Hi guys,
This is a rant sorry
My husband is very helpful but usually I feel like the director, manager, coordinator of all of our lives and I feel a huge burden on my shoulders that maybe be partly self- imposed because I have anxiety issues. He frustrates me when I am trying to get things done and he plays with her and throws her around like a football and pokes her in the eye by accident one day or elbows her in the nose the next. I totally lose it. And she totally right now loves him more than me, she couldn't care less if I were here or not and I am so jealous because I try so hard to make sure she has everything she needs and to give her love without the football part, and help her with her speech. She has food allergies, a speech delay and she is getting services from the state, I coordinated all of that. If I don't clean the place simply doesn't get clean. I pay the bills, manage all our finances. I wait and wait to see and it never happens unless I finally crack and say could you please clean the flippin bathroom.
We both work so it can't all fall on my shoulders. Like I said he'll do anything I ask of him I am just so sick of asking and anticipating everything that needs to happen around here.
The one thing he does do that is amazing (he's getting sick of it though) is gets up for her almost every morning during the week Mon-Thursday (I'm off Friday) while I am getting ready for work, he is making the bed, the coffee, giving her milk, changing her diaper and putting on her speech dvd (he goes to work later than me). He also deals with the nanny but I have to tell him what to tell her, ha ha. Our morning system is great. I come out of the shower and get handed a cup of coffee. That ain't bad. It evolved into that somehow probably because I was too hungover before to function as quickly as him in the morning but it's still going on.
But here's the biggest issue right now. He told his best friend about all this (meaning me) and I wanted this to be kept between us indefinitely. I was planning to moderate in a few weeks and no one would have even needed to know!!!
I haven't told anyone and it's my problem and he said he needed someone to talk to about it. But now of course his friend will tell his wife and she will tell her friends and it'll never be the same again. I've been branded by my own husband. If he said I just wanted to clean out for a while so we could get pregnant but he told him about the meds, this site, everything, so I've been outed by my own husband. I found out because his friend wants us to go visit them next weekend for Memorial Day weekend- they have a new daughter and a big beautiful house and backyard and his friend is also a wine lover (took an interest after my husband did) but it's an excuse to drink wine for him. We always have a great time when we go there. Anyhow I guess that is when he told him, which means if we go no one will drink because they won't want the lush to slip so I'm not going, I'm too embarrassed.
They have this couple friend that has a daughter that is a little younger than mine (she's probably around 2) and the mom is one of those ones that always has to "top" you especially when it comes to her kid, she thinks she's a genius. I am so paranoid that she's going to think that my daughter is speech delayed because I drank during pregnancy which I did NOT DO!!! I basically told him to go drink his face off so I didn' ruin everyone's time, sleep there and leave me alone and i'll stay home with the baby. I can't face these people. He said he wasn't going anywhere without me so I told him I guess he was staying home too so he's ruined his own weekend as well. I should have realized, his friend hasn't called the house phone in weeks. This is a huge deal to me, how do I forgive this?? I am humiliated. :evil >: >:
This is a rant sorry
My husband is very helpful but usually I feel like the director, manager, coordinator of all of our lives and I feel a huge burden on my shoulders that maybe be partly self- imposed because I have anxiety issues. He frustrates me when I am trying to get things done and he plays with her and throws her around like a football and pokes her in the eye by accident one day or elbows her in the nose the next. I totally lose it. And she totally right now loves him more than me, she couldn't care less if I were here or not and I am so jealous because I try so hard to make sure she has everything she needs and to give her love without the football part, and help her with her speech. She has food allergies, a speech delay and she is getting services from the state, I coordinated all of that. If I don't clean the place simply doesn't get clean. I pay the bills, manage all our finances. I wait and wait to see and it never happens unless I finally crack and say could you please clean the flippin bathroom.
We both work so it can't all fall on my shoulders. Like I said he'll do anything I ask of him I am just so sick of asking and anticipating everything that needs to happen around here.
The one thing he does do that is amazing (he's getting sick of it though) is gets up for her almost every morning during the week Mon-Thursday (I'm off Friday) while I am getting ready for work, he is making the bed, the coffee, giving her milk, changing her diaper and putting on her speech dvd (he goes to work later than me). He also deals with the nanny but I have to tell him what to tell her, ha ha. Our morning system is great. I come out of the shower and get handed a cup of coffee. That ain't bad. It evolved into that somehow probably because I was too hungover before to function as quickly as him in the morning but it's still going on.
But here's the biggest issue right now. He told his best friend about all this (meaning me) and I wanted this to be kept between us indefinitely. I was planning to moderate in a few weeks and no one would have even needed to know!!!
I haven't told anyone and it's my problem and he said he needed someone to talk to about it. But now of course his friend will tell his wife and she will tell her friends and it'll never be the same again. I've been branded by my own husband. If he said I just wanted to clean out for a while so we could get pregnant but he told him about the meds, this site, everything, so I've been outed by my own husband. I found out because his friend wants us to go visit them next weekend for Memorial Day weekend- they have a new daughter and a big beautiful house and backyard and his friend is also a wine lover (took an interest after my husband did) but it's an excuse to drink wine for him. We always have a great time when we go there. Anyhow I guess that is when he told him, which means if we go no one will drink because they won't want the lush to slip so I'm not going, I'm too embarrassed.
They have this couple friend that has a daughter that is a little younger than mine (she's probably around 2) and the mom is one of those ones that always has to "top" you especially when it comes to her kid, she thinks she's a genius. I am so paranoid that she's going to think that my daughter is speech delayed because I drank during pregnancy which I did NOT DO!!! I basically told him to go drink his face off so I didn' ruin everyone's time, sleep there and leave me alone and i'll stay home with the baby. I can't face these people. He said he wasn't going anywhere without me so I told him I guess he was staying home too so he's ruined his own weekend as well. I should have realized, his friend hasn't called the house phone in weeks. This is a huge deal to me, how do I forgive this?? I am humiliated. :evil >: >:
:evil >: 8)
Comment