OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

[Guest]

Strange!!.........I spent the first week or so of my now 34 AF days, in complete bewilderment.........".what will I do with myself ?"........"is this it then ?".........."where do I go from here ?"........"what is to happen to me ?"

Oh sure.........my loved ones are proud of me, just as I am of myself, and day-to-day life runs considerably more smoothly. Only...........don`t I merit some sort of reward ?.........surely there`s a glittering prize or two somewhere in all of this for me, considering the effort I have made, and the almost blood, sweat and tears I have shed ?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks (my AF Blues spell)..........my life is just as it was when still encased in the "booze bubble".............save for the fact that I am sober. AF in itself is not mind-blowingly life-changing. Becoming AF is merely the beginning.........something of a catalyst.

I have realized that absolutely nothing is going to just "happen" to me, and I have to go in search of any glittering prizes that are to be had........in short, I have to "make it happen", and am thrilled to realize that AF affords me the freedom to do so.

I used to think that I`d more or less allowed life to slip past me in many respects, yet I blindly considered myself too old to instigate any radical changes. I now consider that negative attitude to be narrow-mindedness and complete and utter nonsense.........am 42, for Heavens sake!!!......hardly a fossil !!! LOL

Some of you may know that I dropped out of University at a very young age........made that decision for love!?!?!?........strange how I knew what true love is at such a tender age..............when I have yet to find it!!! LOL

Yes, my decision to adopt the AF lifestyle was to benefit my family every bit as much as myself, but this journey into sobriety is mine alone.........my peaks.........my troughs..........my pain........my elation........MY SOBRIETY.

Am returning to University in October to finally do my Degree..........perhaps if I don my trendy jeans and enormous shades, I`ll look just like any other "fresher" on campus!!! LOL
Am determined to make a success of this and get my Degree now........even if it almost kills me............it`s just what I now must do for me, in pursuit of personal happiness and fulfilment.

I also fully appreciate just how ravaged our bodies are, having abused alcohol for so many years, and know that I can`t expect to return to optimum health in the space of a few short weeks, so have decided to do a part -time 1st Yr. to allow myself to fully recover, and go full-time from the 2nd Yr. onwards...........I do not wish to "bite off more than I can chew" initially as regards the course, as falling flat on my face is simply not an option for me.........am a woman "on a mission" now.

I feel like an excited child on Christmas Eve, awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus.

My cup is overflowing!!!

All my love,

A New and Improved, Devil-May-Care, Throw Caution to the Wind, Starlight Impress x

[Niblet]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Oh Star, Honey, this is just your wonderful beginning of a new way of living.... You are gonna do amazing things for yourself and your family and remember it I might add..LOL
For myself, I know I'm not going to school like yourself, but I found that I had more time for the hobbies that I loved so much... I worked more in the garden, I crochetted and alfaghan, baked more just to list a few things.. As you go through each day sober, feeling well know that your familiy and your own body and spirit is thanking you... I sure hope that some other people have some other ideas, cause quite frankly I just read what I wrote and it looks utterly dull... LOL You are doing soo great for yourself !!! I'm really proud of you !! Hugs,

[Pisces]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Hi Starlight,

Yes your cup is overflowing! What have you always wanted to do but havent? Now your sober you can drive there, and concentrate, learn and do it!

I've taken up scuba diving, did the beginners course and now want to dive regularly til I can't dive no more, I reckon 86, lol

And I've just started guitar lessons, just for me cause I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar, heaps to learn, so I reckon should keep me out of trouble for a bit,

And I do have a new little grandson, (I'm 41) so not too old old to teach him to surf, lol, and bogeyboard, make sandcastles, etc so much to teach him, eg cool nan dance moves, lol, so much fun to look forward to, lol.

I'm raving now from cloud nine,

Luv Jas xxx

[meditation mama]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Oh, you guys.... I'm all choked up and it's only 6am!!!

