I'm Struggling .....

[Finding My Self]

I'm Struggling .....

Betty - howz you doing, love?.... If you're down to 'only' a bottle or two a day from all day last year...well, that is brilliant....but, those 1-2 bottles are going to build up in your system and cloud your judgement more and more until you're back to all day.... B, you deserve a life better than that....please don't let it get to that again?

This alcohol stuff is so bl**dy insiduous.... you know, I absolutely hate the way it so infiltrates life today....for everyone. 75% of the population is walking around in a just slightly mind-altered state each day!! For what? For why??!! I seem to be able to tell now if someone's had only a glass!! The radio is full of jokes and inuendo about it....weird! (Sorry, I'll climb off the soap-box I've just found myself on! )

Anyways! You mention how it was for you last year...any good writing (or reading it again if you already did) it down in as much detail as you can muster? Just to remind youself of how it CAN get (not saying it will) so's to maintain 'reality' around the 'evening cocktails'?

I'm right behind you BB...to support all I can. You deserve soooo much. You're such a giver and a bright light here...

(And I'll buy you your first Coke/coffee next Saturday if you like!!)

Love and hugs
FMS xxxx:l :h

[jane jane]

I'm Struggling .....

Betty Boop, I've not been the high-achieving perfectionist saint I set out to be, either---I'm too embarrassed to go into details (not half as brave and honest as you are, alas) but suffice it to say that you and I would have a LOT to talk about if we were to meet (anywhere but a bar!

My husband offered to abstain, to support me, but I wouldn't let him give up a nice glass of merlot just because I was a weak wino. Probably a mistake, and when I gear back up I'll probably ban wine from the house altogether. He won't suffer too much; a dark ale or a bourbon and water will make him just as happy, and I luckily don't care for these at ALL.

We have a big fundraiser tomorrow night for my younger daughter's prep school---it's an international food tasting, with loads of tables with different cuisines (it's a very diverse school population, and there are some drop-dead cooks from India, Japan, Thailand, Greece, Italy...mmmm) and the problem is: the WINE flows like water! It's held outdoors in the beautiful school courtyard, the lights are twinkling up in the trees, the weather is idyllic, and...oh, BB, I just so know I'm not going to be able to abstain. Or stop at one...two...well, you know the routine!

If you are like me, you are used to setting a goal and by Golly nailing it---typical overachiever---and failing at wine control makes us feel like the lowest slugs crawling on earth, doesn't it? Why can we control so much, but not this? Well, I ain't givin' up just yet, and you ain't either. That's an order! (little tough love there...)

Here's to Monday for the pair of us!

[betty boop]

I'm Struggling .....

Trixie, I wrote myself a letter last year detailing how bad I felt, I opened it and read it this morning ..... yes I'm with you to fight the beast ......

FMS, I was drinking 1-2 bottles every night for many years before I started the morning drinks, but I decided last night that I was starting the slippery slope again and I certainly am not going there again ...........

Thanks to all my lovely MWO out friends who have responded to this .......

Can't wait to meet some of you next week .....

[betty boop]

I'm Struggling .....

Jane we were posting at the same time, I had to confess here or I would have carried on every night, it's because I have been more confident that we have wiine in the house, and its gradually crept up ....

So i'm only going to buy small amounts again, luckily my hubby will support me in fact it will do him good too ........

Here's to monday ........

[raoul]

I'm Struggling .....

Betty,

Having not been around the site very often lately I have just come across this thread. Reading your first post on it filled me with sadness and guilt. You were so good to me a few months ago and offered me friendship, support , advice and hope. I feel I have let you down and wish I had been there to repay some of that friendship and support when you were down.

Typical of you though, Betty, you were down - not out, and you seem to be fighting back to top form. My thoughts are with you as we continue our progress.

Best wishes and thanks for times past,

Raoul

[weemelonhead]

I'm Struggling .....

