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**beatle** · October 25, 2007, 01:27 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Minty, that sounds like hallucinations, which often are a part of withdrawal from alcohol, but that sounds like it was too short a time since you drank to get such a withdrawal symptom. I've had hallucinations when I went cold turkey on my own, after about 24 hours or more without alcohol, and they are very scary. If this is what is happening to you, I think you need to see a doctor about stopping drinking.

It's also possible you were just suffering from sleep deprivation. I don't know your alcohol history but if you have been drinking heavily for many years, and this is the first time you abstained for many hours, it could be withdrawal.

That morning thing happens to me all the time. Just one little drink makes those bad feelings go away, but that always leads to more. This, and the hallucinations, indicate you probably have a physical addiction and really you should get medical help to detox.

**beatle** · October 25, 2007, 01:32 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Minty, I realise that sounded very cold and clinical. My heart goes out to you... I know how you are suffering and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope you can get the help you need and remember this when you feel like drinking again. I hope you don't make the mistakes I've made over and over again. I hope you get out of this nightmare and never go back.

**Flip** · October 25, 2007, 01:52 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

If you think it is withdrawal please read RJs info on withdrawls and go straight to the Dr if you have to.

**mintytess** · October 25, 2007, 02:47 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Thanks Beatle and Flip,
I'm hoping it's sleep deprivation as you suggested.
I did manage to go AF a couple of months ago for about 8 days. I had no withdrawal symptoms, slept well and felt great. Then tried to moderate which was ok for a while.
I feel fine now, no shaking or anything, just very tired.

**Finding My Self** · October 25, 2007, 02:51 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Minty, Minty.....oh I so remember that feeling..... it's going to be ok love, but THIS-IS-IT.....

I'm going to find the words I wrote the morning back in May that I woke up with exactly the same 'symptoms' in the hope they will help more then my memory... but I shook, wobbles, sick and seeing insects....

I went to my doc and he, now careful here, please? Go see yours?....He agreed that stopping dead was potentially dangerous. So I did what I so often do whencoming off any tablets this way as the body I think doesn't get such a shock - just ordinary meds this BTW!..... Back then in May I 'took' 1 inch of drink in a glass four times a day for 2 days, 3 times a day for one day and then twice the next - although I never took No. 2 as I didn't 'need' it.... then I went to AA as I didn't know about here then. It wasn't for me although I have to thank it for being there just then.... then I came here but you're here already so that's great. Please note I said ONE INCH of drink....even though it didn't totally take away the horrible feelings it helepd my body come down a little slower - I had been doing the morning thing for a few weeks but that, of course, escalated into all day...plase don't let one inch turn into a bottle...it isn't worth it. BE STRONG. (Yes, you can be...) THAT morning was truly the most scared I have been in my life. I truly thought I was dying.

That was 5 months ago - you can do it but the stuff HAS to be out of the system for about 90 days to know it....but just one day at a time...(one minute sometimes it was early on!) Now, for me, lucky maybe, but why not you too?, it's just fine. I don't want it and life is so different.

I wrote what I hope I find in a moment (but wanted to get this off asap) thatt first morning so I would never forget how it felt - I knew the memory would erase something that horrible...- and I could read it if Iwas ever tempted in the future. Fortunately I am so phobic about throwing up that I haven't had to - yet - but I haven't felt the need. I hope you can get there too - in fact, I KNOW you can...you're in the right place with everyone here at MWO...

Let us know how you're doing wont you....hang in there today. Read up all RJ's wisdom on this (she is why we're here on this wonderful site...she knows things!) and check with your doc....don't be alone and drink loads of water and really sweet drinks (your body will be on a major sugar crash with no alcohol to convert to its quick sugar fix). You'll naturally stop them in a couple of days....which will be nasty but not as bad as now... just shaky, wobbly, vulnerable, hyper-sensitive but progressing to feeling so, so, so much better. 'fraid the only way out is through....do it!

Well, that's just what helped me...Please, I so feel for you and send a big hug...don't go there ever again will you? It's HELL.

Lots of love
FMF xx

**Finding My Self** · October 25, 2007, 03:04 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Here it is Minty...I know it's passed now and I am sooooh glad for you...but please, don't go there again. Black insects is a very, very bad sign; just because it's gone off today dones't mean it's OK.....

May 2007 - "Monday morning - 2.30am I woke feeling I was going to shake to death. I was still too pissed to really take in what was going on and was very, very scared, sweating profusely, shaking and nauseuous. Radio on I went through hours of worsening symptoms.... by 6.30am I was lying retching (the old dry heaves) a few times on my back - how fortunately empty) afraid to move for the bowl in case... and because I didn't think I actually could move. The bed was soaking with sweat and I was shaking uncontrollably. I tried to pick up the water glass and rattled it so alarmingly on the clock-radio that I thought the noise would wake the dead. I kept dozing off and on waking with a gasp as I felt I had woken through stopping breathing. I was seeing (the) little black 'insects' scuttling about in my peripheral vision.... I tried to get to the loo and my legs wouldn't work. I could barely take my own weight and my knees were all bent up and I had to hold on to any thing - I was 1 degree off crawling..... My heart was pounding, sweating still, breathing all over the place and feeling my inwards were coming out even without my actually retching - nothing there fortunately but this was beyond throwing up..I was just 'open'.... At about 10am I poured a finger of brandy (too pissed to do it the night before) and forced it gradually down over the next hour. I had had 10mg benzo at 7am - done nothing. I knew this was purely medicinal - I really did. I knew I could die from DT's by that point and that although a drink was the last thing I fancied (for once) I had to do it to possibly stay alive - and then I had to do something...admit I was powerless. By 11-ish I was feeling like I might live but like death still. The shaking has lessened with the 'tot' but I trembled for days....