It is utterly amazing how much time is wasted when we drink. I don't know about you guys, but even though I never drank during the day, it seemed as though my days were consumed with chaos! Being hungover is hard work.. now there should be a glittering prize for that!! Boy would we all have stars on our forheads... Think about that for a moment.. No wonder we are all so glad to be "alive" right now and have a great sense of being able to acomplish. It's not only that we are not drunk, that is just a small percentage of it..it is that we are not hung over and walking around in a fog.. that exhaused, groggy, achy, angry, ashamed, sad, anxious, don't-smell-my-breath, stage all day, every day that consumed us until we drank again to feel better.. what an exhausting cycle. I am tired just thinking about it!

So here's to a wonderful autumn to us all.. a good time for change. Time for new beginings...

Congrantulations, Star! I can picture you on campus with your jeans, big baggy sweatshirt, the leaves blowing at your feet and a big smile on your face.. you are so amazing!

Off to meditate......

MM

[Cinders]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Starlight,

Such a smart and wise woman these days!

Enjoy the classes and the new found freedom to be what you choose to be!!

Love you!
Cindi

[Niblet]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Beautifully written MM !! My sentiments exactly !! Hangovers and walking in a fog for a couple of days before your next "brain-cooking session" is alot of work in of itself.....

[barry]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Starlight:

I've learned that getting rid of the alcohol is a necessary but insufficient precondition to becoming the person I really want to be. There is still alot of work for me to do.

Drinking was like a self-imposed handicap. Once my mind cleared I found I want to do all kinds of stuff I used to think about but somehow got lost in the fog of booze. You are right that there is no prize delivered to your doorstep once you sober up. My prize is now starring back at me from my mirror and the new feeling of self worth because I escaped the soul numbing clutches of the bottle and the gift of a new freedom to become the person I used to dream I wanted to be.

Happy trails.

145 Days AF

[bear73]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

i am only on day 5 (well 2 if i count again from my lapse of a beer). I was thinking abotuthis in my gym class and in the sauna after.for firsttime i n about a month due to hangovers.I feel chilled out and inspired now - more than I can remember for a long time!
booze was my comofrt, way of making me feel more interesting, I always worried I was boring. Now I've realised I'm not boring - I'm bored! Yes to the hangovers ad low level anxiety/low mood taking over, that's why I'm sticking with the month AF(at least)
Realised being totally honest each time that I start drinking again it's for other people/my fear of not fitting in.

There's loads I want to do, decorate my house, learn an instrument, scuba, painting, jewellery making, improve my knitting, brush up on a language, creative writing (in an anonymous setting though, too scared to identify myself), roller skating,do a life coaching course run my ten k in a good time and learn to meditate and roller blade (not at the same time), I'd also like to learn how to design my own clothes.

Yet for years I have socialised, got drunk, smoked tonnes and had hangovers, put on weight and had no time/money/motivation to do any of that and suffered lwo self esteem and anxiety. Partly I think activities you get engrossed in take you out of yourself and stop you thinking constantly (a BIG problem of mine)
It's scary but exciting - is it best do you think to concentrate initially on just getting fit and staying af and cigarette free. Try and bring one thing in at a time?

[Bella]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

It sounds like your life is taking off Star! Good for you. I hope things work out. I'm sure they will with that positive vibe of yours. Bella xxx

[julie001]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

What an uplifting thread. I'm so happy for you Starlight!

Julie

[uda]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Brilliant thread - makes me feel very optimistic and excited.

[Chief]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Beautiful post, Star.... You are the real deal.... As I've said before, you have been instrumental in my 22 Day AF run. Thank you. It is a pleasure to know you. Don

[beatle]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Way to go. You are as old as you feel. I'm right behind you.

p.s. you're not going to disappear on us are you?

[wakupmom]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

OMG. This thread really got to me.So,so uplifting,emotional,and spiritual.Thankyou starlight,and everyone that contributed.I wish you the best of luck with your studies, and to all of you that are trying to take something back from what has been robbed from us whilst under the influence of this awfull disease.
Sending you lots of hugs xx

[Marshy]

OVERCOMING THE AF VOID.

Good for you Starlight, that's fantastic, and a timely reminder (for me) that going AF is the beginning of all sorts of possibilities not the end of anything.
What are you going to study?