again I begin...

[buckledown]

Hi there...i am really struggling and need to refocus on being well...i am having issues at home and retreated to the wine...i was AF from June 5th - August 3rd...and then after 2 weeks of travel for work and increasing stress at home i blew it....I drank straight through Aug 4th - Aug 21st while on the road...and then have had 2, 3 and 4, AF day periods..Last night i totally threw in the towel...the stress was just too much...and so i thought it would at least stop for a little while if i drank...and boy did I....yuck.....what i'm really missing is the commitment and passion i had this summer for those 2 months...I want it back...i started back on topa today...and am going to make myself post...i have been lurking and reading and i really need some support....i am embarrased and i like my self so much better when i'm not obsessing over the wine....life is just easier and better....especially for my kids..i'm here to again begin...i feel so sad....thanks for reading....:upset: buckle

[jessie]

again I begin...

You will reach a day when you finally realise that you really have to do everything it takes.
Good luck and you can make it.
Jessie

[MyOwnWoman]

again I begin...

Hey Buckle, I can SO relate... (though I haven't yet had as long AF stretches as you).
You are here posting and taking topa again... that shows that you do have the commitment and passion that you did. You just need to brush away the negative self-talk that is keeping that commitmentment and passion in the shadows.

I've surely used as reasons/excuses to drink my stressful personal problems of late... seems so reasonable, at the moment. "All I'm going through, I need a drink, I deserve a drink.." etc. Need a drink? for what, to feel worse? Deserve a drink? Like the shame and hangover are rewards?

It's not just about not drinking - it's about changing the way we think so that our thoughts don't sabotage our sobriety. I'm learning MUCH from the book "Healing the Addictive Mind". As the author says, he believes in overcoming addiction from the inside out - that is, changing the destructive thought patterns that bring about our addictive behavior.

Anyway - I recommend it highly. And GOOD FOR YOU to come back here and gathering the strength to recommit.
hugs to you,
MOW

[buckledown]

again I begin...

thanks so much for taking the time to post..it helps so much...xx buckle

[lushy]

again I begin...

Buckle, I remember your enthusiasm when you were AF. Focus on those two months, remember how great you felt and how proud you must have felt. If you did it then, you sure as heck can do it again. Stick around.

[Accountable for Me]

again I begin...

Buckle, it is so easy to succumb to stress/tiredness/frustration and start drinking again. I have been there. Keep reaching out to us and keep on trying. Every time you make an effort to become AF the stronger you get. You can do this!

[buckledown]

again I begin...

Thanks for remembering me....i really appreciate the encouragement...buckle

[Guest]

again I begin...

Don`t be sad buckle.
Sure, you`ve been drinking again, but your lengthy AF stint shouts out that you can do this.
Believe in yourself once more, buckle......you did it before and you`ll do it again.

Love and renewed strength to you,

Starlight Impress x

[rvm14136]

again I begin...

Buckle, I'm awed by your two months AF. I hope to get there myself someday. It sounds like you are ready to get the "eye of the tiger" and make another long run. Good luck and good health.
Rob2

[Chief]

again I begin...

Welcome back Buckle, You can do it again, starting today. Look forward to removing the poison from your body and getting that clean, sober feeling back. Keep reading and posting and you'll be back where you want before you know it. 1 day at a time.. Don

[Guest]

again I begin...

i did 6 weeks and felt a mixture of elation and depression ,however we all know excessive drinking is shit so keep at it!

[slightlysuze]

again I begin...

Hallo Buckle.....now you're back here you can get on track again......you've proved that you can go AF so you're already one step ahead of last time.

It's so true....alcohol is no 'reward' at all...it does all sorts of bad things to you - finding that idea here on MWO was a real breakthrough for me. It's not a reward, it's a punishment.....I find that a really useful thought.

Take a deep breath, shoulders back, big smile.....and get ready to start again!

Take care


SS

[Cinders]

again I begin...

So glad you are back!!

As a fellow traveler, I know how difficult it is to side step the bar on the way to the room.

I have found that walking, swimming, etc. help. Generally, I think us travelers end up drinkers just so we have someplace to go and chat rather than sit in an empty hotel room. I have found I can sit at the bar and chat without wine. What a concept!! (But it is hard and so I do avoid it unless I am really really lonely.)

I am sorry you are having so much stress in your family and work life right now. And yes, we do use alcohol as a quick remedy for that, don't we?

However, Doggy Girl's signature includes the line "There is nothing so bad in life that smoking or drinking can't make worse!!" or some such thing, and we both know how true that is.

Take care, glad you are back, and we will both be better off without the wine.

Love,
Cindi

[Niblet]

again I begin...

Good to see you again Buckle down !!!! Hop back on that wagon, it's there waiting for you and you hold a ticket to get on !!! Take the topa, allow it to do its job and carry on from there,,, All the best to you !!! You will do just fine.

[IAD]

again I begin...

Buckledown,
There's this old song I just to hear from my fathers old records.....Begin the Begin ! I just thought of it when I read your thread. I guess the title says it all ! IAD