Am I being paranoid?

[Finding My Self]

I met up with the girl I share my studio with today.... I wanted to reopen for 6 weeks before Xmas to have a huge sale and try to sell as much of my 'stuck stock'as possible.

I ran a 'Paint Your Own Pottery' studio for 2 years until it went under 18 months ago. (They're all over the world and going great - but not down here (same old story!!!) All three of us in Corwnall have closed in the last 18 months.... The shame was that it went really, really well for the first year (made a profit in year one!!!) but suddenly stopped spring 2006. Well, Xmas 2005 was quiet compared to Xmas 2004 but so were many traders as the economy hit in. But in late Spring 2006 I had a horrible 5 page annonymous letter from someone purporting to know everything about me (and by heck they DID!!) and what I 'should' do..... get back with David (?) who would rescue me (?!), look after my torn ligament in my left leg (bit too precise that...?) with The Alexander Technique (my original training...?) and "consider my choice of having a large glass of red wine when a small glass would do...." (David's exact words to me....despite it being when I only had one of those a day still...! I don't feel bad about any drinking habits back then. Plus loads else about my kids and house etc....all frighteningly correct in fact. It finished with, "Beware the bees that buzz in Cornwall - words travels fast down here...." You see, his surname ends in 'bee'....a link to 'the bees'...?!?!

That was exactly when my business pretty well saw no more customers..... I closed the doors some months later and it really, really hit me hard. Not just financially - I had been SOOOOH proud of it. I set it up from scratch with my own money to a very high standard with loads of really happy customers.....that just stopped...?! (Hindsight has helped me confirm this - date on letter and accounts. At the time I refused to believe it was anything to do with the letter....but now?)

The thing is, when I was in there today with my pal Iwas OK but when she went I felt all scared and shaky again (out of the blue...) and really wanted a drink....I haven't felt like that for ages. I got the hell out and got a coffee in town. If I open for six weeks how will I 'cope' especially if I get no customers - maybe coz of the economy but what if this letter really shot my 'reputation' or whatever???? I've never been able to find out who sent it (all on pink classy notepaper in blue ink with a handwriting font. Sent to my home address (all correct) and from this, my local town..... Although I wasn't with him at the time (one of our many 'gaps' in our relatonship) David refused to ever talk about it or help me find out who sent it and, until now, I've sort of forgotten it but with this new idea of opening to sell off the huge amount stock I have left...... I'm really scared. ...and saddened... I keep putting it out of my mind (the letter) but daren't take the risk of 'falling over'. There's life and there's life!!!

But, I know I don't HAVE to open up again (it is my choice after all...) but I don't know how to shift the stock...no other studio seems to want it and it keeps me 'stuck' in bad memories. (I didn't even go in to the studio for about 6 months without feeling physically sick....) It was after that my drinking went a bit mad! Now, no booze but not much better at handling the place! Do I just smash ?2,000 of stock against the wall; un painted, un glazed earthenware isn't much use to anyone!!!

I'm still trying to work out whether it would be better not to open - it would be just too likely to 'take me back'..... It scared me today to feel all the old feelings come back even though I thought I'd 'got back on the horse'.....What if (THAT old cookie of course!!!) 'word has been spread' and no one comes?? I will lose even more and sit there all day for weeks doing nothing - dangerous. (My pal can't help out either as she's just taken on a job.)

Am I being wet?? I think this is why I havn't posted about my job even though some have kindly asked..... I knew something was ....I don't know, not right about something and 'didn't want to go there'....!

Thanks for letting me vent anyways! Crazy eh?!?! I'll sort it out but I think I must be careful....The Booze will not come back at me now!!!!! (124 days!!!)

Love FMF xx

[Phoenix74]

Am I being paranoid?

Hi FMF

I think opening the store/studio is exactly what you should do.
Heck I wish we were all over there to storm the place and "buy up all" as my father used to say.

Whoever the heck wrote that letter was down to David. The reason he didn't want to help was because he probably knew who had sent it and felt guilty for exposing you to that sort of vilification at the hands of a stranger to you. Forget about him and the person who sent it. I don't know how you can be civil to him like last week, 'graceful under fire' we should've called you.

Give them the two fingers open up, blast Cornwall radio with sale now on or something. Put an ad in the local. Stick flyers under people's windscreens, on the supermarket noticeboards. Encourage people to think ahead to Christmas for little gifts for home, and Kris Kindles at work etc.

I hate that you are in this position and doubting yourself. I am fully aware of the fact that I am a newbie, but I am just so mad reading your words about the situation that here i am sticking my beak in.

Open. Stay open. You are strong now. You can handle them all woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bloggy]

Am I being paranoid?

Ditto what Pheonix says-

Have you thought of setting up an online store? If you are running paint your own pottery classes, I am assuming you also paint it yourself

It is so easy and costs about 10 quid to set one up on ebay- the things you are describing are just what many people look for on ebay- collectables, hand made crafted goods.

I say have your sale anyway, that way whoever has done this will know you have not been beaten, but I think as a business idea, you could find selling online quite lucrative.

There are also a number of sites where you can list your hand crafted products- buyers go there specifically looking for hand made things.

Or team up with a charity? Do market stalls, car boots, a stand in a busy shop in the name of a local hospice, an animal shelter, The British Wine Growers Association, AlAnon (JOKE the last 2) and donate a portion of the sales to the good cause.

That way you've no real costs to start up again, just a folding table and some nice signs explaining about the good cause- if a certain location is not lucrative- well, you just don't go there again.

