Screwed Up

[hopeforhealth]

Was so excited last week. Had 15 days AF and just feeling like a million bucks - strong and healthy. Friend came to visit "Just have a half a glass" -- down hill from there. Went away for my neice's wedding and made a fool of myself. I am destroyed and downtrodden and do not feel like there is any hope for "moderation". I had such hope. I had such faith. I was ok -- I could do it - I could moderate - FAILED - so sad, so very sad! And embarresed.. I am 56 years old - what is wrong with me!

[nancy]

Screwed Up

What you describe is the nature of the problem. Nothing you said will be unfamiliar to the readers on this website.

Doing without for 15 days is great but clearly doesn't mean one can moderate. So you made a fool of yourself.. .let that be a negative motivator to try harder/do better next time. But don't think you are any less of a person because you are struggling with this addiction. more than ever you need an empathetic, compassionate person to turn to and that person most importantly is YOU.

You have the choice now of trial and error with moderation or just being abstinent for a while to get some peace of mind.

Hope you keep visiting and let us know of your progress..
Also, if you could let us all know what aspects of the program you have tried and did not work that might be helpful.

[happycamper68]

Screwed Up

What is wrong with you is that you are just like most of us.

You probably cannot moderate from the way it sounds and I can relate as most of us can. Everytime I have tried to do it I have failed miserably. Read the book if you haven't already (I think you can download it for free still), get the supplements (L-glutamine and Kudzu and Gaba ) the prescriptions are Topamax or Campral (Topa is for moderation normally and Campral is for abstinence).

If you have detox issues that are beyond supplements you'll need to see a doc that can help you out but if you went 15 days I think you don't need that. You can get melatonin, Calms Forte, even benadryl can help you sleep to get you through! Also 5HTP is very calming during the day if you are having troubles. I know I have mentioned a lot of stuff but it is all cheaper than booze in the long run! There are also nice calming teas that have valerian root that can keep you calm. Good luck and private message me if you want to! Hope, we are all here for you.:h

[me145]

Screwed Up

Hey hopeforhealth. I suffer from the same problem as you. i havent gone fifteen days yet. a week ive gone, but it pretty much just went back to the way it was. but that has always been my whole bigggest problem-is stopping when ive had enough. i think if i dont abstain, i will live like i do now. with a constant struggle of upds and downs with the drinking. like i wont be to bad for a few weeks, then ill have that bad bad mess up on one friday night. its mostly the weekends that hurt me. it sux. i see the other people on this board who can, and my bf who drinks everyday can, and all i thought about it today of how much it sux that there are those of us who probably cant. but the fact that you went as long as you did af, says a lot. if you think maybe you can, maybe you can. good luck, but just know that me and many others on this board are in the same boat. i dont take thes upplements, but are you taking them? because maybe u wouldnt have such a problem stopping that night if you were taking them? good luck! u are not alone

[MyOwnWoman]

Screwed Up

That's right - as the others say, we all can relate.
I'm still trying to stop kidding myself. I cannot moderate. Plain and simple.
I try now and then to think of my problem with alcohol as an allergy. Like shellfish is to some. The immediacy of the allergy is not the same, but the deadliness is.
I say to myself, "I am allergic to alcohol. It destroys my mental, spiritual and physical health. And I therefore must avoid it."
Doesn't/hasn't worked quite as successfully as I would like so far, but I know that it is changing my mindset slowly but surely. And changing the mindset is key.

Thinking of alcohol indulgence as an allergic reaction also helps to alleviate the judgement we place (based on societal views) on our problem.

If I were deathly allergic to shellfish I would never eat clams. But then, clams don't sing inside my head calling out for me, promising me better brighter joys...

We must change our mindset!! Remember that immenent or eventual death caused by indulgence is as real as immediate death caused by indulgence. In either case, we end up dead before our time.

[idbiscuit]

Screwed Up

New and Relating

As I read tonight what you are all saying...I am coming to the conclusion that moderation is pretty tough. I have not had anything to drink tonight...(drank enough last night to see me through) felt horrible all day today. Totally unproductive. Ate all day long, I guess to soak up the alcohol.
I think about never having a drink again and that thought terrifies me. I love the way I feel when I get to that comfortable zone....but have never figured out how to maintain that level. I always keep going. A bottle of wine a night is very very common. Last week, I came through the door from the garage and without putting my computer etc. down, I grabbed a bottle of wine, took it in to our office with me as I put up my things and then took it straight into the kitchen to pop the top. I probably carried it around with me for almost 10 minutes while I made my way to the kitchen.
I feel so weak. I don't want to stop drinking. But know I need to do something. I think about drinking every day. On my way home from work I start planning my night which always includes alchohol.
Very very tired tonight....I realize I'm doing some rambling. I don't have the energy to do anything right now! Guess I"ll go to bed.

[Guest]

Screwed Up

Hi hope,
Don`t beat yourself up about it.
I think the simple truth here is that 15 AF days just isn`t a firm enough foundation upon which to attempt mods for most people. If mods is truly your ultimate goal, the programme recommends an initial 30 day AF period. However, the hard fact remains that if you repeatedly try and fail to moderate, then moderation isn`t for you.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[hopeforhealth]

Screwed Up

You are all so wonderful and comforting. I am so amazed by the number of people with this problem. I am so depressed about this today that I haven't gotten out of my bed and the tears are streaming down my face as i write. I coudn't believe how happy and proud I was last week. I felt strong mentally and physically. I took all of the supplements religiously. I just want to be normal - it is so frustrating. I am going to try to go AF for the 30 days and then try the moderation. I am terrified of taking the heavy duty prescription drugs and too embarrassed to ask my doctor. I do have a second home in FL that we visit often in the winter months and I may contact a doctor there. It feels in my head that after the second glass of wine - something switches over. I don't even think about the consequences of what I am doing. So I begin again today for my quest for health and peace of mind.

[Happier]

Screwed Up

hope,
I am so very, very sick of thinking about alcohol every day of my life. Last night before I worked out on my treadmill I just had to cry because I am sick of the obsession. We all want to be normal.....
I can't moderate either. Otherwise, I will go off the deep end and make a fool of myself too!. I can't just have one drink.
I honestly can't go AF for 30 days and then do mods myself. I would be welcoming the poison back into my life again that I worked so hard to get out.

Sounds like you're on the right track hope! Welcome to MYO xxoo

[Finding My Self]

Screwed Up

Hey, just a hug to you all from me - so much good being posted for you here. Early days are hard but worth it. ODAT. One day (one hour - OHAT!) at a time.

Just to say I'm sending good thoughts to you....hang in there.

Love
FMF xx