I came to M.W.O. in March, and here I am at October, and can truthfully say that I am no longer alcohol dependent. Back in March, I would never have believed this achievement possible.
It all began with a wish.........wishing I could become sober.........no joy there.
Then I came to understand that I had to really want sobriety........no joy there either, I`m afraid.
I finally cracked it when I accepted that it was going to take a whole lot more than merely wishing or wanting.
I began to hunger for sobriety.......covetted it........became greedy for it.........that greed has brought me success.
Looking back, I wasn`t the typical alcoholic we find at M.W.O..........I admire all those of you who can state that they are "functional alcoholics", because I was anything but........I was a complete and utter wreck.......most dysfunctional........between drinking bouts, all I could manage was to do the bare necessities to keep my head above the water and muddle through yet another tortuous day..........it was slippery slope stuff big-time..........I was sinking at an alarming rate until I realized that to survive the drink, I would have to learn to swim against a frenzied current. I chose to swim.........and so began my recovery.
I am almost 11 wks. sober........a young sobriety, yet I know beyond the slightest doubt that I will hold onto my sobriety for dear life. What possible reason could I have to wish a return to being the wretch I used to be?.........it`s almost like I`ve relocated within my own space..........I no longer muddle through.........I experience each new day with the heady excitement of a child........it has been so very long since I have been able to really live my life..........drink had caused my life to be a sufferance.
I consider becoming free of my dependence on alcohol to be the first and most crucial stage of my recovery. I now consider that I have entered Stage 2, which is the quest to become truly well in mind, body and spirit. I very much appreciate that I have a long way to go. I can also now admit that the drunk version of me really wasn`t a very nice person to know.........part of my personal journey is to become a more worthy person and I feel that I am already making great strides in that department. I am beginning to really like "me" again.........I lost her to drink a very long time ago.
I have stated truthfully that I am no longer alcohol dependent. I am also fully aware that I remain an alcoholic and that I always shall. However.........I am no longer afraid. I no longer have any great desire of wine. Please do not misunderstand me.........I readily admit that I could certainly enjoy a bottle of wine if I were to buy one for this evening. However, I will never buy any, because........I simply no longer need it. I feel safe now.......I have discovered an inner peace. The temptation no longer goads me........I know how far I have come and am thankful that there is no going back for me now. I know my sobriety is guaranteed, as long as I do not touch a drop. I am now comfortable and happy with sobriety.
I cannot say my journey has been at all easy........when the going got tough it took steely determination to stay the course.I have cried many tears of self-pity......... having finally turned the corner, the only tears I now shed are ones of joy as I celebrate my freedom, for which I thank God, RJ and each and every one of you.
All my love,
Starlight Impress x
It all began with a wish.........wishing I could become sober.........no joy there.
Then I came to understand that I had to really want sobriety........no joy there either, I`m afraid.
I finally cracked it when I accepted that it was going to take a whole lot more than merely wishing or wanting.
I began to hunger for sobriety.......covetted it........became greedy for it.........that greed has brought me success.
Looking back, I wasn`t the typical alcoholic we find at M.W.O..........I admire all those of you who can state that they are "functional alcoholics", because I was anything but........I was a complete and utter wreck.......most dysfunctional........between drinking bouts, all I could manage was to do the bare necessities to keep my head above the water and muddle through yet another tortuous day..........it was slippery slope stuff big-time..........I was sinking at an alarming rate until I realized that to survive the drink, I would have to learn to swim against a frenzied current. I chose to swim.........and so began my recovery.
I am almost 11 wks. sober........a young sobriety, yet I know beyond the slightest doubt that I will hold onto my sobriety for dear life. What possible reason could I have to wish a return to being the wretch I used to be?.........it`s almost like I`ve relocated within my own space..........I no longer muddle through.........I experience each new day with the heady excitement of a child........it has been so very long since I have been able to really live my life..........drink had caused my life to be a sufferance.
I consider becoming free of my dependence on alcohol to be the first and most crucial stage of my recovery. I now consider that I have entered Stage 2, which is the quest to become truly well in mind, body and spirit. I very much appreciate that I have a long way to go. I can also now admit that the drunk version of me really wasn`t a very nice person to know.........part of my personal journey is to become a more worthy person and I feel that I am already making great strides in that department. I am beginning to really like "me" again.........I lost her to drink a very long time ago.
I have stated truthfully that I am no longer alcohol dependent. I am also fully aware that I remain an alcoholic and that I always shall. However.........I am no longer afraid. I no longer have any great desire of wine. Please do not misunderstand me.........I readily admit that I could certainly enjoy a bottle of wine if I were to buy one for this evening. However, I will never buy any, because........I simply no longer need it. I feel safe now.......I have discovered an inner peace. The temptation no longer goads me........I know how far I have come and am thankful that there is no going back for me now. I know my sobriety is guaranteed, as long as I do not touch a drop. I am now comfortable and happy with sobriety.
I cannot say my journey has been at all easy........when the going got tough it took steely determination to stay the course.I have cried many tears of self-pity......... having finally turned the corner, the only tears I now shed are ones of joy as I celebrate my freedom, for which I thank God, RJ and each and every one of you.
All my love,
Starlight Impress x
c: :heart:
I am also proud to call you a friend and tho I didn't know you when u first came these people I respect say you were in the dumps. Hard to believe, as you have always been the strong lady I love. Though you are a bit cheeky.:l
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