Just dropping in half way through the holiday...and updating on my experiment at moderating.
Well, I have learned several things. I don't think moderating is going to work for me..at least, not the sort of moderating I thought I'd like! I know for sure that I must not drink at home, or in any non-social situation (hotel room etc) because I just keep drinking, pouring out another 'little one'. One lunch time we ate in a pub and I just had one glass of beer....that was ok, but as it had no effect it was a waste of time! If I drink I like to get a hit from it
So after my 40 days AF...my last seven days of moderating has been a real let-down. I haven't got riproaring p'd....just steadily glugging each night, with the usual side-effects - headaches, racing heart, sleep disturbance and general agitation. It stinks. I liked myself and my life much more when I was AF
Second part of the holiday starts on Monday.....I don't know how I will cope with it. With friends who really like to drink and lots of social stuff. If I was still on that 40 days AF I think I would still be in that calm state I achieved and I would be able to breeze through it. But I've gone through all the usual rubbish of 'no point in going AF for a few days when you know you won't manage it next week'. It's stupid I know...and I feel really stupid. I'm not even looking forward to it but I know I will drink next week - my hope is to keep it as under control as I can and keep looking forward to the following week when I can get back home to MWO:h
When I get back please may I sneak in under the wing of the Abs thread folk and start again? I know the beginning week or two will be hard like last time...but I do now have the experience to know that it gets better and that I will feel better and that it is what I really want.
A very chastened Suze XX
Gonna cheer myself up now by browsing around here while I have some time....and I've got a molasses smoothie in my hand. Just like the lovely AF days.......
Well, I have learned several things. I don't think moderating is going to work for me..at least, not the sort of moderating I thought I'd like! I know for sure that I must not drink at home, or in any non-social situation (hotel room etc) because I just keep drinking, pouring out another 'little one'. One lunch time we ate in a pub and I just had one glass of beer....that was ok, but as it had no effect it was a waste of time! If I drink I like to get a hit from it
So after my 40 days AF...my last seven days of moderating has been a real let-down. I haven't got riproaring p'd....just steadily glugging each night, with the usual side-effects - headaches, racing heart, sleep disturbance and general agitation. It stinks. I liked myself and my life much more when I was AF
Second part of the holiday starts on Monday.....I don't know how I will cope with it. With friends who really like to drink and lots of social stuff. If I was still on that 40 days AF I think I would still be in that calm state I achieved and I would be able to breeze through it. But I've gone through all the usual rubbish of 'no point in going AF for a few days when you know you won't manage it next week'. It's stupid I know...and I feel really stupid. I'm not even looking forward to it but I know I will drink next week - my hope is to keep it as under control as I can and keep looking forward to the following week when I can get back home to MWO:h
When I get back please may I sneak in under the wing of the Abs thread folk and start again? I know the beginning week or two will be hard like last time...but I do now have the experience to know that it gets better and that I will feel better and that it is what I really want.
A very chastened Suze XX
Gonna cheer myself up now by browsing around here while I have some time....and I've got a molasses smoothie in my hand. Just like the lovely AF days.......
c: :heart:
zwink:
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