don't know what to do!!

[tea]

don't know what to do!!

Hi Cowgirl, we are living parallel lives it seems... My husband is also very verbally abusive, constant derogatory comments especially when he has an audience, verges on physical violence such as coming up really close in my face etc.... I am not scared so much of him being physically abusive as I know that HE knows I will not hesitate to bring in the Police (protection). After many years of this and the last three years of having seperate rooms I am feeling strong.... I am able financially to stand on my own two feet now (just) and have no dependants. I realise that he has bad controlling issues which makes me pity him really, he measures his worth on what he earns and what he possesses, he tells me there is no way I would manage financially without him and takes great pleasure in telling others this also. I have found texts that he has sent to our mutual friends telling stories about our lives, some true, some untrue but all very personal, he clearly feels he is 'losing' the control he once had over me and I think he is running scared. I say again that I am feeling very strong, I can feel changes taking place within myself. OK this isn't helping you (sorry - me, me, me).... It really helps to rant about it, go on and on an on about it as often as you like (oh my long suffering best pal's ears are just about talked off). I find that the main problem and the most difficult to overcome (this is if you really want to leave) is the financial aspect, house prices in the UK have gone through the roof both to buy and rent and it really is becoming impossible for a one income person to afford to live alone. Also the hassle of 'leaving' your home. My husand keeps telling me that if I leave I will get f-ck all..... I have taken advice (legal) and he is in for one big shock on that score, however I am still reluctant to actually GO.... WHY.... then I look really into myself and I know that I really want to go, I am just scared of the financial implications (I have been told by our local authority/council/housing associations) that I will not housed by them as I am not a priority and they advised me to either get a mortgage or to present as homeless, I can't afford a mortgate on my own and am loathe to present myself to the local authority as a homeless person.... OMG I AM SO SORRY I HAVE TOTALLY TAKEN OVER YOUR THREAD...

Lxxx

[boycie]

don't know what to do!!

Hang in there cowgirl change is always scary and uncertain but sometimes for the best. All my thoughts are with you. I am a single parent of three myself and yes it is not always easy but it is rewarding and no matter what anybody says you can do it you can do anything. Kimbo

[cowgal]

don't know what to do!!

today is a new day

The strange thing is he is acting like nothing EVER happened, BLACKOUT??? that makes it even scarrier, I feel much better today, thanks for all your feedback and pms everyone, I know that staying AF more than drinking will help me be stronger through this!:thumbs:

I don't have much going on today w/ patients, so will make it a point to keep posting and reading more than yesterday, I had a really busy day yesterday, so need to at least catch up then I can goof off and read and post:H

Love and hugs thanks for the suppport all!!!!!!!!:h :thanks:

MA

[Niblet]

don't know what to do!!

So glad to see you posting cowgirl,
Sounds like hubby is a coward to not even "want " to remember the shit he ran you through... I'm so sorry to sound so harsh, but you have children and critters to think of as well as yourself here... I really hope that he has given himself a good scare quietly to himself... Some time for him to let this settle into his gut as to how he made you feel the other day. Scared straight maybe ? I sure hope and pray so... If not, you know that we will be here with you every step of your walk down this scarry road...
I'm glad to hear that you are not "hitting" the bottle and once again masking the reality of all this. I hope that you have a great day and know that we are all thinking of you...

[CaptJBean]

don't know what to do!!

Cowgirl,
First find out your states divorce laws. Look around for the meanest divorce attorney you can find, and what their retainer fee would be, and grab it, so your husband doesn't. o
o

[gonegator]

don't know what to do!!

Yikes, I might recomend counseling first...............

[cowgal]

don't know what to do!!

couseling

I go to counseling, he doesn't want to, and has really "no" health insurance to cover it, and quite frankly, doesn't think he has a problem whatsoever:sigh: I will do just as my counselor says , focus on myself, co-habitate in the same house til he comes around, or it gets so bad I need to leave, I am going to get a few more AF days under my belt and think clearly so I can handle this in the best possible way:l :thanks:

I appreciate all the pms and support here, I really AM feeling 1million percent better today, it was the alcohol talking and he doesn't EVEN remember it seems ................I think he had a blackout, has in the past, that is really what scares me:eeks:

Love you guys!!!!!!

MA

[Accountable for Me]

don't know what to do!!

Cowgal, definitely work on yourself and don't do anything rash unless it is absolutely necessary. It takes time to start thinking clearly again when coming off of the alcohol.

Focus on you my friend. Be kind to yourself, be strong and keep moving forward.

[cowgal]

don't know what to do!!

DEFINITELY FOCUSING ON MEEEEEEE

Today, that is all I can do...............will even go to an AA meeting cuz at least that will be one hour or so I won't be putting up w/ his drinking and smoking etc...........it is rather sad that this is happening so fast and out of control it seems. I guess that is usually how it is. probably has been building for a while????

OH, Well,

Love to all, I'll keep checking in, gotta go work some now

MA

[cowgal]

don't know what to do!!

update

Well, he asked if I want a divorce, I said "no", "I really wasn't planning on that"(And I am afraid like I mentioned earlier) It just blew my mind the way he said that, he has threatenend in the past (and so have I) so for now who knows??

Just wanted to update, was bored and reading through all this loving support you guys always send my way:h This calls for a group hu :hug:

Love,

Mary Anne:h :l

[Roz]

don't know what to do!!

Cowgal,
Since August, I have wanted to quit but can't get motivated. If I was in your situation, that would be my motivation because I would want my kids to at least have one parent who was there for them physically and mentally.
Just a thought - take care.

[cowgal]

don't know what to do!!

just a thought

Yeah, especially since it looks like I may be the sole caregiver the way things look today, although he is in rare form and yelling at the kids for not cleaning their room, got a "wild hair up his you-know-what" and wants them to super-clean their room tonight WHy not wait til Sat. is what I suggested, but had to leave the situation and get away.............

Thanks for the support Roz didn't know if anyone still was wondering about the rant of last Monday???

love and hugs.

MA

[Cashregister]

don't know what to do!!

Change can be good, scary but good. I don't know how I would cope in a loveless marriage, in fact I wouldn't. I would leave no matter what. The future is what you have to concern yourself with - do you want this for the rest of your life? - life's pretty short.
Then again, you guys need to talk about this when sober if possible, as if you both could hold off on the grog for a bit you might find there is still love under all the other crap.

Good luck

Cashy
XXX