Waking up to my self... sucks.

[karma7171]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

42!

DB2 I could not agree more. Ima...you are only 42! Do you know how real it is that you will live to be 84! I am 36 and I feel like such a baby in this thing called life. Sure when I was young I "looked" up to my elders (now I realize that they were just babies themselves)...but now that I am getting there...I realize that they didn't have a clue about life...just much like I don't now. It has made the path to forgiving my parents so much easier...I realize now that they were doing the best that they could....they are now 56. I realize just now are they really "getting" life. And boy are they...call it a mid-life crisis...but I am glad to see it and learn from it at the age I am now. And I would not be learning a damn thing if I had not walked the path I had. Could you imagine me...thinking I had it all together in my 20's and 30's.....then to wake up now and realize that I didn't know a damn thing. It would be such a let down. Yet, now I realize I am much just like the rest in my age group...or almost ahead of the curve because I had the path I did. I see so many people who walk around at the age of 36 "looking" like they have it all together...I know better. Even Oprah says that she didn't get it until 50...so put it in perspective.

Karma

[Cinders]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Karma,

Exactly.

We can come to age in our teens and come to age in our 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s.

Okay, i am not going so far as our HUNDREDS because that is HUGE!!!!!

But, any of us that are "searching' and "asking" what/where is the right thing to do...

Read, post and do the right thing.!!

Love,
Cindi

[karma7171]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Cindi

I read recently that Keith Urban tries to look at life as if he was 80. When I am 80 looking back would I think that picking up that six pack was such a great idea? Or would I think that had I not and "suffered" to grow to be better? Trying to look at the choices you make now as to how they will affect you at 80 really gives clarity. Those new shoes look like nothing but dust....and the drink you would just shake your head and go "God I really had no clue back then".

And 100! I am not quite sure I really want to live quite that long. But I do remember this woman who was 94 in the nursing home when I would visit my grandmother. We called her "firecracker" because she seemed to have such a wisdom about her. I also remember liking to go to the nursing home because if you could see past the pain you could see the wisdom. The wisdom that lives in nursing homes is unbelievable, but most of the world looks past it...because they fear being there.

I think I may volunteer at one....I could use the wisdom of the ages. It makes things so much clearer.

Karma

[MyOwnWoman]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Yeah... haven't I heard that a woman's 40s are the good years... when she begins to live for Her Self, discovering who she is and why. Okay, okay, I get it gals.
Looking back, I can see what the "20s" were, and what the "30s" were. Good god, I wouldn't want to do either decade again. I am at the beginning of "40s" (well, a couple years into it). I suppose I can define it at this point, rather than succumbing to "the shit it turned out to be", like I did the prior two - or, four - decades.

I am a single mom of moderate income in an affluent community... I guess comparing myself to my daughter's friends is part of what is getting to me. I don't know about their personal or emotional lives, but they have big beautiful homes, husbands, time to volunteer at school, they don;t have to work two jobs to pay the bills, they seem comfortable having conversations with each other (not to mention looking like they get weekly manicures and foot rubs)... and I imagine they did it all "right" and look down upon me. But maybe it's just me looking "down".

Cindi - you really got me with the talk of how to be with my daughter. I have let her be the boss, for the most part, because I'm so lacking in self-respect. How can I expect her to respect me?

[MyOwnWoman]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Karma - good thinking - to reflect on the lives of elders....

[Accountable for Me]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

I want you to know that things will get better. Now that you have 'dumped' what you needed, maybe you will find some cleansing of the soul? I think many of us are going through some pretty tough times. Don't know if we are coming or going. Or if this nightmare will ever end.

I know for me that being a solo person will suck for some part. But ... in the long run I think I will be better off. You are going through a rut right now. You will over come this, I know. Just try to keep focusing on the positive. :l I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I truly do believe this.

[beatle]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

MOW, glad you are feeling more optimistic. I wish I could have been one of the people who offered such great words of wisdom here, but unfortunately I am one of those in a rut as well, feeling every bit as depressed as you were, so just felt at a loss as to how to respond to your post. However, my heart is with you.

And thank you everyone here, this advice has also been very useful to me.

[satori]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

MOW,

The one thing I will add to the advice here is -

The past is in the past - and it can not hurt you - because you exist in the present.

Going over past events and things you considered "failures" in your past is a waste of your time and emotional energy - because it can not change anything.

I like the analogy of a tyre (tire?)

When you are driving along, the only bit of the tyre that can chage your direction and take you to your ultimate destination is the little bit in contact with road right NOW.

It is what you do every moment that is what governs your future.

Sure - plan for the future - but also realise that it is futile to worry about what the future will bring.
The future is not here yet - and depends on so many variables that you can not possibly predict how it will turn out.

So - make the plans - but just do what is needed in the present!

As another poster said - you do not need a man (or anyone else) to define yourself.

You - and everybody else - are perfect just the way we are - if we just allow ourselves to realise it!

Love :l

Satori

xxx

[Finding My Self]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Mow - I hope you're feeling a bit better today....

Satori - as ever, the wonderful words...I'm off to play with the bottom of the tyre...to much looking at the other bits of it going on!

Elderly folk - indeed! Especially the ones who admit it's hard and they 'haven't got it' either! I like it when someone of 85 says the first 50 years are the hardest! More than we younger ones, it gives me hope and release from striving....as in, to be like the elders who look at me as if I'm crazy and dumb and say why can't I see it.... I guess, of course. they are projecting their fear and inability to 'see' themselves onto me....hmmm! (I remember how much I learned from a, sadly long gone, couple now who were like 'Grandparents' to me....when they reached their 50th wedding anniversary i asked if it had all been plain sailing.... "Good grief no! We've had loads of spats...botrh have packed our bags and gone home to 'mum' on many an occasion...it's what happens in 50 years...." and I thought, yes, perhaps it's TV or journalists that 'teach' us that life should be a bed of roses every single moment.... (Hark at me!!) And with the lessening of pressure I stopped thinking I was the only one and enjoyed the ride more....(hark at me again!)