Some stores would charge you a small fee for your space but most won't because of the good cause. (I know this because my mum has done it in the Sussex area to collect money for our animal rescue fund)

:kaching:

[bootcampbarbie]

Am I being paranoid?

i think flipping david wrote that hideious stupid letter. i think i told you i found this book at the bookstore. i have to go get it. it has a great quote for the day. brb okay it's called. IF WOMEN RAN THE WORLD SH*T WOULD GET DONE. CELEBRATING ALL THE WONDERFUL, AMAZING, STUPENDOUS, INSPIRING, BUTTKICKING THINGS WOMEN DO. now, i'm going to go to page 31 darling and read to you. PAGE 31 If women ran the world.... women would always trust and value their own opinions, not just when other people are obviously wrong, inconsiderate, and stupid.

so, you are brilliant. put your head up. proud OPEN THOSE DOORS GIRLIE

[betty boop]

Am I being paranoid?

First of all, Phoenix stop apologising for being a 'newbie' you are a lovely person with excellent opinions ...... and you are no longer a newbie ........


FMF have the sale anyway ........ try to build up your confidence .....

Love ya, BB xx

[Finding My Self]

Am I being paranoid?

Thanks you'all............! Yea, you're right. I've always been really scared of failing so I guess that's why (a) it felt so bad to have to close my doos and (b) took the letter a bit to heart. Yea, why shoudn't I succeed?!?!? After all, my main perogative was to give customers a good time and run my studio to a high standard....nowt wrong in that and I can still be proud to do it again for a wee while...

Whoever wrote that - well, horrible! Yes, thanks BB - I need to build up my confidence and go for it - perhaps read my signature!!! Not my owrds but I like them - time to live them!!

Thanks all - sorry this posted half way through!!
FMF xx

[Finding My Self]

Am I being paranoid?

Phoenix - you're not a newbie, you're a person who posts wanderful stuff - and you write so well..... thank you for your words.

Marbella - likewise.... I'lll remember all your ideas; yes, I paint things a bit too...

Barbie - yes! Sounds a feisty book!

I do wish I knew who it was sent that though (not that I'm gonna dwell on it like I haven't really before) because I don't want to 'blame' the wrong person, even in my mind..... not good and the reason anonymous letters ore so horrible. Thety muck up the ether!!!

But I'll focus on the ether-sorting-out words of all you lovely lot here at MWO!!! That's good!

Love Me x

[slightlysuze]

Am I being paranoid?

FMF.... all great advice in this thread. Honestly, whoever could write a letter like that must have the smallest, miserablest life possible. How can they touch a magnificent, amazing, strong woman like Ms Feet?? 124 days AF????? Goddess!! :yougo:

Brush them off like dust off your shoes :h

[bootcampbarbie]

Am I being paranoid?

oh and the asignment from the book is WHAT ARE 3 BUTTKICKING THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TODAY. love this book. lol

[Determinatrix]

Am I being paranoid?

FMF - feed what you want to grow. Finding out who wrote the letter just means that you will have to deal with that person and feed more energy to an issue that should just fade away. Be Happy, and DO what makes you Happy.
Dx

[Phoenix74]

Am I being paranoid?

AH Betty and FMF
That's sooooooooooooooo sweet of you :upset:

Thank you both :h

This tale of yours reminds me of (oops sharing, control yourself woman) a Christmas card my mother got a few years back.
Inside was a Mass Card. RIP.
The sender referred to her drinking in it. And to her life yet to lead, in a very negative way. I was ABSOLUTELY NOT A DRINKER OF ANY DESCRIPTION at the time.

Am very sad now just remembering it all.

[Finding My Self]

Am I being paranoid?

Creepy! You mean your Mum got a card about you....? Ugh - how horrible for you both.

Not surprised you feel sad... Some funny folk about!

FMF x

[bootcampbarbie]

Am I being paranoid?

As det says; FEED WHAT YOU WANT TO GROW. TO HECK WITH THE LETTER. BURN THE LETTER. WHO CARES. small minded ninny. back to the book. let me open another page okay AF days 124 FMF. here's what page 21 says. If women ran the world........ women would know that whatever we can do in any given moment is ENOUGH. as a result, guilt, beating ourselves up and the phrase: I SHOULD would simply cease to exist.
yes phoenix you stopped being new 5 minutes after you got here. lol yo are an amazing contribution. bootsie

[bootcampbarbie]

Am I being paranoid?

small minded ninnnies write small minded letters.

[Phoenix74]

Am I being paranoid?

It's something I've never discussed with anyone 'til now.
My ma is a problem drinker, too. Was.
She found her way with AA.
She's a nurse, for over 40 yrs. Specialises in psychiatry.

She got a card in the post. It was at Christmas time. A Mass Card. RIP and so on.
Until tonight I hadn't thought of it in months.
I attacked a woman who came to our door two of three yrs after that, because I thought she had sent it. The person who had signed it referred to herself (as the signatory) in a way I had heard my ma refer to this woman, in the past, so I presumed it was indeed she that had sent it.

My ma has been sober for a good few yrs. I however, am very marked by the yrs I spent with her when she was drinking. No excuses though. I love my mother. She is one hell of a woman. She is stronger than all the women I know, put together. She has a heart condition. My gran, her mam, is slowly dying at this moment in time. My gran is 91. My mam is 64. She is my inspiration even though we fight like cat and dog.
We have been called to the hospital on 3 occasions in the past 2 weeks, my mam is working 9 and 12 hour days and still going to see my gran whenever she is off. I cry at the thought of the person who sent her that card years ago, even though at the time I was bringing her to the loo, seeing to her, lifting her off the floor, desperately trying to wake her, at that time. Look at her now. And her failed daughter who followed quietly, secretly, in her footsteps. Her heart would break if she knew.