It only looks easy sometimes

[Mags]

Satuday night. Many of you know me around here. I've been AF for quite a while and many say how strong I am and so forth. But I'm really not - just dealing with reality every day. If I make it sound like it is easy after so long, I am right - it does get soooooooo much easier with time - so much more natural and just part of life. No more booze - part of life - part of a much better and happier life. It's really a nobrainer. Don't drink and save money and be a whole lot happier. It really is very true. Why in the hell would I ever want to drink again? I'm doing great the way I am. But sometimes I do want to drink.

Funny thing. Saturday night. So why would I love so much to have a drink? Why am I even thinking about it? I know I don't want one - but why do I feel like I would want one? I know I'm not going to have one, so that is not the problem. It is more like a question. What is this crazy thing that makes me want one for no reason and even though I know it is horribly destructive to me. There is no reason. That's just the way it is. All the shrinks and researchers in the world can study it, but the fact is that in some of us that's just the way it is.

It's OK. I'm not sweating or craving or going crazy. And I'm not drinking. Over time I have learned to live with these moments. All of you can. It takes a lot of time and some failure along the way. I used to feel failure when I wanted to drink. Now, that's not a failure to me. That's just me.

I don't know why I wrote this. I haven't posted for a while. It's just what I am thinking tonight. Thanks to those of you who read this.

[weemelonhead]

It only looks easy sometimes

Thanks for posting Maggymoo......I have been af for nearly 11 months now, and pretty nearly EVERY Fiday night when I am coming home from work on the bus....I think about the wine I am going to knock back when I get home......

I won't do it....I don't 'really' crave it..I use my positive thinky things to get the 'I miss it' ideas out of my head...but the thoughts are still there.
They come less often now, it used to be every day all day....now they have slipped back to the weekend. Sometimes when I'm on the phone (PRIME drinking time previously) I feel like I should get a tumbler of vino tinto out of the cupboard before I can make a call...
Odd isn't it...but, like you, I know that isn't an option...I won't let it be an option...that is the basis of my AF, the promise to myself that wotever happens...I WILL NOT DRINK...

I don't feel a failure when I think I want a drink, and neither bloody well should you, we DON'T drink...we are absochuffinlootely MARVELOUS.....
Thanks for the post...I suspect all or most of the LTA's get these thoughts/feelings from time to time. The big thing is, how you deal withem...

Keep going sweetie....
Weemelon xxx

[KatieSmiles]

It only looks easy sometimes

Thanks for posting Mags

hugs!
K

[CaptJBean]

It only looks easy sometimes

Reading your posting is really an inspiration. I am still struggling since it's still 3 weeks. I'm only on the cutting way back phase. Some day no alcohol some days only a couple. But, far better than the last few months.
Topa has helped with the cravings... and I of course gained wt. Aside from that, no other major side affects. I'm only up to 75mg. And, I'm not taking the supps. I know I need to read post like your so I can get more stamina on my own. Thanks.

[shelbysmiles]

It only looks easy sometimes

Mags, I'm very new here but can really relate to your post. It's Saturday-I should drink. I'm cooking-I should drink. Survivor is on TV-I should surely drink. And, like you, I really do not want to drink but the habit is there. The habit is saying there is no way you can do anything with out drinking.

You really are an inspiration to us who are struggling to be AF.

Olivia

[maxman]

It only looks easy sometimes

great work mags, heres a big upside down kiss for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Bella]

It only looks easy sometimes

I always like hearing from you Mags! Just to let you know, you are not alone with the thoughts of drinking. Friday night I just got back from a kids Halloween Party; I was tired and bad tempered - I hated my husband - I REALLY wanted a bucketful of wine. I love saying that....A BUCKETFUL OF WINE! BUt no......I did not have even one, not evwen a small bucket! Instead I sat down, put my feet up on the sofa and watched some really mind numbing tv. I actually felt better afterwards, and the feeling of going mad on the drink passed.

So Mags, we are alike in our ways.

thanks for posting. Bella xxxx

[Waves 2]

It only looks easy sometimes

A PLAY

Body: I want a drink.

Mind: You really want to go back to feeling anxious 99% of the time?

Body: ( louder) I want a drink.

Mind: Drink is poison. Your side hurts, you cough your guts up, you feel tired and lethargic all the time and none of your jobs get done. At the moment you feel great-full of energy and enthusiasm for life.

Body: ( in wheedling, persuasive tone) A drink will take all your worries away.

Mind: Only till tomorrow-then they're back with a vengeance. Don't lift that glass to your lips on my account!

Body: ( quietly) But I want one.

Mind: Sorry, Body, I can only give the order to lift and tip. I have to self-preserve.

THE NEXT DAY

Body: Thanks, Mind.

[Beaches]

It only looks easy sometimes

Mags you know that I always enjoy what you have to say. Thanks for sharing it helps all of us.

[Guest]

It only looks easy sometimes

:l

[meditation mama]

It only looks easy sometimes

Thanks, Mags, and all of you for your posts.... Wonderful thread.

MM

[janka]

It only looks easy sometimes

Well, very well said Mags. You are always an inspiration! I respect you so very much, j

[lushy]

It only looks easy sometimes

I love this thread and so admire you Mags.

Waves, that was great what you wrote!!!!

[nerak]

It only looks easy sometimes

I know exactly how you feel. I used to drink because my reality was harsh and jagged and drinking made my world soft, warm and fuzzy. Then too much drinking made my reality (sobriety) seem soft, warm and fuzzy compared the the harsh and jaggedness of being drunk. Now, I have learned to embrace, appreciate and create my own soft, warm fuzzies in my sobriety. So, why would I trade that for even a moment of drinking? I wouldn't! But, it still calls me. Just one little sip...just one little delectable sip...it's Friday and a sip of Cabernet would be so yummy - unless there's no such thing as one sip...which there isn't for me.

So, there's no shame in missing the Cabernet, but there's so much more pride in having learned to embrace the warm fuzzies of sobriety!

[Cashregister]

It only looks easy sometimes

No doubt about it Mags -- every Friday after work and a long hard working week I think automatically that i'll have a drink - then have to tell myself i'm not - it doesn't stop but it does get easier.
My Dad gave up smoking over 20 years ago and he still reckons he craves one, specially after dinner. Sorry to harp on about smoking but it's been three weeks and one day for me (yay I can breathe again!) - so am still a little obsessed
Still addiction is addiction - if only they had "alcohol patches" but I guess that just would not work - we'd all be pissed constantly, but no craving (just joking!)
Cashy
xx