And the upper-hand with daughters....?!?! Help! Here too, it's good to realise that we're not cr*p mums if we have days when it's, shall we say, not going swimmingly!! As in, what days are those!?!? bringing up kids has to be the biggest, most demanding thing on everything obvious (time, money etc) but mostly on our reserves of self-esteem!! Yes, we might be meant to let them be themsleves and not 'own' their mistakes that they will inevitably make (true sadly!) but, crikey, is it hard!!! (Mine is 'In a Place' at the moment and my heart is bleeding a bit today....bit of teeth-gritting going on here too!)

I am glad for you that you have' here' to speak and have friendship....you most certainly don't come across as someone who is really scared and nervous of social situations....a wonderful, warm, caring, amusing, interesting person (and I mean that) and I hope that, with time, your confidence may grow and the world may benefit from her 'in real life'...YOU!

(I so know the feeling of being surrounded by 'successful' people!! Good on you for opening your eyes to other possibilities in their lives; things are certainly rarely what they seem! Yet it is hard to 'think ill' of folk isn't it?! Like, 'I bet they're miserable really' sounds so negative!! But if it help us to keep our perspective - they'll not know!!)

Good on you MWO...I am sorry the Citalopram put on weight for you....was it definitiely that? As in, I lost weight on it as did a couple of friends who were on it too.... I guess it's what it does to us; it gave me/them loads of energy so I 'did' more and more actively...??? If it had made me feel all 'chilled' I might have just sat and eaten chocolate!!! :H

I'll stop now - this is your thread!!!

Love and an big hug.
FMS xxx

[MyOwnWoman]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Beatle, I'm sorry you are down... I do hope that advice others offered me really is helpful for you too. Everyone's comments have me feeling lighter and more hopeful.

Satori, thank you. Love the tire analogy. I'm going to ruminate on that one today. It's where I am in the present that matters....

FMS - you're funny. And thanks for the words about citalopram. Actually, it may not have been the primary factor in the weight gain. I started taking it while in a difficult relationship (yet another!!). Before I started dating this guy I had an excellent diet. When I got with him I ate pasta and bread frequently - which I had not eaten much of in years. Hmmm...

I'm feeling better this morning. Thanks, friends.
:-)

[jane jane]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

MOW, hi for the second time today. You are one Helluva writer, girl! I'm serious! I do free-lance editing (at home, unfortunately, which is probably why my wine problem got so bad---how cool is it when your "office"/sunroom is steps away from the fridge? And honey, I "stepped" frequently.) Anyway, I read/correct many manuscripts for magazine publication, and I can tell you, you have a real gift for making your emotions come alive, conveying them to the reader. Do you imagine that's easy? It's RARE, and I strongly believe you should cultivate that. You say you "freelance" also---in what field? Sure hope it's writing-related.

Seems as if we're all about the same age in this thread, give or take a few years, and possibly part of our problem has been the inevitable sadness as the autumn of life approaches. So many things left undone, so "little" time left (or so we imagine.) Children growing up and away, eye-lids, boobs, and rear end that, er, don't quite "stay aloft" like they used to...needing READING GLASSES (my current "anguish.")

Be kind to yourself. Keep that visualization going, in which you and your daughter are loving and close. Girls of a certain age (I have two) are just plain DEMONS sometimes, but (ask any mom of a grown daughter) it really does get better. Every time. They grow up a bit, and one day they turn into the same considerate, funny, pleasant girls they were before hormones grabbed their teen brains!

Good advice about the slow gentle exercise. Beginner yoga, even just a few easy stretches, will do wonders. Best to you, friend...

[beatle]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

I am not MOW, but thank you again everyone for all the advice on this thread. I was a bit in a rut, but am feeling much more positive now, mostly thanks to this and several other threads I have read in the past 2 days.

katesm, your last post was so spot-on... I knew I proposed for a reason (or was it you?).

[MyOwnWoman]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

That was beautiful Kate, thank you. (But you'd better not let Lushy hear you referring to yourself as queen of the universe... even in jest!! lol)

Beatle, I'm glad you're feeling better. I am too, thanks to everyone here. I don't feel as lonely now, and my frame of mind is much better.

jane jane - Wow - thank you for the complements!! Most of my full-time job involves copywriting. The freelance work is editing for a local newspaper. But none of this work allows me to really Write, you know, from my guts. You remind me that ever since I was a kid all I ever wanted to do was write. The greatest highs I've ever known were when I was really Writing. The last time I was truly Writing I dislodged some awfully painful stuff inside and had to stop. That was a few years ago. Maybe it's time for me to Write again.
Thanks for the nudge!
(oh, and I had to get reading glasses last year. I told the doc, "I think my eyes are straining because I'm at a computer all day." He shook his head and pointed to my age on the charts and said, "THAT"S why your eyes are straining. You're aging." I coulda slugged him!)

[MyOwnWoman]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

Damn straight, Kate.

[Reenie]

Waking up to my self... sucks.

MyOwnWomen: First and foremost, you have friends here. Secondly, life might not have treated you kind, but you are only 42 and have a full and beautiful life ahead of you. Dig deep. You can do this. Take all the strength you have and focus on getting some AF days behind you. You can dig yourself out of this depression and get on with your life. Forget the past and just live one day at a time and to your fullest.