I don't feel so nervous going to the doctors as I did the first time as I have already laid things on the line with her and feel that it would be foolish not to take the help that is waiting for me. I know I cannot go on doing what I was doing. I have opened my eyes to the fact that alcoholism is, in fact, a medical condition and we should not feel ashamed of asking for help. If we had any other illness, we wouldn't think twice about going to the doctor. That thought has helped me with the decision to go back to see her.
As for The Big Clearout............well, this morning I have also gone through the house and put all bottles, cans and casks on the kitchen bench top and just poured it all down the sink. As I watched the liquid swirl around I felt sick at the though that this "innocent" looking stuff is actually poison. I enjoyed pouring it all away. A strange thought I had was imagining my poor insides being subjected to the slow attack of the alcohol, how can I do this to myself? My body is doing me great favours daily, time to show a bit of respect to it and myself.
Don't know how my husband will react when he comes home from work looking for a beer!!! Yesterday we had a big discussion on our need to cut alcohol out of our lives. I hope that by my actions today (ie making the appointment with the doc and throwing out all booze) he will see that things are serious and it's actually, really, going to happen.
Lots of love to you all for your continued support to me - even when I make a fool of myself!! :h
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