The truth..from Roberta

[Flip]

A few weeks ago Rob organised a 'seminar' in Monthly Abs...some long term abstainers gave some words of wisdom to those starting out.... one of the questions was...

5. What was your biggest obstacle to remaining AF?

This is what RJ had to say

Old habits, old thinking. I believe it?s much less difficult to live AF if you truly see yourself as a healthy non-drinker--compared to someone who is struggling with abstinence from alcohol. There is a huge distinction.

As someone who is VERY close to celebrating 1 year AF, these are words of truth. I had a HUGE turnaround at the 6 month mark when I realised that I considered myself a noN-drinker, not someone who was noT drinking (in the same way someone is a non-smoker as opposed to someone who is not smoking).

You can't rush this process, it will come when you are ready, but be assured that it will come if you keep working at it.

F.

[meditation mama]

The truth..from Roberta

Thanks, Flip! ALso thank you again for your post in the Seminar. It was very inspiring.

You rock!

MM

[magic]

The truth..from Roberta

Yes, This is the Truth

I have been sober for a little over 3 years.

I do not drink. Just like the hundreds of thousands of other people who do not drink alcohol. Millions, gazillions.

I do not miss it one bit.

There is no alcohol in the house. If it is offered to me I politely refuse, no explanation required. I do not drink.

Getting to this point wasn't easy, as Flip says, but it can be done.

You can do it too. I know you can.

magic xx

[Prest4time]

The truth..from Roberta

I couldnt agree more. Although I am not AF yet, I know that the battle lies in my mind and in my thinking. My thinking is changing.

Every battle with addiction is either lost or won in the mind.

[july232007]

The truth..from Roberta

I agree.

And thanks to Rob for getting the seminars started. Magic you are another success, another reason to stay the course AF.

July

[Finding My Self]

The truth..from Roberta

Me too! When I thought of myself as 'a person who had a problem with drink' - I felt so sh*t about myself, I drank crazily.

Now, I see myself as 'Me'...drink doesn't come into it, I don't feel guilty any more...ergo, I don't drink more than the occasional half a small glass.* Daft it might be but....

...Phew! It is such a relief!

(* I am very lucky - I thank God every day!)

Thank you RJ - and everybody.

[Guest]

The truth..from Roberta

Yes, I think you`ve hit the nail on the head, Flip. At almost 4 mths. sober, I am not yet a non-drinker in my head.........I am still just a person who is not drinking and there are still nights when I think how lovely it would be to have some wine.

I don`t really feel threatened by this, as I am so determined not to drink.......I find the greatest deterrent is to think back to how I was and how my life was before I quit and knowing that I never want to live like that again.

I term it romantic illusion about wine........occasionally the "wouldn`t it be lovely" thought haunts me. Am looking forward to the time when I begin to see myself as a non-drinker. That is the point where I think we get stronger and I am very much aware that I haven`t yet identified with being a non-drinker. It`s an enormous transition to make........I continue to be someone who just doesn`t drink.

Starlight Impress x

[hippie37]

The truth..from Roberta

I'm just a little over 5 months sober and I have to agree with FMS and magic.

I know for a fact I cannot moderate my drinking and for me to pick up a drink would lead me straight back into oblivion. With recognising this quite early in my sobriety and from my experiences over the last 10 years around drink I have managed to look at my whole approach this time differently. I'm not in recovery as most AAers would have me believe but I am an alcoholic. There is no two ways about it. I know there is a lot of stigma attached to this label for a lot of people but that's what I am. I'm comfortable in knowing this and so I don't drink. But I'm not alway worrying about alcohol and I know in my own head I've moved on or away from it. It has taken me these 5 months to grow away from it but I have done that with the acceptance and I don't even think about the 'what ifs' or 'buts'. I don't even look for substitutes for alcohol anymore. I did in the beginning when the cravings were bad but I think that is just normal behaviour to combat cravings.

The idea of being constantly having to look over my shoulder, as it where, seems to hold its roots in AA philosophy and although I still do have some moments of weakness, I know these will disappear in time as I grow further away from it.

MWO and other rational programs work because they don't keep the individual locked in the way of thinking that we have a problem for life. Yes we have a problem but if we face that and work hard at becoming sober we can move on with our lives.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[satori]

The truth..from Roberta

I am with SI here - I am just over 4 months AF too and am not yet at the stage of considering myself a non-drinker.
I do not really have any romantic ideas about being able to drink normally some time in the future - coz I an pretty certain that I will NEVER be able to do that.

But - I still have the odd craving for alcohol and still occasionally feel a pang of "loss" for the taste of a cold beer.
(Strangely - this feeling of "loss" always is accompanied by a feeling of "disgust" at the thought of drinking beer again.
I seem to experience BOTH emotions simultaneously - weird!)

I do not feel in danger of any imminent relapse - coz I too am determined not to go back "there".

I too look forward to that second "switch" being thrown in my brain!

Also - A thought came to me last night.
I wonder if some of the long term absters would like to comment?

I am at a transition point between the "high" of being AF and enjoying the "new" life that brings, and the point at which that new AF life is just "normal" for me.
ie - the honeymoon period of making the change to AF is probably coming to an end - this is now my "normal" life.

Does this phase bring any challenges?

ie Knowing how we humans are always seeking excitement or distraction from "normality" - does this nice shiny new AF life become "boring" BECAUSE it is normal?

And - if so - does this lead to

a) a temptation to drink again because, in the past - that was "normal"
or
b) A temptation to drink in some misguided attempt to "spice up" the now normal life (despite intellectually knowing that that would be a real dumb thing to do).

