Just a bit down at the mo....it's my 50th (that?s not the problem though really!) in ten days time and my eldest daughter was sorting out tickets for us all to go to a home footy match in London they would be going to (Charlton fans) that night ....that was talked about way back through from last March! And the last I heard was at their wedding (1st Sept) but much was made of it by them and at least we'd all be together for the evening... (not exactly my choice of venue but...live matches can be fun!) But time has gone on and on and when I texted her 10 days ago (she never answers her phone) to see what the 'plans and bed arrangements were' she said she had no idea what I was talking about. 
It's her birthday the day after mine (she was a pretty amazing 21st present for me!) and she just said she would let me know what she wanted for her birthday after I asked her.
I have been (not meant arrogantly, honest) wondering whether they were sorting a 'surprise' (which they've done before) which I really don't expect but you know....50 and all that...so I didn't want to be awkward and 'pry' so didn?t ring/email/ etc as much as usual...but finally I had to know; three of us going 300 miles for a couple of nights with nowhere to stay and 10 days to go sort of thing... My middle daughter assures me there's nothing 'happening' but wants to know herself because she has to get days off college to go....she can?t get a response either?? and after yet another more blunt "what's happening about the football and birthday?" message to elder d. this morning (Friday) I've still heard absolutely nothing.... and I'm just a bit hurt... I want to do something special (well, just something!) for that day (and see my daughter for her birthday too!) and now I don't know what to do.
I?d have been very happy to sort something out myself ? not a wooss!! ? but I didn?t because of this? I know it seems obvious to just ring her now but it doesn?t seem ?right??I mean, after all it?s my birthday and I would feel like a child saying ?where?s my present??!? And if it is a surprise, my middle daughter?s really p?d off to be left out of organising it?much as she was about elder d?s wedding?.(and rightly so I think.) Aaagh, families! I just don?t know why this has got me all knotted up and shaky?coz it touches on everything I squashed for the wedding it feels like?? I?d be fine if she?d never said anything about doing something?now I feel a bit let down.
I don't like feeling pissed off at my daughter but I have to admit I am....and I feel bad about that. What with my parents not wanting me to visit and... (Of course, they've said nothing about the b.day either!)
I am sure my daughter will ring and then I'll just feel a spoilt brat for worrying....but what if she doesn't? Will I even see her on the day?
Now it?s Saturday morning - Well, my middle daughter was so p?d off with elder d last evening she texted her straight out and said how she was feeling?.and elder d came back with, ?I didn?t think you all still wanted to come up?? What?!?!? She said she?s been frantic at work and had left a few messages. But she hasn?t?I even checked old mobiles phones and that the landline company hadn?t put on a sort of automatic answering service..(1571). No, only my usual ansafone and mobile that she always uses?so?. I don?t like to think of her ?telling porky pies? but what else??
Middle d. is gutted?..she misses her ?Big Sis? sooh much, dealt, as we all had to, with the hurts of the wedding (many of which I rather glossed over in an attempt to be positive about it all) and now isn?t going to see her beloved sister on a pretty family orientated event after all?. And son wont get his ?major? football match either which he?ll be very discreet about but I know he?ll be hurt too? I just don?t get it.
You don?t think this new son-in-law, being a very religious man, has ?turned? her, however gently, away from her ?real? mum do you? He comes from such an 'ordinary', close family. When she was with her previous bf, (who wasn't/didn't!) who she lived with for 7 years, they were always down here and organised a fabulous, totally surprise 45th party for me when I came up for that birthday?.30 friends in a local restaurant, some of whom even came from abroad! Perhaps Son-In-L?s got the wrong end of the stick; elder d. doesn?t know about my parents turning me away all those years ago; when she got old enough to know I didn?t want her to hear ?bad things? about the grandparents she loved so much. I never thought it would matter?. Perhaps it does. She knows her Dad wouldn?t let her go when we got divorced and I left it at that apart from letting her know that I didn?t like that ? I didn?t just give her away?.
It was just so odd at the wedding that even the Vicar (who they are very involved with) didn?t know of my existence?.?
I?ve (as usual) just rambled? I am sure some of you lovely lot will put me straight; I'm sure it's just me. But I just can?t think straight about it at the moment. If you?ve got this far, thank you for taking the time? I know I ?go on?? but my family is everything to me and I can't bear to see it unravel now...after all these years of trying so hard...
At least, funnily enough, I feel better now for knowing I wasn?t being horrible by thinking this is what had happened ? as in, just nothing?s happening in 10 days. (I?m not sure I want it to now; I?m too gutted about this stuff. But I?ll sort something out!!) And wonderfully a drink is furthest from my mind ? why the hell did I used to think that would help!? But when I was worrying about it yesterday I felt I would explode with all the emotion?I felt surprisingly awful! :upset: (and not because of the birthday). I am sure if I had had one drink I might have been in deep poo?so thank you everyone for being in my back pocket all the time! Now I know, I feel quiet and calm about it ? or am I just suppressing the feelings for later? (As ever; I am so (too) good at that. If they come out soon, that?s when I?ll have to watch the old cravings I fear??)