That was 'that' morning - one like I never want to experience again. I will add to the above as it comes to me so I may never forget where I got my self to and how absolutely horrible it is to be there... and how dangerous. God had saved my neck at New Year and here I was still trying to kill myself - slowly. To have got to the stage of seeing the insects.... and I thought I could stop on my own...or that life had to change 'for the better' and then I just wouldn't want so much alcohol.... Hmmmm! ......"

This is the first time I've dared read it since actually - I am too shocked by it. But even more relieved to be 'away' from it now.

I hope I haven't 'spoke out of turn', Minty and just projected my stuff on you. I really want to help but just it delete if it's not helful wont you?

Love FMF xx

**mintytess** · October 25, 2007, 03:04 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Finding My Feet,
Thanks so much for your reply. I'll give your suggestion a go and ration the drinks. At the moment I don't feel like any at all but I know by around 5pm. I will do. I never ever what to feel like that again.
Minty x

**Finding My Self** · October 25, 2007, 03:35 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Good on you Minty.....remember my bit about not taking the 'medicine' when I didn't want it wont you?....I mean, if you don't really 'need' one (as in coz of serious shaking with insects) then don't have one or it might become 'sort of modding' and it's way too early for that! The sooner you stop it altogether the quicker you'll feel better. Remember your brilliant 8 months!! Of course you'll fancy one tonight....the old body's quite simplistic in its demand for it little habits! - but you're bigger then that! Smile sweetly, think of us gunning for you, (remember this morning!) and sip your whatever-it-is-that-is-AF...!!

Sorry to go on but I would (a) love to see you feeling better and (b) absolutley hate to say something that could 'help' you back to this morning....not because I don't think you can do this but because we're all different and what worked for me isn't necessarily.... well, you know what I mean!! Right behind you is what I'm saying!

Love FMF xx

**bloggy** · October 25, 2007, 04:30 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Yes Minty, FMF meant the tiny drinks ONLY as a way of surviving those terrible withdrawal symptoms she had, as it really was the only way she could have got through them, not as a method of moderating, but as a means of survival.
I also think you need to do something fast or it will get rapidly worse.

I too was where you are about six months ago- I was having to drink to just get through the day, the benders would last about three days,, then I would be in horror at what I had done, but still have to have a sip at intervals to get through the next few days before I felt OK again. This was a horrible place to be- I went to the doctor and was AF for nearly a month, since then I have moderated quite well, with a few slip ups- I came here after one of those slip ups.

I can only thank God I am still alive, but I find your description quite scary and very similar to mine. Please get some help, because it can get worse, and very very quickly.

FMF- thanks so much for your vivid description. I am going to make a note of this thread and come back to read when I feel the cravings getting the better of me.

An extremely effective craving antidote in my opinion.

**mintytess** · October 25, 2007, 05:13 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Thanks Marbella, I'm so pleased I didn't drink last night, just during the day to get me through those terrible feelings. At least I don't have a hangover this morning, I've just eaten and had a nice cup of tea and feel fine now apart from being really tired.

My partner's just gone to the farmacia to ask if it's ok for me to have some mild sleeping tablets. A friend told me about them and said it's possible to buy them over the counter here.

I have no craving for any alcohol at the moment which feels great.

I'm so pleased the moderating's going well for you Marbella, keep it up, you're doing so well.

Minty x

**bloggy** · October 25, 2007, 05:31 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

I think I have had the tablets you are talking off, they are called So?odor, and are pretty strong for over the counter stuff, I don't think they would be over the counter in other countries, but for many years Spain was very lenient with what they sold OTC- though they have become alot stricter the last few years.

(My sister used to come over and buy bags of stuff that she could not get in the UK

)

I am doing OK, but nowhere NEAR where I want to be. It is a long windy road:-0

Good luck for today, I think the So?odor will help.

**BILLYJACK** · October 25, 2007, 05:49 AM

Scared to go to sleep.

Your story sounds SO much like those of mine.. After a good 3-6 day drinking binge, I cant sleep for 3-4 days and IF I do happen to doze off, I all most allways have nightmares that are so horrifying, they actually wake me up in a profound sweat. A loud noise will have me jumping out of my skin. It takes me 4-6 days before I can actually get any amount of sleep that actaully counted.

Dont forget to take your vitamins and herbs, they will help and try to keep off the booze.

Bill

**Determinator** · October 25, 2007, 07:09 PM

Scared to go to sleep.

Hola Minty, glad you're ok! yep, very familiar and horrid memories for me as well.
your body is going to be very deprived so you will need to be sure to get these:
vit B1 (thiamine), vit C, magnesium, potassium. try to take those a couple times per day for a couple weeks and drink plenty of water.
then for cravings L-glutamine 3 to 5 grams helps me a ton.
you will feel like a million bucks soon!

**Accountable for Me** · October 25, 2007, 07:32 PM

Scared to go to sleep.

That must of been very scary for you mintytess. I had hallucinations once upon a time ago and man, I was beside myself with fear. Mine weren't bugs but were of actual people. Once there was a policeman sitting on my night table. Another time there was this little girl with long curly brown hair standing in my room and the last one was a dead person hanging in my closet. Just as I am typing this it freaks me out still. The last one I was screaming my face off and my BIL came running into my room. (I was staying with them at the time - one of my lower moments in life). I then was shipped off to detox. Think I learned anything there - no..... because I didn't take it seriously. I met a bunch of other addicts whom became 'friends' and after treatment started to drink with them.... UGH.

Those were baaaaad days and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. I had no idea that this type of withdrawal and other of the harsh symptoms could be fatal. Be aware of what is going on with you. Get lots of vitamins and water in you.

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