slips.. moderation.. abstinence

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Let it go!!!

Amen!!!! Everyone seems to be wanting to get the last word in. Let it go or this could erupt into something not pretty........everybody accept each other for the path we are on, flaws and all..................

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Learning..

Sometimes things are learned through threads like these. If we don't question certain people's path..how will we learn and get well?

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: Learning.. Tolerance?

Ok, I've been away for a while.. and in the meantime there's been some feathers seriously ruffled here.. I can't be sure I've got the entire picture, but I think this thread pretty much sums up the main contentions. Yes, I feel strongly.
So.. my comment is this: (major apologies for length)

Enabling. If that is really what you think we are doing, then I must be one GIANT enabler. However, please consider...
I am coming from a place where I recognise that criticism, shame, failure & disgrace are all triggers for me to drink. It is a form of self-harm which started way back for me from having that type of garbage directed at me constantly from childhood.

Has anyone ever considered that bagging another person is a kind of abuse? Well those of us who have suffered abuse and lived through it, used drink to cope, are more likely to fail when subjected to more of it. If I am an enabler, then perhaps it is because I'm recognising some kind of similarity to my own pain.. and I'm trying to encourage the other person not to give up.. but to keep on trying. In the beginning, many find it hard to believe that they will ever succeed!
Hey!! If I'm keeping one single person away from suicide, that's one hell of an important thing. Mea Culpa!!

There are MANY people on this site who developed problem drinking for MANY different reasons and there is NO single solution. We are all here to find our own way out and this requires us to respect each other and learn from each other.
So I ask that we all, as Judie, Kathy, Brian and many others have suggested, choose what we read carefully and take responsibility for our own emotional reactions. Ironically, we can even use that fallout to learn more about ourselves.

I myself have had some major life changes going on and have had to take a break from the program, partially because I did not want to talk about my lapses and bring anyone down, but also because I did not feel I could give adequate attention to my replies. I take these boards very seriously and care very much how what I say is taken. I am very aware of how delicate everyones feelings are during this process and would never want to risk hurting anyone in so vulnerable a state!!

The other end of the stick is that I don't want to read about someone elses pain sometimes when I'm too vulnerable. So I don't! My judgement! My feelings.

If you are part of this community for more than a week you will start to find out who you 'click' with and who you don't. So my suggestion is to just chill if you don't relate to another person's catastrophe. There are plenty of us who can relate, in a helpful way, so no need for negative comments.

As I said, I've no idea who's been arguing with whom? So I hope I haven't offended anyone. :

And by the way, if anyone's looking for enabling, they'll find it all over the place in every billboard, magazine, pub, club, movie & tv show. They seriously aren't here at MWO looking for it!! So I hope we can lay the 'ENABLING' thing to rest and see it for what it really is, which is empathy, compassion and reaching-out to each other in a really HEALTHY way!

Many people finding this site have been completely isolated for ages, including me. I can't say enough how grateful I am to RJ for creating this place for us.. where part of the joy is that NOTHING is too bad to talk about.

Lots of love to you all, and I hope this site is big enough for everyone!!
MFM

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: Learning.. Tolerance?

dear mfm.

i have just read your post.. twice! and.. i agree with every word you have said. i don't have as many wise words to say as yourself but i do agree that everybody has found themselves with a drinking problem for many many different reasons.

i myself had a horrible childhood with an abusive stepfather who changed me, scratch that...he ruined me..and i do drink to help myself with the remnants that have been left behind by this abuse. anyways enough of all that cr*p. i agree that we should not be judgemental about each other but as you say we should find our own way out and respect each others circumstances.

we are not here to judge other people... I.. am not here to judge other people. i can relate to so many of you and that is what helps me on this forum, the ups the downs, it all keeps me going because i know i am not alone, i'm waffling again! sorry!

the one thing that surprised me when i first found this site was the support that everybody gave each other, so lets carry on eh!

best wishes to everybody,

lee

[Guest]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Re: Interesting thread

Marcie;

I agree. I thought this was all about support of each other. If the support that we give to each other, now for whatever reason has to be defined by a dictionary or other wise, what is the point. I have never done the program, but the support of the people that have gotten to know me, support the road that I have chosen. When I have had my issues with drinking, the people that have gotten to know me have never spoke the words "You're not doing the program so what do you expect"..

Brandy

[keke]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Whoa, This got some emotions churning. I agree and disagree. Most of us need encouragement and some of us need tough love. I need both. Right now the encouragement is coming from these posts and the tough love from within. I may need the tough love from you in the future. Yes, we need to work the whole program. Yes, we probably enable sometimes. Whatever it takes. If I thought that reading or hearing about other peoples misery were to help me, I'd be in AA. Hugs to both abstainers and moderators. KEKE

[1967]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

"However, I find that I am supporting my abstinence by watching the pain of attempts to moderation.. because it puts me off... it doesnt entice me to join. While I dont 'enjoy' reading the struggles (I wish everyone could get what they want).. it sure reinforces my abstinence."

me too! and i'm grateful for it.

[A Work in Progress]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Since there have been a couple of very active threads recently about moderation, what it is, and is it possible, and for whom.... I thought I'd bump this older thread that reflects the State of the Discussion, as of a couple of years ago... you'll notice a lot of names you have never seen before... and some good, thoughtful posts.

wip

[CS04]

slips.. moderation.. abstinence

Strolling down Memory Lane with those old names and posts. I remember those quite well!