What it's like!

[Mackeral]

It was Lisa and mines 15 years anniversarry last night...And i ruined it...I drank 6 cans of cider and then a bottle of red...Our youngest was still awake at 11pm so i took it on myself to take him to bed...I fell asleep myself..
I woke up this morning in bed fully dressed and could'nt remember last night.Or how or why i was waking up with my glasses on..I had to ask lisa this morning what had happened..She was gracious and polite as always...but i know i really upset her...That girl should have kicked me into touch years ago.

Lisa has always said she wished she could understand what it was like...Why or how i could put beer before her..the kids...anything..

I think i hit the nail on the head tonight..

To me its like always being hungry...And no matter how much you eat your never full...Almost like instinct...I feel that way about Lisa and the kids...They are like air to me..I need em badley...I miss them when i work...I just want to be at home with them..I feel like im missing out..

I have had a few tonight also but Lisa is upstairs getting our baby to sleep...I am just snatching a few secs to let some shit out...But when she comes down i need to give my girl a cuddle...I just wish i could promise her a better future..

[Guest]

What it's like!

Hi Mack,
None of us can promise anything, other than that we will try our best. You`re still here Mack, still trying........you`ll get there, because in your heart of hearts, you know what you REALLY want.

Much love,

Starlight Impress x

[southernbelle47]

What it's like!

Mack....
You and Lisa know I love you...both....but ..think about this for a minute..
Count how many times you said "I" in your post.
Now count how many times you said "Lisa" or "kids"......

Mack they need you to be sober and step up and be a husband and father and provider for them.

The "hunger" you feel is not in your belly.....it is in your spirit...feed your spirit and then you will be able to be all that you were made to be...

You're a good man...and Lisa is a good woman...there is so much potential
there...

You are all in my prayers.
:h Love,
Nancy

[what]

What it's like!

I think what we should all stop doing is giving each other an easy time of this!!

[Victory]

What it's like!

Dont give in

Dear What, there is no easy time in the early days of attaining sobriety. Most have enormous guilt loads and are not kind to ourselves at all. A little bit of kindness goes a long way as increased guilt usually leads to increased drinking. Mackeral you are lucky to have such an understanding wife, just don?t give up and let the booze demon win by stealing your health, life and loved ones away from you.
:thumbs:

[lushy]

What it's like!

Macks, do you remember what is was that kept you sober for so long before? Were you doing something different, thinking something different? Try and go back to that mindset if you can, because I remember you had a slew of AF days. Your family loves you and you need to be building happy memories for everyone, including yourself. You did it before and you can do it again.....Love to you and Lisa.

[tawnyfrog]

What it's like!

OK Macks ... I believe we've been mates since the first day you joined and you know I'm very fond of you.

Having said that ... this time I'm going to give you a right royal b*llocking. I'll do it via PM, if you don't mind.

[Breez]

What it's like!

Hey Mack~

I can relate. Hubby used to always say to me "why do you put alcohol before us knowing it will hurt us-don't those thoughts enter your brain when you go to the package store?". Honestly-no. I was selfish. Plain & simple. I thought of no one else but myself. My instant gratfication. My time to numb. My booze.

Then those times when I was hung over from hell hubby would say "why do you do this to yourself? It's like you put your finger in the electric socket, get zapped & learn nothing from it. You just keep sticking your finger in the socket & keep getting zapped-over & over".

Well I took those words to heart. I hated seeing those disappointed looks. I hated being known to be selfish-I'm a mom who loved her kids more than life yet I chose booze over them. I got tired of putting my finger in that socket. I drew from within-I wanted a change.

Things look bleak right now but you can change things around. Lisa is not giving up on you , neither should you. Mack-you did it before, you can do it again. We're behind you all the way!


p.s. What~Mack has been a dear member here for a long time & helped me tremendously in the beginning of my AF journey. He welcomed me with open arms when I first started here-we are returning the favor. He has a history here of being a sweet, gentle, friendly, helpful soul.

[YoungAtHeart]

What it's like!

Macks, what made you stop drinking the first time? Are you going to have to go back there to stop again, or can you remember how bad it got and say "NO MORE!" so that you can stop before it gets so bad again? I hope it is the latter.

Drinking just numbs the hunger, but it doesn't make it go away. We have to find other ways to fill it besides drinking. For some it is faith or other forms of spirituality, for others it is a deeper understanding of self and finding meaning in life, even when life is hard. We must find a way to love and honor ourselves, even when we don't like how we have behaved.

I will leave the butt-kicking to Tawny, as I know she will do it with her usual style, and I add my support to anything she says privately.

You have my endless support luv, as well as does your lovely Lisa. You can learn to deal with the hunger.

Love,:heart:
Kathy

[Mackeral]

What it's like!

Last year i think i managed 12 or 13 weeks...The platform to achiving that was 12 days in a secure detox unit...The unit isnt there anymore and even if it was i very much doubt i could do it again anyway..
I am just gonna try again tonight...Use this site ...I have football tonight aswell which is a good distraction...Thanks for your support again...It does help as you all know.

[satori]

What it's like!

Mackeral;226128 wrote: ...I just wish i could promise her a better future..

Macks old buddy, wishes just aint gonna cut it.......

You have been here for a long time - you KNOW what needs to be done.
Wishes are a cop out.
YOU need to take control!

Time to "do a Nike"!
JUST DO IT!

I will be here - as will all the rest of us - to help.


Satori

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

What it's like!

Hi Macks

I don't post very often any more, I am doing okay ( I think!) but I do often think of you and your lovely family and Lisa being so supportive all this time. So although this is an "older" thread I just had to reply quickly to say that I hope things are getting a wee bit better and like all the other wise heads before me have already said, the fact that you keep trying is very positive. But Satori is right of course, we need to buckle down and just do it - easier said than done, but you have so much to gain from continuing the fight and doubling your efforts. Sorry, said it was a quick reply and rambled on yet again!
Good luck Macks
xxx