Help Me Understand (If You Can)

[gabby]

Help Me Understand (If You Can)

janka, i have so many things to say about your post. not enough time tho. I'll try to come back.

[MyOwnWoman]

Help Me Understand (If You Can)

Janka - IMHO, I recommend you work on understanding that what he thinks of you is HIS issue, NOT yours. It is all inside him, his perspective, his opinion, etc. Allowing it to hurt you and trying to understand why he feels the way he does and says what he does is pointless - as it really has nothing to do with you, ultimately. His experience is his, his opinion is his. The only thing that can hurt you is what you make of his words and actions in your mind. LET IT GO. You know the truth of you. Not him. Especially since you are splitting up anyway, does it really matter what he thinks of you?

Separate your self from him - I mean, your inner self. Disengage, disconnect, so that his words cannot harm you. Because after all, they are only words and are not the truth of who you are!! If they hurt because they do touch on some truth that you believe about yourself, work on that constructively.

[happycamper68]

Help Me Understand (If You Can)

Janka,
I think he has a right to be upset but not abusive. His struggle to stay sober cannot be easy if he is living with a drinker so i can see sort of where he is coming from, but it doesn't give him the right to treat you like garbage. And I agree with what everyone said about AA. If he is best friends with his sponsor you don't stand a chance.

My dad married a woman he met in AA, left my mother for her while my mom was dying of a brain tumor, so I have obvious issues with AA. My dad is also a "dry drunk", is pissy all the time and uses other things like cigarettes and painkillers that he got hooked on from various surgeries that, I believe, if he didn't have these things he would have picked up the bottle again.

Try to stay sober, and if you think it is worth working on it (the marriage) you should get counseling, but it sounds to me like he is done if you already have been served.

Good luck. Bye the way do you have any kids? :h

[anemone]

Help Me Understand (If You Can)

I think there is something else going on here as well. He, of all people should know this is a horrible horrible problem for you and you would do anything to make it go away and 'be like other people'. This is abusive behavior on his part. Period. There is no other way to put it. You have an illness, like a food allergy, like cancer, like TB. Would he blame you for that? Tell him to take his verbal abuse and shove it. You don't have to take it.
anemone