Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

[Beaches]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

Yes get away somewhere fabulous with just the two of you to reconnect and enjoy each other. That is great therapy.

[lushy]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

I am sorry to hear this too Simey. My first thought was that it was his depression talking and the drinking just exacerbated his bad mood. I also think there is jealousy going on here with you not drinking very much anymore. I hope it was just a little blip in the road for you and everything gets worked out.

[bootcampbarbie]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

i must say simey that i'm sorry to hear of this. my husband and i have spent a good amount of quality time together this last 2 months and a month of it was vacationing. funny though as that was with a group. the best and most connected we've been in years is just me wanting to actually take time out and just be with him. have him be first. he even said it today. he said i just like that you make me feel special. so, don't know but somehow that happened and it was just about us hanging out, working out, going to the movies. one day as i've been so very sick he simply sat on the couch with me all day and watched movies. i really think he loves you alot. i wonder if he thinks because he's drinking and alot and you aren't if maybe you'll be the one not interested in him anymore. hummmmmm. i mean i know we always talk about having a drinking partner but drinking is really so about internalizing anyway. so, who cares really if one has a partner. i don't know i'd do the exact opposite of what he is saying and pour on even more love and understanding; i mean i know for me. god what my husband has dealt with these years. oy veh. happy new year. luv bootsie

[Accountable for Me]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

Simey, sorry you are going through so much pain right now. I know you are such a wonderful person. I just adore you. He must be going through some midlife crisis right now. Just know it has nothing to do with you.

[julie001]

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Just wanted to send my support your way. Relationship issues are the most emotionally draining of all the problems we face in life. It's difficult to keep the lines of communication open in a marriage--even harder when alcohol is involved. Hang in there. Don't give up. And be proud of your strong personality! Hugs!

Julie

[Guest]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

Thanks each and evey one. Hab, thanks for the male perspective. Last night was quite, he didn't drink and he apologized for the evning before. AM, my husband is 39 won't be 40 until Feb. Currently his company that he is president of is on the market. (we don't own it Thankfully) I do think that he is afraid that of starting somewhere else that he is unmarketable (he has been with his company 10 years)..simply not true. What pissed me off about my friend was she is the UBER- Christian. Thanks God verbablly if she gets a close parking spot. No kidding. Well in all her honesty and christian duty to tell me that my husband went to that strip club, she left out something about them. and I felt that very hypocritical, upon reflection.l. I won't say anything because our husbands are friends and she has a little child, and it was 20 years ago. I just hate finding out things later when sooner would have been so much better. I know my husband loves me, he makes an effort to spoil me rotten. I am not one to show physical affection (goes back to childhood) He knows that. I am trying. He made a statement the othe day while sober, which I found very sophmorixc and found myself leaving the room dumbfounded. He said all I like to do is "drink, gamble and F**k.( this is not him, this is where he goes dark) He goes to Atlantic City often to gamble. He always makes money and gives me half of his winnings for play money for myself. We are going to Dallas next month for a few days and are going to try to treat that like an escape. It's not like we don't do things together, I took him out last week in my convertible ( it was finally the right weather) I drove we went to the vineyards and talked. When sober usually not a whole lot of this comes out. He used to never drink only upon occassion now it's 5-7 on drinking nights. I mentioned marriage counseling, his friend Steve is in it with his wife, and tells him it's just a rip-off and he stoped going even though his wife still attends. He still tells me that he his proud over my success with MWO. I do try to remind myself of all the times the guy came home to find me drunk passed out on the floor. I guess seeing him cry and hearing him say he dosen't feel loved by me unnerved me. I know I am unflinching, most of the time, but that dosen't mean unfeeling. He says my strength is something he admires, but yet seems a little resentful of it. I am going on much to long, Thanks for listening. Lucky Thanks for the hug, I know that was hard for you (haha) Seriously all of you are dear. I think I should seek couseling on my own. Hab, you are right, he says he dosen't feel attractive anymore, and calls me the "Trophy". I have to look deeper. It's 4:45 on a Sat morning why am I up this early ? Please enjoy your weekend

[YoungAtHeart]

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Hi Simey,

I'm so sorry that you've been going through this. Marriage is so hard when your partner can't really hear what you are trying to say, just as your hubby can't hear how much you love him. It does sound like he is going through several things right now, and since you are really the closest to him, you get to bear the brunt of it.

I wish I had some profound advice. Hang in there, kiddo. I'll be thinking of you. You've got lots of people who really care here.

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[Guest]

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Oh Mar,
I am SO SORRY and sad to hear this. I just think of you two as the perfect couple. You always seem so happy and I can hear the love in your voice when you speak of your husband. I really think this is a bump! You both loe each other. He is stressed from work and the drinking makes him depressed. Maybe he should try the program? You have had company lately, so he may be feeling a little left out???
As for the friend, I know which friend you are referring to and I am shocked too. I don't think she is a very good friend. It happened before you, but I would be hurt they both left that little detail out too. Try to get past it. I don't think it was kept from you to hurt you. I think they were protecting your feelings.
Much love to you!

[Paddy]

Explain this to me... PLEASE!!!

Happy Mar that things look a bit brighter. I just finished reading the thread. I'm taking off on the marriage train in December. It's rapidly approaching, grin ... First time for me, second time for my fianc?e. Scary. But, heck, one needs challenges. It's been too quiet for me.