slips.. moderation.. abstinence

[Guest]

Being someone who has stayed around this board for a while a few things strike me......

I think it takes a particular place in life to find a board such as this.. so we are all 'wierd' to start off with. A motley crew is not such a bad thing, I suppose and its a difficult thing we are trying to deal with...

People start off from a place of desperation which when you are over that is hard to keep revisiting.. because you 'know' the pain.. but you also know that there is nothing that anyone on the board can do for someone else.. its them who has to make the change. Some of the agonies are awful to read through.

At that time, people then seek out.. topa/campral issues.. meds or no meds.. moderation or abstinence. The big issue that hits them at that time is HOPE... its also powerful and a gift that this board offers.

Then there are many that often slip and struggle trying to hold onto that hope.. and those that are nearby put out the helping hands.. helping themselves as they help others... trying to hold onto the determination that will get them through.

I went through a few of the moderation posts in kathys moderation bit.. I have to say you people are nuts!!! It sounds like SUCH hard work.. if you get there, there is no doubt that I;ll be jealous but I dont think I could go through that agony... (and believe me, I've chosen my own agony to go through.. so I'm only comparing agonies!!).. so good luck to you.

Then I see Janet (and others that I knew) who left the board because its more complex to support absintence on a board that is trying to find avenues to moderation.

However, I find that I am supporting my abstinence by watching the pain of attempts to moderation.. because it puts me off... it doesnt entice me to join. While I dont 'enjoy' reading the struggles (I wish everyone could get what they want).. it sure reinforces my abstinence.

One thing that worries me about my continued participation in the board is the issue of enabling.

I"d like us all to think long and hard before we reply to posts about drinking and driving or talking about awful things that we do or did and before we hit 'add post' just think if there is any part of your post that sends a message of trying to make it ok.. when we all know those things are not ok.. and the people posting about it also know that its not ok..

I dont want to discourage people from sharing as the act of sharing their story about an issue is the greatest help they can give themselves and our message should be that we 'hear'.. and leave it at that... so that our emphasis is on sharing the things that we do to support our sobriety.

and here endeth the opinion.........
Brigid

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

There is a pretty fine line between being supportive and enabling. Definitely something to think about when responding and/or posting.

Thanks!

Marcie

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Hi..... The change does come from within.All anyone on board can do is give their experiences,and how they delt with it. You hope you can take from it what you need to help your self.Meds or no meds.Willpower or hope. Moderation is not for everone cause they can't do it. Totall abstanance may be the only thing. I have not done the Topa so I can't say about moderation except what I experienced with out and i'ts hit or miss.. For the most part you drink one you drink ten!But alot of people here swear buy it. I'ts one point you take. But for most drunks abstinence is the only way. We are all different with varried degrees of our alliment. Take your path. I though ,enjoy reading the struggles 'cause it reinforces my thinking to what I want to do by compairson of my trials to yours. I don't think anyone is for drinking and driving.But,to post embearrising things you did drunk..... Well i'ts very entertaining to me... And I can say- "YOU DID THAT'' ? to me I did too!What an ass. You too? Mabey this is not a good hobby or way of life. Practice makes better so practice yo all ...... Musicz....

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

I wholeheartedly agree!

I always try to think long and hard before posting. I always ask myself "Is this healthy for the board?" I have even refrained from voicing my own concerns at times for fear someone could project my problem on themselves.

I get frustrated too when I see repeated attempts at moderation, whether too soon, without having abstained first or without fully doing the program and the person has slipped again.

I feel for the struggles and the extreme desire to have a healthy relationship with alcohol, but I just can't tell someone "Awe, don't worry about it, it is ok, you can try again later." I want to adamantly say "Do the program, all of the aspects of it and then try for moderation."

If the program isn't working, I think you have to ask yourself before you pose a question to the board. "Am I working the program?" If you are and still having trouble, then bring it on!

Just please, if you aren't working the program or can't work an aspect of the program, let's talk about fixing this and then see where we are.

-Nina

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Thank you all. I do agree, I like the fact if I slip up someone with caring and honesty can tell me where I am going wrong! We didn't sign up for an enabling course............. but a website which allows us to be honest and then get feedback to the right course, all with I might add a feeling that all replys are done with all our best interests in mind.
Nina,
you do have the best interests of the board but sometimes when I am posting it really is a me me me thing I am just off loading and most of the time by the time I read the replys I have already worked it out in my head, well sometimes: anyway. you old timers have given the new ones something to think about>D but nothing that abit of old-fashioned work and determination can't fix!
Love Shas
PS sometimes the next day when I read what I have written I do say ouch:rolleyes

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

I think if someone slips and has the courage/guts to come back to the boards & fess up, more power to em. I don't know too many people with drinking problems, or problems dealing with life in general...who get it right the first time.
Otherwise, I don't think these boards would exsist. I see no problem with having a bit of empathy, and encouraging someone to "jump back on that Horse", if that's considered "enabling"... Then by all means. I'll wear the SHIRT PROUDLY!
I prefer to think of it as encouraging though. I think when we come here, a lot of us, (at least, I know I was), very much in need of support, and very grateful to have found it.

