to quit my job. I still have the job and better benefits. go figure.

[Skye650]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Hi Change...

Some years ago I used to have this guy at work also trying to intimidate me with his male ego, etc, etc, etc... I then one day when he was so close I could smell his coffee breath, turned around, lightly pushed him to the side and said "you see this space around me this is called my personal space and if you ever invade it again you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable situation..." he respected that..... not sure what the laws on that side states about harrasment etc!!

[uda]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Great one-liners! Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable at work and it's often most effective and causes the least 'fall-out' if you can deal with it like that. It can backfire, though. Years ago a throw-away comment about 'looking not touching' to someone I was working for (who also had problems keeping his hands to himself) resulted in months of not quite 'illegal' unpleasantness by him. I ended up resigning.

If the on-liners don't work, complain. It's horrid having to work in such an environment and no matter what your position is, you have a right not to have to put up with it. As for feeling sorry for him - yes, he sounds like a sad person, but no matter how sad, doesn't give him a right to behave like that, does it?

[hart]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

(((Change)))

You've been given some great advice. I can't add much. Just wanted to add my support.:l

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Skye650;188659 wrote: Hi Change...

Some years ago I used to have this guy at work also trying to intimidate me with his male ego, etc, etc, etc... I then one day when he was so close I could smell his coffee breath, turned around, lightly pushed him to the side and said "you see this space around me this is called my personal space and if you ever invade it again you will find yourself in a very uncomfortable situation..." he respected that..... not sure what the laws on that side states about harrasment etc!!

I think Skye has the right idea. You need to tell the guy nicely, calmly, and quietly off to the side, exactly what bothers you. Say it bothers you so that it will seems less his fault and more like your sensitivity to him, it will help him save face and be less likely to lash back at you. DIRECT, although polite, confrontation with the offender. That's my 2cents. Good Luck!

[Pisces]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Hi,

I agree with the above advice, and if you feel game enough tell him that you don't like how he speaks to you, that you like to be friends with your workmates but dont like like to hear about 'that kind of stuff'.

If he's playing you, and you will know in your heart if he's 'playing you', just take a step back and try to understand that this guy is a 'loser' who can't communicate with women on a respectful level' and diss him mentally.

If he persists then tell him outright you don't like it, and then tell the the powers that be,

but always try to treat him civially, as a fellow human, just smile and go on your way.

love your enemies, it drives 'em crazy' but keeps your self respect,

Hopefully he'll get the message, the sad thing is he's prob gonna find another 'victim' but that doesn't have to be your problem.

Just keep your chin up and don't give in or let him get to you.

Love Jas xxx

[Mags]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

MD is right. What he is doing is illegal - at least in the US. I say get the bastard. You can file a sexual harassment complaint with HR whether you are employed there or not. Women should not put up with this stuff any more. Sorry I'm on my soapbox here. I''ve had to go through it and it is awful. If you talk to them and they do nothing, you can file a formal complaint and then they legally have to respond. Talking about that stuff at work is harassment. Find some websites and do some reading.

But I do love Jude's line about personal growth. I gotta remember that one. It's a classic!

Good luck Chance

[zincityzen]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

He's contributing to a hostile work environment and it sounds like no one is confronting him on his boorish, unprofessional behavior. Do what you can to get him fired. He's a jerk. I think I'd confront him about the sexual remarks by simply saying, "That kind of talk makes me uncomfortable" with another co-worker as a witness. Then start documenting those types of remarks, plus his loud obnoxious behavior that you sense is directed towards you, so you can take them to a supervisor. They probably hate his guts too and would love for the opportunity to can him.

Cutesy comebacks might be okay in the short term, but if you want to keep this job for a while, it's either deal with it, or tolerate it, and it sounds like tolerating it is not working too well.

[Change]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

uda;188741 wrote: Great one-liners! Nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable at work and it's often most effective and causes the least 'fall-out' if you can deal with it like that. It can backfire, though. Years ago a throw-away comment about 'looking not touching' to someone I was working for (who also had problems keeping his hands to himself) resulted in months of not quite 'illegal' unpleasantness by him. I ended up resigning.

If the on-liners don't work, complain. It's horrid having to work in such an environment and no matter what your position is, you have a right not to have to put up with it. As for feeling sorry for him - yes, he sounds like a sad person, but no matter how sad, doesn't give him a right to behave like that, does it?

Thanks everyone for your latest responses. He has not touched me and i don't think he would. He is actually quite scared of women (i perceive), but is more annoying in the loud, boyish, 'look at me', 'oh, poor me', 'aren't i cute' type of way. His main problem is that he is nice to people when it suits him, but goodness help us when he's in a bad mood - he ignores us and acts like a little baby. I want to take a dummy in there.

He has made sexual comments and it is disrespectful and apparently has had confrontations with several people there already. He also constantly b.itches about the other employees, esp. the males because he wants to be Alpha male. :bonkers:

The main problem is, the more i try to ignore him, the more intrusive and noisier he gets, so it is really hard... but i am going to try. He will also sing at the top of his voice for half of the shift if he feels like it, which is more annoying. It is an industrial environment, so nobody will tell him to be quiet because they can't hear him, only the person directly next to him can. He has gotten away with too much and i wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to get rid of him. The place is heavily unionised and i think that is the only reason he is still there. They even give him the supervisors position when our real supervisor is away, and he 'hates' the company.

So, i've decided i am going to be quiet and calm around him, without compromising who i am. I am going to continue to ignore him and if he can't respect that, i am going to calmly ask him why he continues to seek my attention... I am going to document everything he says and does and complain if he dares to speak to me like he did last week again.

I guess i'd have to be prepared to leave if i made a complaint because when i complain, i am prepared to go all the way.

I am not going to give in or let him get his way, he will think he has won. I don't know if he will find anymore victims. I have been waiting for a new female staff member to start to see how he reacts. Well, one did. A really nice 'hot' girl and do you think he gave her attention? No! Annoying.

I think i am going to wear a wedding ring in there today. I am not married, but he doesn't have to know that.

[Mags]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Change, I assume that since you don't work for this company that owns the shop that you are only there temporarily. Or are you a subcontractor? How long do you think you will be there? Who is your supervisor there? Someone from his company or from yours?
Sorry if I'm sounding nosy.......

[Change]

Fight with guy at work - how do i handle this?

Hi Mags,

It's a big company with a large factory floor, that's where i work. I go through an agency, but the work is regular. I would like to stay there for quite a while because it's okay pay, the hours are good and the conditions are good. Although i would like to haul his arse through HR and 'get him', i am inclined to hang back at this stage and be professional about it. If he bothers me again, then i will have to take action.

I am documenting everything he does. He has gotten away with this behaviour for far too long... I would love to see him get the sack, but for now i have to be sensible and do what is best for me, financially. He hasn't said anything offensive about women, he talked about his penis a few times, making jokes about how small it is. He also commented on a woman's 'saggy' breasts once (she was on tv). Whilst these comments are not directly offensive, i cannot help but think they are for my 'benefit' somehow! So, i don't know whether he 'likes' me romantically (yuk), or if he just wants to dominate me because i am the only person who does not buy into his behaviour, but either way, he is over-stepping the line. I have no problem making it clear that i am not interested in him... when i get the opportunity. In a way, i was pushing for a confrontation last week because i want to make it clear to him that i am not interested. I would rather do it in a calm and rational way though.

My last interaction with him reminded me of an emotional fight you have with your significant other, so i don't want to start playing out a psuedo relationship in the workplace.