Have to confess, feeling horrible

[Guest]

I just need to get this off my chest because I am disgusted with myself. I have been doing really well the last couple of weeks with moderating. Last night I blew it. My daughter was singing solo in a school revue, which had me nervous to begin with. I am not very social anymore, probably a byproduct of my drinking, and I do not care for the parents at her school, sooooooo I plied myself with a few glasses of wine before we left. I was fine and composed (although I am sure I smelled of wine). My daughter did so well and when we got home I was in celebratory mode so I proceeded to have some more glasses. I did not count as I was drinking out of a box, which I have decided I will not be doing again as it is too easy to drink too much because you cannot tell how much you are drinking. And on top of that I did not eat dinner because God forbid I ingest any real, healthy calories or I might get fat. (!!?!! Warped thinking I know). So now today I am SUFFERING. I feel like I want to throw up. The thing I am so pissed about is that I was not craving these glasses to begin with; it really was more to get me feeling more social and not so anxiety ridden with being around these people I do not care for.......does anyone else have issues with not wanting to go out in public very often? I am turning into such a recluse and it is turning me into an angry person. Ugh. Okay, I just had to put this into writing so I can somehow let it go, move on, and be better today. Thanks for listening.

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

I can't relate to the not being sociable, although I must say that since I stopped drinking I have passed up many opps to go out because they always involve drinking. I blew it on Mother's Day. So yes I have become more of a homebody because all my friends go out drinking. I'm a mom now so I had not gone out much to begin with, frankly I did my best drinking at home with my husband and would sneak extra sips of his or get another bottle while he was showering or cooking or whatever that was the same exact brand so he didn't realize I drank the other one. My drinking made me a recluse because i looked forward to coming home after work and chilling out getting buzzed, putting the baby to bed and then getting really tanked. So now I am a recluse for a different reason, to resist temptation. If any of my friends invited me out for a drink after work and I suggested coffee instead they would fall down and have a heart attack. It's just not what "we" do. They would all mostly have a moderate amount and I would convince someone to stay and have one more and one more and one more. It wasn't hard to convince people.

You've been doing so well though, don't let this make you fall into a bender. Then you'll really feel horrible. Go throw up and eat something healthy, and have some nice tea and take a bath if you can. xoxo Patty

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Thanks

Thanks Patty. I will not go on a bender but man I wish I would feel better. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves? I also just realized that today is the 1st anniversary of my mom passing away. Not a good day............I hope your ultrasound goes well. Keep us posted.

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Hi
This is the first time EVER that I have given anybody any advice on drinking, and I dont even feel qualified, but you have to stop beating yourself up. It may not have felt like you were "craving" but it was still a craving. It was just a less obvious form. The not going out without a drink bit is just a really bad habit. I know, because I do the same. It used to be a glass of wine to "get me in the mood" but it can easily be a bottle now. You just need more practice. When we go into "our world" we dont need to practice anything, but being sociable etc. need practice and excercising. I usually feel better the day AFTER the day after, so another good nights sleep will help.
Take care and have a good evening.

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Thanks

Thanks Sharon, you are right. I just need more practice getting out without a drink under my belt because I have been getting better about getting out of the habit here at home when I am alone. I can do it. Here's hoping this day will be over so I can wake up tomorrow feeling good!!!

Molly

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Re: Thanks

It's so true it's all about practicing our new lives. It's a hard habit to break. You'll be fine and you'll feel 1000 times better tomorrow. Treat yourself well. Patty

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Been there, done that exactly with the school functions

Yeah, it stinks when you don't feel like you fit in. I personally don't think it is entirely tied to drinking, I really mean that. I have been in the same boat, had a couple to get through it, probably reeked of it and came home and had a few more. One thing I have done for the last five years, though, and I used to pooh-pooh friends that did the same, was to start a journal. I use it to count my drinks, pay my bills, make my to-do lists, count my accomplishments, everything and anything. Perhaps that might help you, too.

Good luck and stay in touch.
Rock

OH, yes, had to put in edit mode. The journaling thing has made me realize triggers and things that set me off to start drinking - not that I have acted on them as much as I should be, but it has made more more aware and I can be more cautious.

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Re: Been there, done that exactly with the school functions

I know exactly where you are because I have been wandering there myself. I am turning into a total hermit and now actually fear social situations. I used to be happy and outgoing -- even without liquor and out frequently for business (and I never drank then bec/ God only knows what would happen). I cannot even get it together to do business stuff anymore. The thought of having to go to a business function terrifies me.

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

NOmorewine, what a great name and my same prob

I also no longer go to business functions because it is "required" to be at the summer picnic, the Xmas party, etc.

I just plan on taking a vacation day or having a doc's appt. or some other convenient excuse so I don't have to wander into those situations where I could make an ass of myself.

fortunately I learned this about 20 years ago and have avoided it since .... I no longer feel compelled to go and company policy cannot dictate whether I socialize with my coworkers, or not. In fact, I rather dislike most of them for their high-falluting, better than you attitudes (and not because they know about my drinking - some of them are heavy drinkers too) but just because they go to church on Sunday or have more education or whatever they think they are better than anyone else? I will say this, people with addiction problems THAT THEY RECOGNIZE are much more compassionate problems than those who have cruised through life with little difficulty, no financials, no deaths, no unemployment, well you get my drift.
Rock

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

BAD BAD BAD BOXES!!!!

Hi All, and Doymojo!

Yes, Doymojo! I stopped with the boxes a long time ago and at least made myself PAY$$$$ my drinking because it was too easy to over drink with those boxes that you couldn't see through to keep track!

Well, you did the best thing you could have done which was come here and *talk* about it right away! If you had to screw up, you certainly found the best antidote! Good luck getting back on track!

Take care!
Kathy

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Re: NOmorewine, what a great name and my same prob

I was "the ass at the Xmas party" last year and asked a co-worker if she was having an affair with the CFO and asked him too!! I don't remember any of it. My boss poured my butt into a cab and I don't remember that either. I apologized profusely the following Monday and she said I was cute!

My industry is insane with the booze. There is a big "reunion" June 8 that I am actually helping to plan and the head of the planning is the biggest alcoholic on the planet. She'll never stop, smokes like a chimney too. This woman is so excited and is going to fall down and have to be taken to the Metro North train in Grand Central like she always does and no one wants to be the last one standing with her. She never remembers any of it. I am leading her to believe I am attending so I don't get grief. I am sad that I will miss this because so many old friends are going. If I get on Topa before it and feel comfortable maybe I will go but it is going to be INSANE. Between then and now I will be invited to at least 2 other happy hours and have passed on 3 or 4 already, always using the baby as an excuse (it's the best one ever! pretend you have one even if you don't!)!!
And Rock- f all those people.

Patty

[Guest]

Have to confess, feeling horrible

Thanks Patty

I don't really want to f all those people - I just see them, in my sober state, for what they really are. NO better than we are.

I just avoid them.

Hang in there, girl. Having to be the party planner really blows (excuse my language - have also had to do that). That makes it SO much harder to get out of attendance! But the baby is a wonderful REASON, Patty, not an excuse.

Best
Cathy