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**Guest** · May 15, 2006, 07:59 PM

Ashamed

ashamed

I am impressed that you can speak openly with your Dad about your drinking. Have you talked with him about it before? Does he know you are doing this program? So few of us would have the courage to address their behaviour so directly, that takes strength. It is the strength that will help you continue on your path to recovery. good luck.

**Guest** · May 15, 2006, 08:08 PM

Ashamed

Reenie,
It took a lot to pull yourself together and get that message to your dad. Must have been painful and soul searching. When will you hear from him? I bet it means tons to him that you took the time to apologize and tell him just how much it meant that you realized last night was... not exactly what you had in mind.
I hope you two can talk soon. Maybe a long talk. Maybe he can give you some insight and advice.
I wish you the best, Reenie. Stay hydrated! Sorry...medical person coming out in me... but crying and treadmill and sauna... sister in law just suffered hyponatremia in a marathon and hubby just hooked up on IV for dehydration in a rugby tournament this wknd ... Take care of yourself!!! Love,
Becca

**Guest** · May 15, 2006, 08:31 PM

Ashamed

Re: ashamed

Rubyredhead & Rebecca:
Thank you for your responses. My father raised me and my siblings. He has always been a kind and understanding father. Yes, I have spoken to him several times in the past about my binge drinking. His words to help me to get back on track. I'll here from him via cell phone soon. He probably hasnt had the chance to check his email yet. The tears still haven't stopped. I just got done watching 28 Days with Sandra Bullock. Not only could I relate to her role in the move, I resemble her! At times, my tears wouldn't stop coming. Thank you. Good Night

**Guest** · May 15, 2006, 10:49 PM

Ashamed

Re: 28 days

Reenie,
Oh my!!!! You are so like me!! Putting yourself through obvious conclusion that you will be crying at the end of that movie!!

HEY!! Anyone out there reading this post. 28 days is a great movie. Very relatable. I cried and cried, too. Here's a story. That dang movie was in it's cellophane wrapper for about 4 yrs. I had told a STUDENT INTERN of mine in passing that I sometimes get a tad stressed and enjoy my wine...when she graduated she gave me a silver bracelet with my initials and a hand therapy emblem and That MOVIE!!!! I swear, I never wanted to watch it, cuz I thought "well, then I'll think I have a drinking problem!!" hmmmm OMG I never knew if she knew the signigicance or the implications, but NEVER took the movie out of the cellophane until I started this program 3 1/2 months ago. True Story.
Cried my freaking eyes out. With a bottle of wine. Of course.

Well, Reenie, as per usual, I've gone on much too long. I truly hope you and your father can communicate in some manner to solve things.
BTW.... VERY WEIRD... but I've always been told that I look like Sandra Bullock as well....hmmmmmm
take care, you
Bec

**Guest** · May 15, 2006, 11:03 PM

Ashamed

Been there!

Hey Reenie, I do so know what it feels like to screw up special events...I've done it too and feel as though I've cheated myself and everyone else of a meaningful moment--or just a decent day! It really is great that you could communicate with your father like that--mine, I sent him an email when I went into rehab last month and he sent back a "I'm sure you'll do well" kind of response that wasn't all that helpful...for one thing, I wasn't AT ALL sure I would "do well"--and, anyway, it's not like I was going out for some sort of competitive event! I just had to get clean and sober. And, I haven't heard from him again...been sober 35 days now and not one word from him...the kicker is that if you asked him he would say that we have a great relationship! So, be grateful for having a father who actually talks to you and cares about what's going on in your life.

Too long...but I wanted you to know that we've probably all done something similiar...life goes on and we try again--that's all. Most of the time, it's really no more dramatic than that...mostly, friends understand, family still loves us and the sun will shine again soon...just look how today was here in NYC: it was totally pouring rain this morning, sunny late afternoon, and then pouring again this evening...just like life!

Keep on trying!
best, susan

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 07:25 AM

Ashamed

Re: Been there!

Hi Reenie,

Wow, there are some very wise words above!! I agree, you are quite fortunate to have such a caring father. Have you heard from him yet? I just wanted to lend my support here and offer what help I can. I do hope your tears stop soon, although I know all too well how long they can go on! Let us know of any questions you may have as far as the program goes. As Susan said, the sun will shine again soon, hold onto that thought!!

Donna

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 10:14 AM

Ashamed

Re: Been there!

Reenie did you say you live in New Jersey?
Can you come to NYC on saturday for coffee?

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 11:02 AM

Ashamed

Re: Been there!

Hey Reenie and Happy Camper (and anyone else in NYC area)r--
I just posted a possible plan for our Sat meetup on "Calling all NYC'ers thread....
susan

**Guest** · May 16, 2006, 02:53 PM

Ashamed

re: Been there!

