I am in Huge Emotional Pain

[MyOwnWoman]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hi Beth,
I too send you hugs. One of the things I've appreciated about this forum is that even when there is no certain advice that will help with a particular problem, it is very comforting to be able to simply share here, to speak of pains that we hold inside, and to get supportive sentiments from others who truly care. It's great that you reached out with this thread... I suggest you post of more of your feelings about the loss of your neice if you feel it would relieve some of the grief.
Take care.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

wow. I am blown away by all of your amazingly kind words! I have so much to add, but my son is right here doing homework. I will come back in a little bit and say all I want. I just wanted to say thank you, thank you , thank you, right now. You are all amazing!!

I love you guys

Beth:h :h

[Java]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Its good to see you again, I had been wondering where you were hiding. Glad you are back (although not the best circumstances) I Think about your niece all the time. I had been missing your avatar as well. (makes me smile)

Victoria

[Determinator]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

heya Beth!! I got here late....big hugs and please come and chat...I'll be there every night I can. XXXX

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

guys

still want to check in and say more...go figure...I am now sick...dont know what the deal is...but really sick...as in puking...UGGHHH

I will come on here tomorrow..I have so much I want to say

Thanks again...you don't know how much it means

Beth

[pansy]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Sorry you are sick Beth. Your guy is doing homework? Wow - I don't have to go back until tomorrow.

Please do make sure to come and visit chat. Even though I am not on much, I always try to pop in. I will try to be there more often!

Thinking of you big time,
Pans

[Prest4time]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hey Beth...

Sorry I'm jumping in here late as well, as I have not logged on all day till now. I'm glad you reached out, and I know everyone here really does care about you so much. It was so good to hear your voice the other day, and I'm especially sorry that you are sicky poo to boot!!

I think your daughter going away to college this year too is probably magnifying the loss of Lindsay. I'm here for you anytime.... remember I lost my niece tragically as well, but much younger so I didnt have as many years to know her as you did with Linds. Time does heal a lot of that stabbing grief... you are going through the worst of it now, and it will get better, I promise.

There's a nasty stomach thingy going around -- I've been crossing my fingers here as well! Come back when you feel better!

Miss you~
Allie

[abby1]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Beth,

It was so great to hear from you even though not the best of times for you. I miss seeing your post and talking to you in chat. I hope that everyday get a little bit better for you.
I can't imagine the horrible pain it has been for you and your family after the death of your niece. My thoughts are with you.
Take care.
Abby

[Happier]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hi Beth,
I do remember you too. We once talked in chat and you were very nice to me.
We are all on this site because we all need help. So don't feel alone.
Welcome back and I bet you feel so welcome after seeing all these messages.
Hope you are feeling better!!

Happier

[Going Strong]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Know What You Are Going Through

Hi Beth,
I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time now, grief is aweful but is something that does have to be felt and all the stages ackinowledged. When my brother died at 24 yrs we were all heartbroken but me being the eldest took on the job of making sure my parents and sisters were OK (I think I did it to push away my pain). I didn't grieve for a year....because I thought I was too busy looking after everybody else! Well it came and bit me on the bum bigtime! You have to feel your pain to go to the next step...it sounds harsh I know but it's the only way.
Lean on your family and everybody here, we all want to help.
One day you will notice that the sun is shining, it will never shine as much as it used too but you will feel some peace.
Much Love

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hi again guys!

Well, better this morning. Don't know what hit me yesterday, but I had one baaad stomach bug. Maybe that was feeding into my low mood on Sunday night as well? I don't know. But, I did want to come on and truly thank you all for everything you have said. It all has so much truth to it. Some of you asked me how "I" am doing. Truthfully, probably not so good. I think losing Lindsay has been really hard. I really have been fortunate in life before this, in that I never lost anyone closer than a grandparent, and losing her, seeing her die...it is all a lot. I just can't wrap my brain around that she is gone. But, I am sure it is more than just Lindsay. It must be. I have had some of the most awful dreams of late. In one, I found my sister in a room, barely alive, and still hanging by a noose after trying to kill herself. Mind you, my sister is not severely depressed or anything, so the dream is not my worry about her in that way. I also had a terribly frightening dream that my husband was driving me and my daughter, and somehow ran off the road and it was a cliff. The car was suspended in air, and I was clearly aware that we were going to die. I started to scream "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD". I was apparently screaming it out loud, because my husband woke me up. I was sweating and crying. I have had dreams about giving away my daughter's baby clothes. My daughter just started college, and as Allie said in her post, I am sure that is also effecting my emotional state. I am so happy for her, but it is also a huge adjustment to have my first "leave the nest".

I must say one thing here though. I must admit that I have not been doing the things I need to do to help myself. For example, this summer, after Lindsay died, my kids were away, my work was non-existent (I test kids-not much work over the summer), and I chose to sleep in and wallow most the day. I didn't exercise, didn't do much productive, and spent much too much time in my own head. Not good. I continued to drink, and just...well, you know, the whole self-pity thing. BUT I never came here to ask for help, or went anywhere else either. That is my M.O. I think I can handle things on my own, and I can't.

Yesterday, my husband "forced" me to go to the gym with him. Once I got there, I not only did one step class, but I was having such a great time I stayed for a second class. I realized that I need to take care of myself better. I have to get myself going. I guess I am depressed, and I should know better than to wallow in it. I need to get up, get out of my own head and function. Not that I shouldn't grieve, or share, I need to. But that is just it, I need to SHARE my grief, not wallow in it. And, I need to put it in a place, not sit all day with it.

SO, that is what I wanted to tell you all. And to thank you again for being so responsive to my post. I wrote it in misery, and was so shocked to come back a day later and find 3 pages of such kind and caring words. You are all the best.

With so much love,

Me :h

[hart]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

I remember you and You will overcome this hon. She will always live in your heart:l

[gabby]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

That was such a great post. I'm glad you could write all that. Thinking of you.

[Preciouspinot]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Beth,

Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner. I just got back in town and have not been near the internet since Friday afternoon. I am sorry to hear to are having such a hard time. I have never lost anyone that close to me before so I can't imagine what you are dealing with right now. I'm glad that your hubby dragged your butt to the gym and that it is doing some good. Stick around and let us support you.

Lets have lunch again soon!

[Guest]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

beth, so sorry I haven't responded sooner. I cannot imagine the pain your feeling with your neice's death and I won't prentend too. I know it has to hurt like hell. I can identify with the empty nest part though. I miss my daughter and Grandson terribly. I like you am trying to find some ways to fill the void. Drinking wise I am doing well but, I am finding myself going back into other bad old habits compulsive shopping and seeing the resurfacing of my anorexia. I am battling these right now. I guess everyday we will have issues to deal with, I think the real game plan is to make the best of each day we have. I am glad to hear you made some steps today. I will pray for the healing of you and your family
Hugs
Mar