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

don't listen to the musicz guy he's a troublemaker

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

I agree we have to be supportive, but supportive of the right things. When we are first getting started and we slip, it is understandable. It is also understandable when someone is doing the program and having issues because of problems with the meds or hypno etc.... Then you work through the specific issues and keep tweaking the program to make it work.

But, when we have been with MWO for a while, are not doing the program and are discouraged about slipping, I just don't know what to say to this.

I just can't encourage someone to keep slipping if they are unwilling to do the program.

I know my slips come when I slack on the program and most times I don't even post because I don't want my slip to be encouraged or to have the newbies think "She has been here for a while and still slipping-does this program work?" It does take courage to post a slip, but at the same time, It takes courage to face a slip and insist that you are going to do everything possible for it not to happen again.

We are all in this struggle together. I want to help as many people as I can, but I can only do that in good conscience if someone is putting forth the effort to help themselves first.

-Nina

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

what a riot

why do you think the most used phrase around here is 'don't beat yourself up' lol. bet their kids wish they had beat themselves up just a little bit. these people are still doing what drunks do best--enabling each other. saying those five words they say better than anyone in the whole world 'next time will be different.' if they spent one tenth as much time dealing with their problem as they do counting their drinks for the week, the night, the weekend, the month, is this a drinking day, a non-drinking day, telling each other get back on the horse blah blah blah, they'd be a hell of a lot better off. just look at the names from a year ago - anyone who 'got it' is long gone.

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

What is this all about anyway...

Hi all,

I have been away for a week for my Grandpa's funeral and this is what I come back to! Oh my Goodness! I for one will defend Moderation. It works for me. I am sorry if others do not approve. When we say "drinking days/non drinking days" we are just talking and telling about our days, just like they do in the Ab's event area. I am sorry if it affends anyone but it doesn't concern anyone except the ones doing the event. So, if you don't like it , don't read it!

If moderation doesn't work for you, that is fine but then don't judge us please!

That is all,
~Tammie

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: What is this all about anyway...

Gee Sahara, obviously this is not the site for you, so please don't condemn those of us that are working towards a solution. For me, cutting back is one hell of a good start and I am glad to hear I am not alone in my struggle which is why I am here.

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: What is this all about anyway...

Thank you, Tammie.
I've been too scared to post down here...posted in my own corner of the world where I feel safe and cuddly warm...
Becca

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: What is this all about anyway...

If moderation is working for you that is wonderful. I too hope to be in your shoes. You have or are still working the program, Right? You are a success story and an example to be followed.

My issues are with those who try and moderate and have not done/not doing the program and slip and then ask us to figure out why.


-Nina

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: What is this all about anyway...

Nina, with all due respect, working the program is not a cure-all for all people and so coming to this board to perhaps get insight from others who have been there or are going through it is what I thought this whole area was about. Just because we are working the program to a T does not mean that some of us might still have cravings, not know how to deal with them, etc. I, for one, want to feel as if I can ask for help/support if I am still struggling even if I am doing everything in the program. Am I alone in this thinking???

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: What is this all about anyway...

When I had my big downfall the past couple months I wasn't really doing any of the program. I thought in the beginning of the year my health issue would prevent me from drinking. Because of that I stopped taking any supps and listening to the CD's, that worked for a few weeks, but then I went back to what I had been doing before, drinking to excess most nights. Once I pulled myself out of the hole I dug for myself, and really started focusing on the program again, I started doing much better.

This week was the first time I took all supps as scheduled. I've been listening to the CD's, not as much as I should be, but more than before. I also am even trying to fit some exercise in(when I can tear myself away from the computer:lol )

I understand where you are coming from Nina, if someone is not willing or not trying the program and they can't abstain or moderate, then there isn't much you can say. This program will work if you put your heart and mind into it. I learned that the hard way. I hope that I am at the beginning of my journey to long term abstinence. I can't afford to have another 'big' slip.

I'm happy for those that can moderate. They are learning to keep track of the drinking days and how much they drink. I think that is a huge accomplishment. I think moderation is a great alternative, that is what brought me to this program in the beginning. I'm not ruling out moderation for myself in a year or so, but right now I have to focus on abstinence.



Marcie