Hi All: I'm feeling emotionally better today. Thanks again for your support, your comments regarding me being strong, and the compliments towards my Dad. I'm a little surprised I haven't heard from him today. He usually calls or emails once a day. I think he's concerned and doesn't know what to say. My husband and I still haven't had our talk. I wasn't in the mood to "chat" last night. Unfortunately, we have to go to a wake tonight. I'm hoping the subject isn't brought up on the drive over to the wake... However, I have to be open and listen. He's concerned, and probably embarrassed. Well enought of that.... I'm a good human being, and am certainly not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure there are worse things I can do. Bec: Too funny about having the 28 Days tape for so long and finally watching it 3 months ago. The Sandra Bullock look a link thing is funny too. I'm going to respond to the NYC Meetup for this Saturday. Thanks again all.

**Guest** · May 17, 2006, 06:55 AM

Ashamed

Hi All: My Father responded to my e-mail. In it he stated that he loves me in caps with xxx's and ooo's. He followed up with a call to me this morning. He told me that on Monday morning, soon after leaving my house and at the airport, he wrote and re-wrote me a letter. He said, that he is mailing it to me today. An that it is "crude". He means crude not in a bad way, but to the point. He stated that the letter is written with emotion, but that it might hurt me, and that he's doesn't want to hurt me, but needs for me to read it with an open mind. The letter should be here by Friday. Meanwhile, I have flight plans for Los Angeles next Thursday. I'm going out there to visit with my friend. She is a lot of fun. Too much fun. Although she works during the day, she never leaves her apartment. Basically, she stays in there and drinks every night and weekend. In a sense, I'm the only friend she has. I have flown out to LA numerous times. We are different in that I want to go to the beach, go hiking, go to Rodeo drive, etc... She intern, likes to go to bars. Please believe me, I do to.... But that's not the kind of trip I have in mind. Anyway, my friend got drunk on Sunday. She called out of work both Monday and Tuesday. I asked her if she still wanted me to fly out. She's not sure...I'm not sure. My father stated, he prefers that I don't go out there. He said, he wrote that in the last paragraph of his letter. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to get away. I already took the days off from work as vacation days. Mind you, I'm 40, I have a mind of my own, but still can't to come to a decision on whether or not my trip to LA is going to be a real vacation or not. Well, I'm very late for work. I can't read this board at work, management can see all that we emlployees do! Therefore, I won't be able to read or respond to any comments until this evening. Thanks All.

**Guest** · May 17, 2006, 07:19 AM

Ashamed

Renee, I'd really reconsider going to see your friend in Los Angeles. It sounds like a recipie for disaster. Maybe in a couple months after have some sobriety under your belt. It is up to you to decide, but I would not go if I was you, it sounds like you dad thinks the same thing.

I'm touched with how open of a relationship you have with your Father. Think of how bad you felt when your dad left for the airport and use those feelings to help yourself not to drink.
Stay strong!

Marcie

**Guest** · May 17, 2006, 07:33 AM

Ashamed

Hey Reenie.
So glad you finally heard from your dad. When that letter comes, like he said, keep that open mind and know he wrote it when he was probably worried sick about you and trying to be stern like any good dad should. I would have given one of my kids a good ole "talkin to" too! He has reassured that he loves you, and it certainly sounds like you two have a rock solid relationship from before this incident. You are so fortunate to have such a caring father! (I remember a month or two back, a thread about several really crummy dads out there...:rolleyes )
About your friend. Got some questions. Is she strictly a drinkin buddy or really true soul mate? To what level does she understand your current situation and how much do you feel comfortable telling her? Can you say AHEAD of time that you are cutting out the booze right now and want to do other things? If she's not supportive of those things, Reenie, I'd say don't go. It just won't be any help or fun. Had a similar situation myself. Right after I started the program, called a girlfriend of mine from Indy. Now, she is a soulmate friend but, of course, our "good time" was to get sloshed together! Thing was, that was not what I needed (obviously) at that time. I needed--like you said-- to get away, and a good friend. So I told her about the drinking ahead of time, went to Indy, and came back a new person. (My girlfriend is one of those really strong, "stand on your own two feel, Becca!", YOU make the choices... she always knows what to say!) Gives good hugs too!
So I guess maybe you need to consider what type of person this friend is, and what her capability to HELP YOU is. That's what you need, Reenie. Getting away is good! But go somewhere where you can relax, clear your mind, and become empowered to do what you need to do. Not somewhere where it is a forlorn conclusion that you'll end up at the dang bar.:
I'm thinking about you!
Becca

**Guest** · May 17, 2006, 08:52 AM

Ashamed

Hi Reenie,

I know it would be a difficult decision to decide not to see your friend in LA, but also I wonder what other alternatives you can think of for a holiday that would be healthier for you? It sounds like you have so many non drinking interests that you might be able to come up with something else that would be a boost to you commitment to get healthier and not a challenge!

Good luck in making your decisions!

Kathy

**Guest** · May 17, 2006, 11:27 AM

Ashamed

Hi Reenie, It sounds like you have some tuff decisions to make. I think if you follow you're instincts...listen to that little voice inside (not all of em!) just mainly your GUT! I know easier said than done...:rolleyes
But I DITTO Rebecca & Kathy on their posts, Godd luck sweetie. Let us know how you're doing. Good friends are sooo precious & important. I know I'm very blessed, hope you are too! Hugs, Judie

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