My Parents

[AMELIA]

Had some awful news last night. I rang my mum at work to say a quick hello and during the conversation she told me that my dad has been having an affair and they are going to seperate.

I can not describe how shocked I am by this. Just wouldn't have thought my dad would do that. He's 68 and mum is 66. I am just so sad and feel awful and I don't know what to do.

I think part of the pain is worrying about how it will work out for them. Plus, I feel so sad for them, that after 37 years of marriage, it has to end like this. My mum is focusing on the fact that the 'new woman' is 20 years younger than her - how horrible.

It's just sad, sad, sad. I feel for both of them. I also feel frustrated and guilty that they are in New Zealand and I am here in the UK.

I know this happens the world over - people have affairs. I just thought my parents would ALWAYS be together. I am 37 years old and am finding this so difficult. I keep on thinking that at least it didn't happen when I was younger as I would have found it a lot more difficult to cope.


Lots of tears.

[wonderworld]

My Parents

Oh Amelia----
Such sad and shocking news. I'm so sorry, truly. It's awful.

My parents marriage ended in this way (the affair with the younger woman), and only last week I got the shock of my life, finding out that my incredibly proper older sister had done the same and is leaving her husband and 2 small kids. The anger and tears are slowly subsiding.....somehow, miraculously, mercifully...... It's just so painful.

A big hug to you-
Luv wonder XX

[Finding My Self]

My Parents

Amelia - I am so sorry.....(and Wonder, I am glad your pain is subsiding a little....)

Amelia, I feel sad that it was, "during the conversation..." I am sure your Mum is handling it the only way she knows - and just how DO you tell your 37 year old daughter what her Dad's doing?! - but it must have been a horrible shock for you.

Oh, if only people knew how lonely they could end up if they 'give up' on a long-lasting marraige. I do hope they will be OK and that this younger woman either sticks around or your Mum and Dad can sort it out.... Not too cheerful for you I'm afraid but I'll be sending thoguhts and prayers to you and your parents... It must be really heartbreaking to be so far away.....but if your Mum really is handling it - well, all power to her and be reassured by that a little.....?

Love and hugs to you and Wonder....
FMS xx xx

[Accountable for Me]

My Parents

Amelia I am so sorry. This must of come as a complete shock... and your poor mom. The thing is try not to feel guilty. It was his mistake. Your mom will need lots of compassion, just as you will through this. Can your mom come to the UK?

My dad (as much as I love him) had always cheated on my mom and his current wife of 25 years. Even once with a couple of my friends - which is really gross. (a whole different story). I honestly don't know why his wife puts up with it; actually I do know. It is because he is loaded. But anyway, it does devastate everyone.

I am really sorry for your pain, kiddo. That just bites the big one.

[Guest]

My Parents

Amelia,
I am so sorry........sometimes life just sucks. People do not really consider all the pain they`ll cause. Look after yourself........you`ll be your mum`s rock through all of this.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[jane jane]

My Parents

Oh my!!!!! So the ol' boy's got it in 'im yet. Well, his new little chippie is hardly a spring chicken herself, but still, your mother must feel like absolute HELL. You know, these old geezers who find younger women are forgetting that they are on the threshold of being really needy, and will these "entrancing" younger gals (though 48 is hardly a babe) be there like the long-standing wives would, taking care of them once the thrill has worn off? I very much doubt it. The question then becomes: when Miss Slut (of whatever age) has bowed out and run away, will First Wife take the old coot back in his hour of need?

I wouldn't, under any circumstances whatsoever; if I wasn't good enough to hold his sexual interest after many devoted years, then I certainly would not wipe his drool. But our daughters might feel tenderness and sympathy for dear ol' Dad, and I would not ever make them "choose" between us. So you need to support your mom, but keep an ear for your dad, too. It won't be easy!

[AMELIA]

My Parents

Thank you, all of you for your replies.
Wonderworld, I think part of my pain (apart for empathy for my parents and their problems), is that a 37 year long 'institution' in my eyes has gone up in smoke.
I probably haven't described their situation that well...I know they had problems. I just always thought my parents would be together. I guess that's what you think as a kid. Cause that's what you know.
I just don't get how I am going to deal with them in seperate places/homes/possible relationships.......

Starlight, you are right about the pain. It's awful. I hope I can be my mums rock. But I don't want to let my dad down either....I feel like jumping in and being the marriage counsellor, but I KNOW that I can't do that either.

Accountable, I would love my mum to come to the UK. I will think about it and perhaps put the idea to her. She mentioned yesterday that she would like to get away for a while.
God, your dad sounds like a handful. My goodness, I can not even imagine dealing with all that you have said. I know you said he was loaded most of the time, but was he gorgeous too?? Please don't take me the wrong way, but he sounds extremely successful with the girls???.....

Jane Jane, even though some of what you said at the end of your post upset me. The rest kind of had me laughing in some strange demented (tired, stressed) way.
Girl, you shoot from the hip and that is very refreshing. And I agree pretty much with what you say. My dad is a very very difficult person. I have wondered for all of my years why my mum put up with him and his unreasonable behaviour (before this affair he just acted like a 6 year old).
But, I have been thinking today, that this new woman may know precious little about her 'lover'.... I just can't see a happy ending for him either.

Once again, thanks for your replies, I am absolutely exhausted.

[Guest]

My Parents

im sorry Amelia, thats truely awful news . You must feel like your core has been smashed. Thinking of you .

[trixietrack]

My Parents

so sorry to read this limers. get some rest
be well. what could you father possibly be thinking???

trix

[Guest]

My Parents

Amelia,
I am SO SORRY! Our parents are our security blankets...no matter how old we are so when one or both hurt, we hurt. You never know what makes people do things....

[betty boop]

My Parents

Amelia, cant add anything but sending huge BB hugs :l :l :l :l

[jane jane]

My Parents

Amelia, I would not have upset you for the world---sorry if I did so. But just as parents have to let go of their kids when they become adults, we must let our parents go---and sometimes they act like kids! Look at poor Paul McCartney and that awful weirdo he married after darling Linda died. Middle-age crazy, pure and simple. Oh, well---listen to both their stories, but don't get too caught up in it all.

[lucky 2.0]

My Parents

jane jane offers good advise. but it is sooooooooooooo hard!

amelia- wishing you peace. this is their issue so do not get too sucked in. i know it is hard. believe me.

[lushy]

My Parents

Amelia just wanted to say I am sorry. It must be heartbreaking for you to know your dad was capable of doing this. It is really hurtful. Hope you and your mom will be okay.

[gabby]

My Parents

Amelia, owie owie ouch. Big hugs comin to you.