Dear BB......have just found your thread this morning, and sort of groan in commiseration as I really hear and feel your disappointment. I spent nearly 20 years like that and know exactly how you feel sweetie.
Your honest post indicates what must be the main issue here though, and that is, that you WANT to sort this out....without your determination, nothing will happen, so be proud of yourself that your will to live a better, healthier life is still so strong, even when things can be so tough....
My partner drinks nearly every night too (when he doesn't have to work) and either his drinking has greatly increased, or I just never realised how much he imbibed, as I was always too gone, and then too guilty about my own actions to take much notice.
It is harder to be strong when there it is waving about in front of you, but then, I try and tell myself, there will ALWAYS be temptations and 'reasons' for me to drink...I cannot change everyone else in the world, so I must concentrate on me, whether or not anyone else decides to shove this crap down their necks...I have found that it helps me a lot to feel sorry for him, rather than envy him.....(in my head obviously...I would never bang on patronisingly to his face) and tell myself how lucky I am to have the choice of NOT drinking and feeling sober and proud, when he seemingly HAS to drink...
We're all different though....horses for courses dear....
I just feel it in my water that you of all people WILL do the things you know you need to to feel better about the way you drink....
Look forward to your holiday with your dear chums love...it will be amazing to have a huuuuge heart to heart with so many great folk face to face...I am very envious!!!
Stay strong Betsie....one day at a time dear......

Be healthy.....you deserve it!!!!!!! Repay some of the love, patience and kindness you have shown to people here to yourself now lovie...
Much love Weemelon xxxxx

[beatle]

I'm Struggling .....

BB, I saw your thread first thing this a.m. My heart nearly leaped out of my chest and I so much wanted to answer right away. I had no time to answer as I was so busy with many small emergencies all day, but I have been thinking about you almost every minute.

I just want to remind you that you have been in a much worse place before (drinking from 6 a.m.-- I think you said?). Now you have slipped back from a much better place, but you are still ahead of where you were at the worst and you have the will to change this.

I am in a similar place, so who am I to give advice? I have done AF for weeks (six weeks is my record) and every time I start drinking again, I can moderate for a while... until, slowly it turns into something like, yeh, 2 bottles. I don't want that again. I know it. You know it. I am moderating now with AF as the goal, but it's not been easy (though kudzu is helping me-- see the tread on Holistic Healing if you want to follow my "holy shit" progress).

Please, just take it one day at a time. Try to drink less each night or not at all, ha ha easier said than done, eh? But don't be so down on yourself either. You know what you want. Keep working towards it. You are so strong.

[betty boop]

I'm Struggling .....

Raoul, weemelon & Beatle, thanks ever so much for your kind words,

This is probably going to sound strange but I'm actually quite proud of myself for recognising it before totally lost with the daytime drinking again, I can and will do this ........... I've talked with hubby and we are both going for AF starting monday ......

Thanks again everyone :l :l :l

[weemelonhead]

I'm Struggling .....

Woop ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Well done darlin'...and good on hubby for his support!!
Love you Bets.

[raoul]

I'm Struggling .....

Way to go Betty!!!

It's good to make plans. "Fail to plan, plan to fail!"

I've made some plans for myself and they are in a thread I started earlier called "42 days".

I'm glad your hubby is on side, it will make hings that bit easier I am sure.

Best wishes,

Raoul xx

[beatle]

I'm Struggling .....

Fantastic! -- and have you tried the kudzu?

[Beaches]

I'm Struggling .....

Very happy for you Betty! Sounds like a great plan and so nice you have a supportive hubbie.

[betty boop]

I'm Struggling .....

beatle;218589 wrote: Fantastic! -- and have you tried the kudzu?

I have Kudzu but not taken it for a while, i've started again today.

Thanks beaches too xx

[12many]

I'm Struggling .....

Go, Betty, go.

-d

[Finding My Self]

I'm Struggling .....

BB - you're just sooooh great!! And I am so glad S is with you..... that's BRILL!

Love and hugs to The Boop housegold!!! (I'll leave that....! A gold household!!)

FMS xxx