Hello to all you people on MWO. I have been here intermittently for about a year and a half. I posted mostly on the Alcohol in Moderation then the Abs boards. I have not been here in several months, mostly because I feel so embarassed and almost ashamed of my decision to go to treatment.
I decided to go to out patient treatment this past summer because no matter what I tried, I always returned to my 4 or so glasses of wine most evenings. I wanted to break out of this in the worst way.
About 2 weeks after this 4 week treament, I was notified by HR at the clinic I practice in that I would have to sign myself up for the state health care provider monitoring agency because of my "diagnosis" of "alcohol dependence." Despite the facts that I had absolutely no work consequences, no dwi, no consequences whatsoever (other than my own frustration with getting buzzed every night) I am being required to participate in this monitoring.
Monitoring includes: Random urine screens twice/month, I have to call the tox line every AM to see if my color has been called. Regular AA attendance with reports from a sponser that I have attended and stayed "sober" , psychiatrist evaluation, therapy visits at least 8 times/year, a work site monitor who reports I have my lipstick on straight (my feeble attempt at humor). All of this goes for THREE years or they will report me to the nursing board. I don't know what there is to report but I guess putting ones self into treatment necessitates a violation of the nurse practice act?!
I have tried my best to have a decent attitude about this but no matter what I can't maintain peace because it is so WRONG! I love being free of my wine cravings but living with this and the way it makes me feel is honestly worse. I truly would never have gone to treatment had I known I would be treated like a criminal. I thought it was a private matter, but there was/is nothing private about it. I don't know how I could have been so stupid/naive to think my going to treatment would stay private.
I have been in despair since the end of July when I found out what would be required of me. There are days I would give up my nursing license if I could afford to because this feels so demeaning. I have spoken to a few other nurses who I met at AA meetings who also had to do the monitoring program. All of them had stolen narcotics at the hospitals they worked.
Is there anyone else who is familiar with this? I know all professional organizations utilize such monitoring programs. After being involved in this program and attending AA, I truly don't even believe I am alcohol dependent because I fit none of the criteria except and inability to stop drinking alcohol. I obviously had a problem and am truly grateful I am not drinking anymore. After treatment, I had an inablitiy to stop eating hot fudge sundaes! Then it struck me that ice cream had become just like wine! Ahhh! With that recognition came freedom from the ice cream too!
While I was researching this issue, I found this story about an attorney and what she went through I was concerned about my alcohol consumption, and now I am forced into treatment. What do I do?
Anyway......hugs to all here on mwo.
Maggie
I decided to go to out patient treatment this past summer because no matter what I tried, I always returned to my 4 or so glasses of wine most evenings. I wanted to break out of this in the worst way.
About 2 weeks after this 4 week treament, I was notified by HR at the clinic I practice in that I would have to sign myself up for the state health care provider monitoring agency because of my "diagnosis" of "alcohol dependence." Despite the facts that I had absolutely no work consequences, no dwi, no consequences whatsoever (other than my own frustration with getting buzzed every night) I am being required to participate in this monitoring.
Monitoring includes: Random urine screens twice/month, I have to call the tox line every AM to see if my color has been called. Regular AA attendance with reports from a sponser that I have attended and stayed "sober" , psychiatrist evaluation, therapy visits at least 8 times/year, a work site monitor who reports I have my lipstick on straight (my feeble attempt at humor). All of this goes for THREE years or they will report me to the nursing board. I don't know what there is to report but I guess putting ones self into treatment necessitates a violation of the nurse practice act?!
I have tried my best to have a decent attitude about this but no matter what I can't maintain peace because it is so WRONG! I love being free of my wine cravings but living with this and the way it makes me feel is honestly worse. I truly would never have gone to treatment had I known I would be treated like a criminal. I thought it was a private matter, but there was/is nothing private about it. I don't know how I could have been so stupid/naive to think my going to treatment would stay private.
I have been in despair since the end of July when I found out what would be required of me. There are days I would give up my nursing license if I could afford to because this feels so demeaning. I have spoken to a few other nurses who I met at AA meetings who also had to do the monitoring program. All of them had stolen narcotics at the hospitals they worked.
Is there anyone else who is familiar with this? I know all professional organizations utilize such monitoring programs. After being involved in this program and attending AA, I truly don't even believe I am alcohol dependent because I fit none of the criteria except and inability to stop drinking alcohol. I obviously had a problem and am truly grateful I am not drinking anymore. After treatment, I had an inablitiy to stop eating hot fudge sundaes! Then it struck me that ice cream had become just like wine! Ahhh! With that recognition came freedom from the ice cream too!
While I was researching this issue, I found this story about an attorney and what she went through I was concerned about my alcohol consumption, and now I am forced into treatment. What do I do?
Anyway......hugs to all here on mwo.
Maggie
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