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The morning after....

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    #1

    The morning after....

    Hi everyone! I have been coming to this site for many months now, and it was the very beginning of my moving into a recovery "type" of phase. As we all know to move from step to another can be difficult with many setbacks. Thank you for this site, that I continue to use for support. I feel so terrible today, so very guilty and because I am not sharing this with anyone in my life, just need to get this off my chest so I can move on with my goal of AF.

    For the first time, in many many years, I was able to go one week AF just last week. After reviewing a post of how many beers or drinks we have, and to actually imagine them lined up one by one, is what finally got my attention. I started placing beans in a glass, for each beer I did not have, that I normally would have. (This would be around 8-15 most evenings. How the hell we can function is amazing. At last check I was shocked by the amount of beans representing beers, I could pour out in my hand. All the poison. But now...again am slipping. Slowly at first, not nearly what I was used to drinking, just a few nights. But wham....

    Last night I'm drinking a few beers having a most wonderful time by myself watching a movie and being "normal". I did not have my son this weekend, so I glanced up at the clock and its 10 pm, in my mind...and getting rather tipsy, thinking wow, the bar will open until 2!!! Stupid stupid stupid!!!!! Why???? I get to bar, just tipsy, able to drive very safely, and have what I though was a great time. Sang kareoke, got lots of attention and continued to slam the beers. Somehow was invited to sit and hang out with an older group of college "kids". For being 40 I guess i was a bit flattered, how sad...to be flattered by getting drunk with others. They invited me somewhere, bar was closing...and hell i went!!!

    I loaded into their pickup and they took off driving. I guess I had enough sense about me at some point to realize that the driver and everyone else taking shots out of a gallon bottle of whiskey. Stuck in a vehicle with a bunch of strangers. To make a long story short, I fell, hurt my elbow pretty bad (didnt realize that until this morning). Do not remember driving home after I finally got back to my car...ran outside upon wakening to make sure i had not wrecked or something. I have a wonderful family, a good job, and a wonderful lover. I ended up having to cancel an appointment today for a part time job I have. My daughter called today wanting to shop, there is no way I can. I am grateful I am not dead right now, I am grateful I did not kill someone last night driving...I am grateful my car is in one piece, and I am grateful that my children did not see this. Thank you God for taking care of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So AF here I come again, and I mean it this time. This is absolutely ridiculous. I am angry...I hate alcohol....I hate it I hate it I hate it, and I will no longer be controlled or put my life in danger. Thank you for letting me vent, I am so ashamed.

    I know it would a negative thread...but would anyone care to share their worst "morning afters"????
    Tags: None
    #2
    The morning after....

    Good for you that you got in that one week AF, and how fortunate for you too. Because now you KNOW you CAN do it. You have that week to give you confidence. And you have last night to motivate you. And you have THIS DAY (which, as you say, you are lucky to have) to reclaim your life.

    Sorry, but I can't bear to think of 'morning after' stories. It seems like ancient history now and I sure as hell don't want to revisit it.
    FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

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      #3
      The morning after....

      MyOwnWoman...i wonder how many of us has sat here on this board and released hidden tears and emotion. Thank you for your response, that was exactly what I needed and wanted to hear, hope...hope for today, hope for the future. The tears have just been allowed to flow, thank you again.

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        #4
        The morning after....

        Hi Wildflower-
        My guess is that there are at least as many "morning after" stories as there are members here. We all have them. And a lot of scary ones. Me too. Blackouts, indiscretions, DUI's , fights, mysterious injuries - hell, all of it. Terrifying stuff. And why drinking leads one night to what you experienced last night, and another night to no harm at all - well, the unpredictability is so dangerous! You never know, eh? YIKES!!!!

        Anyway - what a good thing that you found this site and were already set to work on the drinking before this happened. I agree with MOW - add it to your resolve and put it behind you - you don't ever have to have a night like that again! And glad you got it off your chest here - good idea!!!! Well done! and on to the future......

        Wonder xx

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          #5
          The morning after....

          I hate to revisit my mornings after.. like, hmmm, the morning I woke up in jail. Well I do remember the whole evening and the events leading up to it and did not sleep at all that night. It was not a dui.. thank god. But I shudder thinking about it - so on with positive things in my life and yours!

          Nights like last night happen and all you can do is use that memory to prevent it from happening again. Congratulations on being AF for the whole week! That is a huge step.