Anyone care to comment?

Just want to be forewarned / forearmed just in case!

Sorry - turned into a "War and Peace" post again!

Love

satori
xxx

[happydog]

The truth..from Roberta

Thanks Flip, just got to keep working at it. Like prest4time it lies in the mind. maybe its a mind over matter thing.

Love
Teardrop.x

[Accountable for Me]

The truth..from Roberta

I can't agree with you or RJ more, Flip. IT is the way you look at it. And like Magic said, being a non-drinker isn't a faux pas anymore either. There are so many people in this world that don't drink even though they don't have a problem with it.

Thanks for the post Flip. I think it will help people big time in their ways of thinking, especially in a social setting.

[Gumby]

The truth..from Roberta

Satori, funny you mention it I was contemplating this very thought last night, I am still struggling, waiting for the 'SWITCH" to turn on. I came to the conclusion that my mind is still wanting to hold on to my inner child, the adventure seeker, the rebellious teenager not wanting to conform. I am affraid to let go of what I know...why ? I don't know...creatures of habit I guess. I am maturing, it is natural but my mind says don't let go, you will sumbit to the dull boring life.... sitting around reading books, watching TV etc. This is exactly what I need. I know this and I feel it is just right there, just out side my reach but soon attainable.....soon I hope my thoughts will change and I will see the light or the switch will go on or however it is that we relate to NOT drinking.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

The truth..from Roberta

Satori, what do you think now?

satori;227885 wrote: I am with SI here - I am just over 4 months AF too and am not yet at the stage of considering myself a non-drinker.
I do not really have any romantic ideas about being able to drink normally some time in the future - coz I an pretty certain that I will NEVER be able to do that.

But - I still have the odd craving for alcohol and still occasionally feel a pang of "loss" for the taste of a cold beer.
(Strangely - this feeling of "loss" always is accompanied by a feeling of "disgust" at the thought of drinking beer again.
I seem to experience BOTH emotions simultaneously - weird!)

I do not feel in danger of any imminent relapse - coz I too am determined not to go back "there".

I too look forward to that second "switch" being thrown in my brain!

Also - A thought came to me last night.
I wonder if some of the long term absters would like to comment?

I am at a transition point between the "high" of being AF and enjoying the "new" life that brings, and the point at which that new AF life is just "normal" for me.
ie - the honeymoon period of making the change to AF is probably coming to an end - this is now my "normal" life.

Does this phase bring any challenges?

ie Knowing how we humans are always seeking excitement or distraction from "normality" - does this nice shiny new AF life become "boring" BECAUSE it is normal?

And - if so - does this lead to

a) a temptation to drink again because, in the past - that was "normal"
or
b) A temptation to drink in some misguided attempt to "spice up" the now normal life (despite intellectually knowing that that would be a real dumb thing to do).

Anyone care to comment?

Just want to be forewarned / forearmed just in case!

Sorry - turned into a "War and Peace" post again!

Love

satori
xxx

Satori- I just found this post from you, and I wondered ~ now that you've been AF for 6 months.... how would you answer your own questions? Has the switch in your brain switched? I'd love to hear about your journey; hopefully, I'll be in your shoes someday....

[Thankful]

The truth..from Roberta

This is a great thread. Thank you for resurrecting it, Not Happy!

I await the answers as well, Yoda!

Love, Me
:l

[Mags]

The truth..from Roberta

OOOOPS My name isn't Satori. But can I reply anyhow?

I am a long term abber. AF for almost three years. Only just recently do I feel like I may be turning that corner for good from one who feels that she is an alcoholic who is always just saying no to wanting a drink to one that truly and deeply doesn't have a place for alcohol anymore in my life. I don't care. I don't miss it anymore. That is only very recent for me.

Yes, it took me this many years to be able to say that. Sad, isn't it.

Recovering from alcoholism is a lifelong process. It only starts with quitting drinking. That is the most crucial and maybe the hardest first step, but it then goes on from there. I want to say that it is a totally joyous process - strange but terribly liberating.

So many ties must be broken. Ties to what you thought was your best friend - now you have to rely on yourself - no more escape into the bottle. Now you have to deal with real relationships again - ones you had been drinking to avoid- ones that you were afraid of being honest with. Ones you are now afraid of now that you are sober. Ones that you have to slowly reunderstand - and guess what - usually you find there was nothing to be afraid of. You were only afraid of yourself.

And then there is that looking yourself in the mirror thing. It was so much easier when you were drunk. Now you're not. Oh my gosh, how did my face get so wrinkled? Where did those dark circles come from? Reality 101. that can be depressing at first but gets so much better with time sober. You look and feel better every day. It is worth it.

I'm getting off topic. It is that looking yourself in the mirror thing and knowing who you are. It used to be gut strength - to just say white knuckle it today and don't drink. At some point it is not even something you care about. You know who you are now finally. You are just not a drinker and you just don't care.

Why? Why did this change in attitude take place in me after so many years of fighting the beast and always feeling like I was about to lose? I'm not entirely sure. I honestly think some of it is that I started to take the right supplements and get my brain chemicals back in balance. I really do believe that - thanks to RJ for helping me out with that - she is the best. I also think that these things just take time for a really hard core long term drinker like me, things may take time. Patience and time are always good things. Laura Nyro said "Nothing cures like time and love."

I say to everyone be patient with yourselves. Be forgiving of yourselves. And be tough on yourselves.

I know I wasn't asked for it, but that's my 2 cents worth.