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    #1

    Guilt

    Hello, my friends!

    Since I have been back from my retreat I have had a difficult time settling into being completely AF. I have not started my TOPA, and maybe that is why, but even without it I find that I don't drink to get drunk anymore, not even close. Last night I had one glass of wine and then switched to MILK, of all things! Does this mean I should be with the MOD-Squad, or the AF-er's. I feel a bit of both.

    The main thing is I am feeling guilt, and so I need to work through this. Guilt is bad for me - I know this on every level.

    I feel like the is some outside finger pointing at me saying "make up your mind and STICK TO IT"!!! But I am not ready to make up my mind. Am I being stubborn? Is is dangerous for me that I am not committing one way or another? Maybe it is the quick stint in AA years ago. (sorry AAers), that makes me have this guilt...Ah, I just feel confused today.

    Anyway, thank you for letting me get this out.. just this helps

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.
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    #2
    Guilt

    Oh Mama, Guilt is my middle name. It can make you doubt everything you do. I can't choose for you Abs or Mods. I will tell you I know my limits and make a daily goal as to stay there. I look at it a little as if I were to have diabetes. I know if I have a lot of cake it would be bad for me; but a nibble and I can walk away feeling satisfied. If you feel you can stick to a goal and walk away from it when the goal is reached I say Mods. If not abs. As for the guilt if you ever figue out away past it, please let me know.
    Hugs
    Mar

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      #3
      Guilt

      a most excellent topic MM!! I'm sitting here thinking that guilt is another one of those things that.......well..... I feel guilty when I drink, so then I want to drink more to drown the guilt. (I get depressed about my drinking, so I drink to drown the depression and get more depressed. Anxiety works in this downward spiraling merrygoround too).

      I grew up with an alcoholic parent, so I NEVER had a guilt-free drink. I was never able to really examine my drinking separate from my Dad's. I am starting to. I also need/want/choose to be AF, so ANY drink is also a potential guilt-fest. This board is the first place I have found where all of this can be explored so openly and with no judgments at all. And with so much support from people in the same boat. It's awesome.

      wonder xx

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        #4
        Guilt

        MM - I hope The Guilt settles for you soon...I would say it could be AA... (sorry from me too). I used to feel guilty even walking past the off-licence 'because they told me not to'... that I 'would wreck it for them'....Not here. That, to me, is what's so great about MWO; we all help each other find that place of honesty, groundedness and integrity (one day!) which takes courage and individuality. No matter how long it takes and where it takes each one of us.... AF totally, AF periodically, moderating in sizes S, M and L... just to be able to face ourselves in the mirror. "Let the mirror be our conscience".... NOT all the parrots on our shoulders echoing the 'stuff' we've been led to believe all our years...

        I'm glad to 'lose the guilt' but maintain the 'resepct' for the stuff.....healthy fear!

        Good Luck MM - you'll 'get there' I know you will. Take care on your journey... Believe in you no matter what you decide....for now...coz we're human and change!

        Love FMF xx
        :heart: c: :heart:
        "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

        Comment

          #5
          Guilt

          Exactly!!!!! thanks FMF....... love this thread. halleluja! and thanks RJ!

          Comment

            #6
            Guilt

            Very good point MM, and everyone here has given such good answers-- exactly what I would have said!

            So, I will not repeat, but I will add one thing: I think some people can moderate nicely and that's good. Some people cannot. You need to find out which way you feel you are before you start to feel guilt for one drink or two. I can tell you that I know I need to be AF -- I feel that AF is actually easier than moderating, because it is just ONE decision to make: I DON'T DRINK. Whereas moderating is a constant dance of decision-making: How much can I drink tonight? One drink? Oh, I've had two drinks, should I have one more or stop now? And on and on...

            But all our situations and brains are different, so none of us can say what's best for you.

            But guilt, that you will never get away from. It always feel better, though, if you don't drink.
            Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

            Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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              #7
              Guilt

              Hello MM ,
              guilt has got to been an evil in this world... Nothing good can come of it... I truely feel that RJ has hit the nail on the head by titling this as " MY WAY OUT" ... You are an individual that has to find your way out Hon... I wish all the very best... Good for you on have one and then switching to milk !!

              ~ I hear a whinny on the wind~

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                #8
                Guilt

                Thanks...

                No doubt it is an individual journey - but one that we all share..
                Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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