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    Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

    Hi All,

    I have ended up being politcally incorrect for much of my life, not so much by choice really but perhaps by the way the stars are alined you could say.

    I come from a long line of Irish Catholics. At 16 I met and fell in love with my future husband , a man who comes from a long line of English Protestants. I am the middle of 9, he is the middle of 3. We are mostly Democrats, they are mostly Republicans. We have lots of babies, they have lots of money. He is a stubburn, "prove to me HE exist" atheist. I am a stubburn "Open your eyes man and look around you, how can you not believe?" practicing Catholic.

    I introduce myself to you all in this way to show you that I am a woman of conviction. I have my own beliefs yes, but for the last 26 years have been happily in a relationship that share two very conflicting belief systems on many differnent grounds. So with that said, I would like to share with you these thoughts:

    The MWO program was set up to catter to two groups of people. Those who want to moderate and those who want to abstain. I think it is fair to say that what draws most people here is the hope of moderation. In the book, the hypno section, there is even two sets of scripts, one for moderation and one for abs. Once into the program people often choose one path or the other. This is a PERSONAL choice, and one I don't think is meant to be judged one way or the other.

    This site I believe, was set up to be a support system for both groups of people. I further believe it has grown boyond the wildest dreams of those who first created it. It now even has a seperate section for abs and for moderation. I do not believe this was intended to divide the unity of this forum, but to further the growth of the people who are here and the goals they are striving for.

    As far as the program itself is concerned, I could be a flipping infomercial for it! I don't think it is any secret to anyone here how bad of shape I was in when I first arrived. I have read many stories from many people since I came here. Some worse off than me, some not. My problem started a little over two years ago, and I fell fast, and I fell hard! Kinda of like a boulder being dropped from the top of a mountain that shatters into a million pieces when it hits bottom. Others, it has taken years of drinking to hit bottom. Every story is different, therefore every solution will be different as well.

    Some of us need to work the program from start to finish, that is all there is to it! That is the reality. Others don't. That is the reality as well. Some can start taking topa and cut their drinking by upto 80% and that is their goal. I say BRAVO! Moderation Ally for them. Others Take the topa, do the cds, take the supps, do the exercise, and then come here and say, "What happened, I fell, I drank, I did everything you told me to, and what happened"? I say "Listen, it happens, lets look at what else is going on with you".

    Still others come here and say, I fell I drank, whats wrong with me? I say, "Well, have you done any of the program", supps, meds, etc....Much of the time the answer is no. So I say, "Lets give it a try before you say whats wrong with me"

    I have said more than once on the abs board and other places as well that this is not just about sharing the good, because lets face it there is not a whole of good about this whole darn mess that we are all in. It is about sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly, but we all need to be trying to get better here because in the end that is EVERYONES goal.

    I don't think we want to stop helping people when they come here and say "listen I am in a bad way". There all all kinds of reasons that people fall! Some however are are pretty easily fixed, like having booze in the house especially if you live alone. If you are serious about this GET RID OF THE BOOZE!....that would be a simple one.

    Others, not so simple. People die, depression, spousal abuse, the list goes on. We don't want to turn our backs on people in
    need of help like that. What if they come here and say help, and simply can't talk about it.....

    Geez I don't know, I just would really hate to see this board divide into a battle of wills! It has helped me through one of the most difficult times in my life, and I am not done giving that help back yet!

    I am sorry for the length of this post, and as Tawny said, discretion is a wonderful thing when adding a post, and replying to one. I hope I have used discretion in adding this post, and I hope you use discretion in replying or not!

    Donna

    I need to add a footnote here. At the end of the day, when you look in the mirror, and it is just you and yourself, there is no lieing. You know the truth! You know what you have to do, and no amount of coming to this board is going to fix your problem. You know if you can moderate, you know if you have to do the program, or you know if you can, as RJ calls it, tweak the program. Please, be honest with yourselves, it really is worth the trouble, and you really are worth the effort!!

    #2
    Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

    Donna,

    I wish there was an "applause" smiley. Consider yourself applauded.

