I thought it might be helpful if all of us who are starting, or starting over, this very day, keep an eye and an ear on each other. Sort of a community within a community? This is NOT, I hasten to stress, to be in any way "exclusive"---but I will be honest: I feel very much in need of people on my exact page. As inspired as I am by those who have been AF for 30-60-90-plus days, as much as I long to join those ranks (and plan to!) I feel a little (a lot) inadequate and ashamed in their presence!
I thought it might be fun to "meet" each morning from today until the day after Thanksgiving (Britishers, that's not to exclude you! It's just that, for us statesiders, Turkey Day is a BIG excuse to drink nouveau beaujolais and it's the day I most dread, as I gird up my loins for the weeks ahead.
So, if anyone's with me, let's start the first day of our VICTORY MARCH with a questionnaire. My answers will follow.
1) What, for you, made "today the day?"
2) When was this decision made?
3) How many AF days had you had before the last "slip'?
4) Was there a particular post recently, or something you read, that resonated with you, and gave you new determination?
5) Is your goal total abstinence or moderation?
6) What was the very scariest thing you ever did while drunk, that you really can't remember but were told about later?
7) What did you drink this weekend as your "goodbye-to-all-that" final fling? (Oh, yes, you did, too, or today wouldn't be your first day, right???)
8) Name a book/books whose alcoholic protagonist scared you.
9) Name a movie/movies whose lead character made you think about quitting?
10) What precipitated your last slip, and what plans do you have to fight it this time?
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1) I just got tired of feeling ashamed, and the difficult task of hiding/disposing of the wine bottle before my trusting husband arrived home was getting to be like a stressful part-time job! After our "Big Talk" in July, I was AF for about 7 weeks, then eased back into my large-bottle-of-Bella-Sera-du-jour habit. Mr. Jane never knew a thing, because he was not playing "cop"---that is the level of his faith in me, and it's really my love for him that has shamed me into becoming what he thinks I've been for the past 3 months!
2) This past Friday. I knew I had a big party on Saturday, so figured I'd let that be The End. Husband wasn't going because of a conflict, so I thought, nice chance to tipple unobserved (by him).
3) Around 50.
4) Whoever said: "Don't think of it was deprivation, but as a gift you give yourself"---something like that.
5) Moderation, I hope, but we'll see. Dangerous thinking for me!
6) Years ago, it was a beautiful starry spring night, and I decided (after my nice bottle) to go out to the pasture in the moonlight and take a bareback ride on my horse. We circled the field a time or two, and Jane the Crazy decided to kick him into a canter. After he took about 3 strides, I sailed right off into a huge oak tree. By all rights I should be dead of a broken neck!
7) I actually skipped the Saturday party. On Sunday my older daughter and I met at a lovely bistro and shared a really good pinot noir from Oregon---2 glasses each. I wanted to end on a happy note, not a miserable drunk one.
8) *Running with Scissors* and *Dry* by Augustine Burroughs (although he did drugs, too, never my thing.) And *Drinking: A Love Story* by the late Caroline Knapp.
9) *My Favorite Year* with Peter O'Toole. A comedy, oddly enough, but---oh, just rent it and you'll understand.
10) Plain ol' pride: I thought I had licked the enemy, but it was only lying patiently in wait. Also, I wanted to reward myself "just once" for being so good for so long. "Once" Ha ha. Sure, Jane! Plans: to keep coming here, and to keep Miss Bella Sera OUT of my fridge!
Best to all...
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