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When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

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    #1

    When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

    I still dream of my girls when they were 5-10 years old ... They're 14 and 18 now. I think (yeah, right) I hid my "problem" pretty well ... but ... it's not getting me anywhere.

    The last seven days, I've had a back problem .. and have used that problem to drink day-to-night. Stupid, I know. I have a couple before work in the morning and then go into hangover-mode by noon.... using my back pain and the back-meds as an excuse as to why I'm so spaced out. It was a terrifying 15 minutes driving from work to home mid-day today ... I've never felt so out of it.

    I think this week was one of those "OMG, this has to stop" weeks. I found I was actually mad at the booze today. I hated it. I hated that I poured it. I hated that I drank it.

    Interesting. These hate feelings toward booze..... Those rum and cokes used to make me happy.... used to be my pillow .... used to let me relax and enjoy my thoughts.

    Today ... and this week ... they became my enemy. I hate that I needed them to feel better.

    Not sure why I'm sharing this ... except that perhaps I feel it's a turning point...
    AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.
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    #2
    When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

    Btw ... thanks for listening ....

    ~C
    AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

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      #3
      When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

      Mad is a good thing....get mad and take charge of your life. Let your anger make you stronger. :boxer: Go and kick rum and cokes butt. Flushing is even better...:flush:
      Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

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        #4
        When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

        42cat, I can so relate. How many times I have felt like you.

        but, yes, this is a turning point for you. You can see the good in the midst of the bad. This has to stop...

        Don't be hard on yourself. Just look forward to what you will do tomorrow.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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          #5
          When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

          I know just how you feel 42cat.......we`ve all wasted so many yrs. on the booze, and time goes so quickly too.

          No point in dwelling on it though........I think when we start to despise the booze for having robbed us of so much time, we are truly at our turning point, just as you are now.

          Love and strength to you for your journey ahead.

          Starlight Impress x

          Comment

            #6
            When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

            probably aren't hiding it as well as you think either. i used to think i was hiding it and then realized nope. it was just no one was saying anything. oy veh that was mortifying. and yep you really can smell it on the breathe when you aren't drinking. so as they say wasted years and no sense dwelling on it. we have time enough now to start anew. like i want to take some classes and learn a language or two. that's what i'm up to next. good luck girl
            :welcome:

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              #7
              When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

              I have to be careful about the regrets. When I first went AF I had a lot of regrets, but now that I look at what is going on in my life, it is a help with the grown kids and others. Even when we are not well. we never know what God is doing. If nothing else, I now have the desire to remain AF. Period. I don't think "I" did that. I wanted to, and I made several attempts, but without God nothing worked. I'm thankful for a My Way Out Program that works and The people here who really care. I feel blessed
              :huggy
              bear
              What St. Frances of Assisi said of himself is true for me.
              ?If God can work through me He can work through anybody.?

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                #8
                When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                *hugs* to everyone .. thank you so much for replying ... In coming downstairs (to the computer room) just now, I spilled a full drink - one that I did not want to pour .. one that I was mad at ... but one I poured anyway, after waiting as long as I could. I hated that drink .... and as I sat it on the desk here, it toppled and poured almost completely out, onto the floor.

                I quickly sopped it up (no one's home - thank goodness) ... and here I am. A sign? Maybe.

                Thanks for letting me talk here ... this site .. and you all ... are one of a kind ... and I'm thankful for finding you!

                ~Catt
                AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                Comment

                  #9
                  When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                  42cat-- I understand what you say-- I've done that (spilled the drink) and taken it as a sign. Hmm, is it really, or are you drunk?

                  MDBiker/Bear (Most Cuddly Member?)-- I'm interested in what you say about God, but very sceptical-- care to elaborate?
                  Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                  Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                  Comment

                    #10
                    When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                    I can definitely say I'm not drunk .. I did my best to not be today. In the last six hours, I've had two ... and it's sad to say that that's a good thing, but indeed it is. Now .. to get through the rest of the evening...

                    Thanks again everyone ...
                    AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                      No, two in the last six hours sounds not so bad. About my level, actually. And I'm not drunk. But I'd be happier if it was none. I'm aiming for none tomorrow. How about you?
                      Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                      Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                      Comment

                        #12
                        When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                        Hey Cat. You aren't drunk and you have only had 2. That is a great start. If spilling a drink is a sign for you then let it be just that.

                        I missed out on a lot with my oldest over the last few years. From the time she was 9 I was goin' atter every night. (with the exception of my pregnancy with her sister) She was living with her father and his family anyway and I didn't think what I did on my own time wouldn't affect her. I was certainly wrong. We honestly are only kidding ourselves.

                        I can never replace what we have lost together but I sure as hell am not wasting any more time. Seeing she will be 14 in November there are few years there of pure hate and resentment towards me. We are slowly working towards the rebuilding our relationship.

                        Anyway..... yep, I still feel like complete shit about all of this and it haunts me daily. We all have our regrets and they come to the forefront when we quit, but it is good to deal with them. Being drunk won't help anything. It just suppresses what is there and creates more regrets. We cannot change the past. We can only decide from this moment on what we want for our futures.

                        I guess my point is this: It is NEVER too late if you really want it bad enough.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                          I think a lot of us can relate to your post 42cat.

                          I think it seems as though alcohol is helping or soothing but in fact it is doing the complete reverse.

                          I have not overcome my problem but I have cut down a lot. I don't view alcohol as a problem solver anymore. I think in place of alcohol there needs to be yourself. Development of a good relationship with oneself seems stunted when you are drinking a lot. But inadequacy is an illusion. We are actually able to soothe ourselves or deal with problems, without booze, more than we give ourselves credit for.

                          It helps me to think of it that way.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                            Thanks to you all ... Made it through last night ... and actually told hubby that tonight I want to go to bed early, not have any meds (for my back), and not have any alcohol. (I haven't told him about my concerns re. alcohol .. just sorta put it in there with the back stuff ... but perhaps it's a start .. maybe.. hopefully.) ....... He was very supportive. A good sign. Here we go.

                            Thanks again. *crossing fingers*

                            ~C
                            AF for two years. Slight relapse. Working on it at the moment.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              When did my kids grow up? I hate booze.

                              My fingers and toes crossed for you too 42cat!!

                              Starlight Impress x

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