    Tawny

    Comment


      #3
      Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

      Donna.
      I agree with everything you have said, and I don't want to see the groups divided or for anyone to feel alienated either because of what they choose (abs or mod) or because of the things they have done. We are all here fundamentally for the same reason and have taken different paths to get here. But we all must be alike in some way because we all somehow found this site, and I must say that everyone on here is articulate and extremely honest. There are no dummies here, just a whole lotta people with the same problem. And again, I want to commend you. You are like the straw that stirs the drink (forgive the pun!) because you motivate everyone by these threads. I always look forward to what you have to say and feel your warmth and compassion for all of us. You are much stronger than you even realize and have a lot of impact, on me anyway. Thank you, Patty on day 9! :rollin

      Comment


        #4
        Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

        Thanks for that post Donna. After what has been circulating around today I was starting to feel that perhaps this is not the place for me to be if I cannot reach out with my struggling. With people on here like you then I know I can stay!!!

        Comment


          #5
          Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

          I hope my post on the other thread was not taken the wrong way. Everyone is here to support each other and I said there was a fine line between enabling and support. I think we are all supporting each other, through struggles and successes. Sorry if it was taken the wrong way!

          Marcie

          Comment


            #6
            Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

            I have to admit what attracted me to MWO was the belief that I could get myself cleaned up, take control of my life and still have two drinks a day. After detoxing myself for 5 days and abstaining for another seven, I felt so damn good I didn't want to drink anymore, also staying off the liver transplant list sort of became a priority.

            I read the boards daily for support I certainly dont see the division between moderators and abstainers. I think it seems the abstainers are more successful and generally happier than the moderators. The moderation goals seem to change more than the abstainers goal which is simply to use the book, the supps, the support boards and the CD's to not drink. Some period of abs has to be part of a successful moderation plan.

            Where's all of this division stuff !!

            Dug

            Comment


              #7
              Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

              PC

              Thank you, Donna. That was extremely well said.

              Comment


                #8
                Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                Re: PC

                Thanks Donna,
                I too after reading the other thread started to wonder if this was the place for me. I don't want to be enabled but I also want to be able to be honest. I know with me abstaining it makes my emotions at the moment all over the place. You can feel one thing one minute and have a huge whinge, then read the post the next day and think OMG what was I thinking
                I for one will only read the positive stuff, take on board what I need and ignore the rest.
                Thanks so much for this thread.
                Shas

                Comment


                  #9
                  Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                  Re: PC

                  Thanks Donna! Amen to all of that... Hugs, Judie

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                    To Marcie!

                    Hey Marcie,

                    You didn't say the wrong thing. There IS a fine line between enabling and support, it really made me wonder if I don't enable sometimes when I think I am being supportive, and that is a very good question! I also think that we alcoholics/problem drinkers are already filled with shame. Adding to it doesn't help. How can we support the alcholic without supporting the action? It sure is a hard question!

                    Love,
                    Kathy

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                      Re: To Marcie!

                      I agree with Marcie too about the fine line, especially on a board like this where there's no chance of carrying anyone out of the living room. But from what I've seen, the level of support has been very high. And enabling...? well I haven't heard anyone give the OK to anyone else to behave irresponsibly. And we do tend to beat ourselves up, so we know that it won't help others to pass out more beatings.

                      I love the huge amount of empathy that I see & feel here, and I don't think anyone really has a desire to divide or harm. I think saying some things are riskier than saying other things, but meant in good faith to help the group and each of us nonetheless. Sometimes it helps me to go to a neutral place, and then try to see where someone is coming from. Becaise even if I begin to take something personally, I try to remember that people most often talk about themselves, not you or me.

                      And Kathy, are you kidding? You are great at negotiating that fine line. You DO support the person without supporting their negative or self-defeating actions. Your posts are accurate, helpful, warm, and ALWAYS pointing us and yourself in the right direction. The opposite of enabling...De-enabling! OK!? My new psychobabble word - run tell Backpacker!

                      Lots of love
                      Deirdre

                      PS: Donna, love your post, you are so right!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                        Re: To Marcie!

                        Yup

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                          Re: To Marcie!

                          Dang Donna! Did you have to write a book? LOL

                          Thanks for your post!

                          -Nina

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                            Re: To Marcie!

                            Beautiful Post Donna!
                            And also yours Dierdre..
                            Love
                            MFM

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Politically Incorrect---Perhaps

                              I couldn't sleep last night so I was readig old posts and threads.

                              My God it's like The Library Of Congress out There !

                              Anyway, I thought this was such an interesting Post and seeming written long long ago in a galaxy far far away...

                              Does anyone know if 'Donna' is still around?

                              Hugs to all
                              :l
                              On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
                              *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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