Suicide?

[memarcie]

Suicide?

Hugs to you beatle. I wish that tomorrow will be a brighter day for you. Maybe you can google and look for some books on meditating or spiritualness. Take care and I hope you can rest well tonight.

I'm glad you are still here with us.

[Chief]

Suicide?

Thank You Beatle. Hope you have a good nights sleep. Check in with us tomorrow.
Don

[nancy]

Suicide?

Hi Beatle

You are probably asleep by now.

Everyone gave you such great advice. The kids would be much worse off without you. And no doubt your thoughts are partly fuelled by booze.

I guess you need to accept yourself as you are, with this problem as bad as it is. Right now, you don't know if you can get over it, even though you see, as we all do, that lots of people do get well despite gloomy outlooks initially. Failed attempts are part of the problem.

I wonder what is up with your husband, outside of the usual frustration spouses must go through. He said he was sick of the games? Does that mean you seemed confident you could give it up but haven't? So he keeps getting let down? If that's the case, maybe you need to have a frank conversation with him about what you are actually going through, that you are trying but have doubts you can achieve this.

I hope you start posting more like you used to. I think people here will be more understanding of the self-destructive behavior. Family members find it difficult to bear and sometimes react with anger and disgust. Maybe they think that will force sobriety but of course we know that doesn't work.

Take care of yourself Beatle. You have a problem but you still have a lot of worth. Don't ever forget that.

[Trillby]

Suicide?

Hi Beatle

As with BabyGirl, I am new here too. Both of my parents were alcoholics (of which I am now one) and when I was 12 my mum hanged herself on our back patio. I helped my dad cut her down because he was too drunk.

The memories of that night will remain with me forever... I have often thought of suicide but the impact it has had on me throughout my life, I would never wish this on any child, let alone my own.

This is by no was a message of critizism but mearly an insight into living the aftermath of a parent suiciding.

I hope you are feeling better today and like all who have expressed their concerns and care before me, take care and be kind to yourself.

Luv
Trillby

[Flip]

Suicide?

Good morning Beatle, I hope you are feeling better. I'm sorry I wasn't here to talk to you when you needed comforting.

[Finding My Self]

Suicide?

Dear Beatle - it's morning time...are you ok? Did you sleep ok?

(Trillby - I went cold all over..... my mum only left a few suicied notes, they've stuck with me all my life....but you...........................:l )

Beatle - this place is God's gift; we're all here to help and suport you. (If you like, He gets a bit busy as, despite being everywhere, he can't actually type a zillion messages to a zillion people all at once so he has helpers - us for each other! He's 'coming through' through us all.)

(Sorry if that seems trite - just trying raise a small smile! )

Love to you
FMF xx

[Cinders]

Suicide?

Beatle,

Please post when you get a chance so we all know you are okay.

I hope the husband situation gets better for you. I do think you need to be completely honest that you are truly struggling with this and see if he has any ideas to help you with this.

Give your beautiful children lots of hugs today and let that love help heal you, too.

Take care and let us know.

Cindi

[Guest]

Suicide?

Great to "see" you this morning, beatle.......hope you`re feeling better.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[maxman]

Suicide?

beatle have had those feelings, for a few years, nearly every time I would get in the car I would think about driving into every big tree, truck and bus that I saw, thankfully for me it was just a thought that would pop into my head and I never felt strongly enough to act on them. This happened before and after I had kids, on and off for years. I had no idea why I would think these thoughts.during this time I lost my brother and a few friends. After a lot of councelling for depression and a a year or so on anti depressants I have not had these thoughts for a long time. I have been off the anti depressants for about 6 months and I am doing fine now. you can too.

we are here for you

Maxman

[Beaches]

Suicide?

Good morning Beatle, just wanted to say hello before I went and started my day of work. I hope today looks better.

[beatle]

Suicide?

Hello everyone. I just read through all the posts here again (of course I had forgotten most of them) and feel overwhelmed and extremely fortunate to have found you people. Your advice, your caring and your sharing are so incredible, I can't find a way to express my thoughts. I got a few PM offers to call individuals, and I called one of them, and talked for hours, which helped. It kept me from drinking more and took my mind off all my problems. Thank you!

I would really like to respond to each and every one of you, I have so many reactions. But I can't do that, at least not now.

I will just mention that I have been depressed for years and have sought help. Antidepressents don't work for me (I've tried them all). Really, alcohol is the only thing that helps me, but that is true only in small quantities, something that I seem incapable of doing. I have never found a therapist that could help me much, though I do see one regularly. I have significant "issues" but they are not really the kind that can be "solved". I've explored the "spiritual" side, but just haven't clicked with anything, although buddhist ideas make sense to me in many ways.

Even sober (or especially sober) I usually feel my family would be better off without me. However, I don't believe I would actually go through with suicide because of the stigma attached to that, and the shame it would bring in my family. Also, as you all have pointed out, I wouldn't want my children to bear the weight of it, feeling perhaps they had done something wrong. That would be too awful. I agree it would be ultimately a selfish act. I guess my feelings are more like I wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. This also is a very selfish thought, I realise, and I'm not proud of feeling that way but I do nonetheless.

I feel so tired out.

I've wasted years of my life struggling with this problem, and probably ruined my health anyway. Sometimes it amazes me that I'm still alive.

But yes, it is another day. I'm not drunk. I probably will drink, but hopefully not much. My goal is to be AF by the weekend. I am trying to think positively and all your posts are so uplifting (except of course hearing about the terrible suicides). I think I'll be rereading them again soon.

Thank you all.

[Finding My Self]

Suicide?

Beatle - that is a lovely post...thank YOU! What a lovely lady you are.

I am glad you are feeling a little better this morning and 'got' the support of last night - willingly and lovingly given and (you see!) willingly and lovingly received!! (Not to be underestimated as its really hard to receive when you're that down so you did brill!)

Depression - what a complete bummer...REAL depression...The BIG Black Dog.... the one that is the real flu to most people's version (a sniffly cold!) I do hope you can find a breakthrough somewhen soon. (And everyone here who suffers.)

Thanks for letting us all know you're ok Beatle...we're with you through the day, too...not going away!

Love and hug
FMF xx

[beatle]

Suicide?

The Dalai Lama wrote that depression is just a matter of attitude (I'm sure I rephrased it). I try to think about that every day. But sometimes it makes me even more depressed.

I read an article in the newspaper yesterday about International Mental Sickness Day or something (I'm translating, don't know what it is in English)-- the author snubbed mental illness as "The illness of the wealthy". I felt hurt (if only I were wealthy, lol)-- but I wonder about that. Does anyone have an opinion on this?

[lucky 2.0]

Suicide?

beatle,
just found this thread and glad you sound better today. in response to your question, i do think the fortunate are the ones who have time to think about their mental health and those in other countries with no food for their babies or trying to find shelter from war have little time to ponder their happiness factor. just my opinion, for what is worth. not trying to start anything here and i would agree their are chemical issues @ work in all of us that can lead to mental health or dis-ease. The more free time I have, the worse it is for me.

Exercise and diet are the keys to good mental and physical health.

Make it a good day beattle. We care.

[beatle]

Suicide?

Thanks those are interesting thoughts. I am sure there are chemical reasons for mental illness and I'm sure poor people have imbalances, too, but as you say, there are priorities and physical needs demand attention first.

There are, of course, many other reasons that our mental health suffers. I explained my situation to a psychologist, and she summed it up back at me (as they so love to do) and then basically said "you're f-cked". Ha ha, so much for therapy.