Well, love to everyone. I am still thinking about all the much worse 'stuff' everyone's got going on. And grateful for the good things in my life. Please don?t feel you have to respond; it?s helped to just get it ?out there?? (I guess better than me bottling it up and maybe wishing I hadn?t if I looked at the ol? bottle! Then you'd berate me. (I hope!))
I?ll keep you posted!
Thanks lovely friends
FMF xx
It's her birthday the day after mine (she was a pretty amazing 21st present for me!) and she just said she would let me know what she wanted for her birthday after I asked her. I have been (not meant arrogantly, honest) wondering whether they were sorting a 'surprise' (which they've done before) which I really don't expect but you know....50 and all that...so I didn't want to be awkward and 'pry' so didn?t ring/email/ etc as much as usual...but finally I had to know; three of us going 300 miles for a couple of nights with nowhere to stay and 10 days to go sort of thing... My middle daughter assures me there's nothing 'happening' but wants to know herself because she has to get days off college to go....she can?t get a response either?? and after yet another more blunt "what's happening about the football and birthday?" message to elder d. this morning (Friday) I've still heard absolutely nothing.... and I'm just a bit hurt... I want to do something special (well, just something!) for that day (and see my daughter for her birthday too!) and now I don't know what to do.
I?d have been very happy to sort something out myself ? not a wooss!! ? but I didn?t because of this? I know it seems obvious to just ring her now but it doesn?t seem ?right??I mean, after all it?s my birthday and I would feel like a child saying ?where?s my present??!? And if it is a surprise, my middle daughter?s really p?d off to be left out of organising it?much as she was about elder d?s wedding?.(and rightly so I think.) Aaagh, families! I just don?t know why this has got me all knotted up and shaky?coz it touches on everything I squashed for the wedding it feels like?? I?d be fine if she?d never said anything about doing something?now I feel a bit let down.
I don't like feeling pissed off at my daughter but I have to admit I am....and I feel bad about that. What with my parents not wanting me to visit and... (Of course, they've said nothing about the b.day either!)
I am sure my daughter will ring and then I'll just feel a spoilt brat for worrying....but what if she doesn't? Will I even see her on the day?
Now it?s Saturday morning - Well, my middle daughter was so p?d off with elder d last evening she texted her straight out and said how she was feeling?.and elder d came back with, ?I didn?t think you all still wanted to come up?? What?!?!? She said she?s been frantic at work and had left a few messages. But she hasn?t?I even checked old mobiles phones and that the landline company hadn?t put on a sort of automatic answering service..(1571). No, only my usual ansafone and mobile that she always uses?so?. I don?t like to think of her ?telling porky pies? but what else??
Middle d. is gutted?..she misses her ?Big Sis? sooh much, dealt, as we all had to, with the hurts of the wedding (many of which I rather glossed over in an attempt to be positive about it all) and now isn?t going to see her beloved sister on a pretty family orientated event after all?. And son wont get his ?major? football match either which he?ll be very discreet about but I know he?ll be hurt too? I just don?t get it.
You don?t think this new son-in-law, being a very religious man, has ?turned? her, however gently, away from her ?real? mum do you? He comes from such an 'ordinary', close family. When she was with her previous bf, (who wasn't/didn't!) who she lived with for 7 years, they were always down here and organised a fabulous, totally surprise 45th party for me when I came up for that birthday?.30 friends in a local restaurant, some of whom even came from abroad! Perhaps Son-In-L?s got the wrong end of the stick; elder d. doesn?t know about my parents turning me away all those years ago; when she got old enough to know I didn?t want her to hear ?bad things? about the grandparents she loved so much. I never thought it would matter?. Perhaps it does. She knows her Dad wouldn?t let her go when we got divorced and I left it at that apart from letting her know that I didn?t like that ? I didn?t just give her away?.
It was just so odd at the wedding that even the Vicar (who they are very involved with) didn?t know of my existence?.?
I?ve (as usual) just rambled? I am sure some of you lovely lot will put me straight; I'm sure it's just me. But I just can?t think straight about it at the moment. If you?ve got this far, thank you for taking the time? I know I ?go on?? but my family is everything to me and I can't bear to see it unravel now...after all these years of trying so hard...
At least, funnily enough, I feel better now for knowing I wasn?t being horrible by thinking this is what had happened ? as in, just nothing?s happening in 10 days. (I?m not sure I want it to now; I?m too gutted about this stuff. But I?ll sort something out!!) And wonderfully a drink is furthest from my mind ? why the hell did I used to think that would help!? But when I was worrying about it yesterday I felt I would explode with all the emotion?I felt surprisingly awful! :upset: (and not because of the birthday). I am sure if I had had one drink I might have been in deep poo?so thank you everyone for being in my back pocket all the time! Now I know, I feel quiet and calm about it ? or am I just suppressing the feelings for later? (As ever; I am so (too) good at that. If they come out soon, that?s when I?ll have to watch the old cravings I fear??)
Well, love to everyone. I am still thinking about all the much worse 'stuff' everyone's got going on. And grateful for the good things in my life. Please don?t feel you have to respond; it?s helped to just get it ?out there?? (I guess better than me bottling it up and maybe wishing I hadn?t if I looked at the ol? bottle! Then you'd berate me. (I hope!))
I?ll keep you posted!
Thanks lovely friends
FMF xx
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