I am in Huge Emotional Pain

[OverIt2007]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hi Beth. I remember you and your story. I remember looking at the pictures you posted of Lindsay and thinking how the words you described about her fit to an absolote truth. She certainly was a beautiful treasure, and can always be that treasure in the memories of your hearts. Its going to take time to feel better again, but I hope each day gets a bit brighter for you and your family.

[chrysa]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Hi Beth,
Just read your update. I think the dreams are expressing this feeling that the rug (your life) has been suddenly pulled out from under you, leaving you suspended. Lindsy's death was very very sad. Not all deaths are as sad. This one will take a while to heal so don't put yourself down for that. The grieving process could be longer than you thought or convoluted.

I remember when my first went off to college. I really was shook up. Cried all night the first night. It's a big deal when your life changes like this.

I think you will be fine though. You are strong & loving.

Hate to sound like I have been there, but I have..

Hang in...

Love & Hugs~C~

[Guest]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Beth,
Am glad to hear you`re feeling a little better. I don`t think people ever get over such a premature death in the family........they learn to live with it, through time. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of pain you are going through.

I only hope your friends here can offer you comfort. Know that we are with you every day.

All my love,

Starlight Impress x

[bootsie]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

beth, thank you so much for coming back and just sharing yourself. it is hard when the grief takes over and then the depression takes over. so proud of you for getting yourself up and going to the gym and sharing yourself here and even making it to chat. sounds like you have a family that is very supportive as well. so thank you for allowing us to be with you and for really opening my heart up. much affection bootsie

[karma7171]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Beth

One thing I know for sure is that your niece is a beautiful soul. I am not one to say that things happen for a reason...because if I tried to wrap my brain around the reason for losing those close to me I would go nuts. What I do know is that it happened and I had no control over it.

I don't think that you ever really get over it. It more becomes a part of who you are. The pain lingers...doesn't stay as long as the day before...but it remains in your heart. But what remains as well is the joy and gratitude for knowing this person while they were here. This is a gift. We are better people for having known them even if their life was short.

karma

[Accountable for Me]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Beth, thinking of you. I know this must be so terribly hard now that it has had some time to digest. Much love to you and your family.

[eustacia]

I am in Huge Emotional Pain

Dear Beth,

It is so hard to get on with even the routine in life when one's soul is so shattered. The year before I joined, I lost ten people very dear to me. One was a niece (not by blood; too complicated to explain here) who succumbed to cancer in her early 20s. Some of the deaths were unpredictable--my like my mom five days after she had been diagnosed with cancer. Two others I had seen coming. I have to be circumspect about what I write about my niece, because for reasons entirely unrelated to her illness, she was a shining light and many people had their sights on her. She did not want to be remembered for her fight against cancer but for her vision of a different kind of life for people less fortunate than she. Like Lindsay, my niece fought fiercely in the face of a prognosis of "no hope."

Because of the number of deaths that simultaneously occurred in my life, and because I had lost no one that I knew very well in many years--I was WAY out of practice of grieving, I became profoundly, unremittingly sad. The death of a talented young adult felt like a theft, and I was also angry at the spiritual powers whom others described as deliverers of grace.

Two years later, her mother is emerging from her own deep mourning and she is helping me remember the wonderful years I shared with my niece and how, across generations, we loved each other. Occasionally, we even laugh at this young woman's embrace of the absurd or her comic antics. In short, I am healing and growing from the experience of this tragedy in ways that I never could have anticipated.

I didn't know that I would ever smile when I thought about my niece, but now I do. I feel that with her mother's help I am now coming full circle in my grieving. I am beginning to feel peace where before there was only a wretched void.

It will take time and, inevitably, your journey will be different from mine, but the aching sadness does give way to the memories of love.

:heart: E