          I haven't read the beans in glass theory. I might try that. I've been successful at limiting how often I drink, but I noticed that when I drink - I guzzle. So this week in my hypnotic tapes I am using the suggestions to "sip and not slurp", "I can drink slowly". I went out on friday and found myself reaching for water. I had 5 beers in 6 hours and was happy with that and also found that when I got home I didn't have to have a "night cap" like I sometimes do. I'm finding that setting very specific (and workable) goals each week is helping me.

          Are you taking the supps or listening to the cds? They are VERY helpful!!

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            #6
            The morning after....

            Wildflower - welcome. I am glad you are safe. I am glad you are here. I am very glad the tears are flowing to heal and cleanse.

            I, too, have many a tale I wish to leave behind me....but I am with you on your journey. You're not alone and you can do this....

            Hugs
            FMSxxxx
            :heart: c: :heart:
            "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

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              #7
              The morning after....

              Posted twice....!
              :heart: c: :heart:
              "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

              Comment

                #8
                The morning after....

                Oh I know too well how you feel

                Hi Wildflower, thank God you?re safe. I too have many terrible mornings after and don?t want to revisit them. Not even feeling confident that I am strong enough not to have another. Alcohol makes us take incredible risks and like you I hate it, hate it, hate it. For some the thought of never taking a drink for the rest of their life too awful to contemplate but for me I would love to be AF for life. Nothing feels as good as waking up sober.
                :nutso:

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                  #9
                  The morning after....

                  I'm simply speechless....for the undestanding that only we can understand, for the comments that somehow reach the struggling soul to fill it with hope for the future, the strength in others who have been there, to let the past go and move on. I could say thank you a hundred times and it would not be enough. I felt so alone, so lost today....and I don't feel alone anymore. Amazing....I've never been to an AA meeting, do not plan on going, but I assure you this board has done more for me (even though I was unintroduced), than anyone or anything has every done related to this disease.

                  Scorpio, I'm not any supps, some medication though that has helped the cravings. I really do need to invest in some CD's. I've been purchasing self-help books (that are on sale at Hastings right now for 99 cents, lol). It's funny, all the things a person used to enjoy, like reading or going outside or shopping or socializing, seems to end when a person gets caught up in drinking. Slowly but surely finding those things again.

                  And for all of you...like me, who have put yourself in dangerous risky situations....so very glad you are still here. Have recently read on the news so many horror stories related to alcohol, peoples life ending either by death or jail, in one simple stupid alcohol filled night. Here's to the future...and no more nights like that.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    The morning after....

                    I'm so glad you found this site Wildflower! It is a place of strength and relatedness. The day after I was in jail was the worse day of my life. I was hungover and sad and I hated myself and felt so alone. I had to go to court ordered classes and relive that night each week for seven months. The sad thing is that I started drinking even more after that night to deal with the pain and depression I was going through. One of the last classes I had to take was an alcohol awareness class, it was during that class that I realized I had a problem and found MWO. My life has started to change so much since then.

                    Like you said - we don't realize that we are missing out on the normal things in life we use to do. I'm enjoying them again and loving life. I feel emotionally stable for the first time in a long time.

                    Please just keep coming back. I love the cds and really think they will help you out. In fact right now I'm getting ready to listen. I'm having a little bit of a craving for a glass of wine right now - so I'm popping in a cd

                    Take care and have a great evening!!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      The morning after....

                      Never in a million years do I want to be anything here but a positive. But my experience has been consistent in one area with me and with all those I personally know who have alcohol issues.

                      Two words that make my tummy turn come to mind during this thread. Rock Bottom. Let me rewind a tiny bit.

                      I can't tell you how many times I've personally lived through similar experiences like the one that started this thread. The "morning after wake-up call". I'll never do it again. I hate alcohol. Thank you God. I can't believe I made it home without a scratch. I have no idea what happened, but I'm here. Thank you God. I'll never, ever do it again. This time I learned.

                      I wish it wasn't true for me, but every time a little time passed and the horror and fear of the night before had diminished, I exhibited even more stupid and careless behaviour.

                      It was a given that I wasn't going to learn until I hit my rock bottom.

                      And though it really sucks when that happens, there is no more heavenly feeling on earth than losing the weight of that other shoe that you're forever waiting to drop.

                      That, for me, has been the greatest gift of sobriety. The weighlessness.
                      Admitting you're an a-hole is the first step

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                        #12
                        The morning after....

                        If you can be that honest and see the truth as what it is, that means you are very able to move on to the next level.
                        Sometimes it's really difficult and it seems like it won;t ever happen, but if you stick with it, it works.
                        Trix
                        You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

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