we knew it was terminal. we were told 3 weeks ago that he had a few months, then weeks. on monday i was told a few days. by then Ade had said he didnt want anymore treatment, just let him go, he was in pain and exhausted.
he went through more painful treatment than anybody should have to bear and all to no avail. he was a very brave man and barely complained. he fought it with an inner strength that astounded me. many people are shocked as they didnt really see him at his worst during chemo and radiotherapy.
i am at the moment, numb. occasional tears from nowhere. i know this wont last and i will crumble some time. i dream that he gets better and we have a little more time, then i wake up. sleep is not a comfort or escape from this hell that is my reality.
these last two years, we have been in a whirlwind together. now i am in the quiet centre on my own. soon the other side of the whirlwind will be upon me, on my own.
roxane
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