Haven't written here for ages. Only recently logged back in. Crazy busy with graphics and a whole new chapter, when a long standing client asked me to film all over Tanzania rather than just photograph. I (rightfully) argued that still photography is a separate world to commercial video but it would seem that my honest decline was unacceptable and I got roped into the job. It goes without saying I LOVED the new assignment, which is now in the second stage of three. A great increase in income and I've really taken to it. Fate works in mysterious ways and I am eternally grateful for that.
I'm working round a schedule with my maturnal mum; whoes dying of cancer, now living with me in Tanzania. I have seen the changes from a women who came weak to Tanzania but could still walk to my varandah and sit and look over my big (bush) garden, to a Mum that is still mentally allert but suffering tremendously. Now bed bound she still desparately wants to look at my photos and what I am doing, so I often take my mac lap and sit and edit my stuff from her bed. She is a magic critic. I have a new exhibition coming up early next month and Flis (short for Felicity ~ my maturnal Mum) has seen each picture and I've loved our interaction and her solid advice.
I love Felicity very, very much.... and have never faultered in helping her when I can. She in turn has helped me during my adult life and above all is responsible for me being in this life (well except for the drugs to aborb and the blur.....blur......blur). I say 'blur...blur...blur' for one reason. Felicity, my natural mum is not totally responsible for the hassels that followed shortly after my birth. I, thank the Lord was born a naturally happy person, who loved my Dad and Step Mum and I have absolutely no grudges what so ever towards Flis.
We've had a relatively great time since Flis arrived. A few times Flis'es selfish and nausty side has reared its evil head and frigtened the hell out of me but I've handled it in a roundabout way. The most important thing is that Flis feels safe and that she can be helped thru this awful time. I can so relate to her and from a long time ago know the mistakes she made and I've avoided most of them all my life.
At the moment I have to limit the days I go into the bush to 3 or 4 days (minimum) per time photographing. I have to limit the days because I am scared stiff that Felicity may die whilst I am away. Paying for a live in nurse is not good enough, I genuinely want to be there ~ but if I don't make a living everything is buggered. I am often speeding to the furtherest part of the Serengeti or where-ever just to get the shots I'm paid for, before turing round to get home to Arusha where I live and where Felicity is.
It is strange discribing this to you all. Probably a lot of you think I have an exceptional life (which could actually be relative under normal circumstances), so many of us have a rather lovely life but for the tests that God and his angels decide we must face.
On a final note. I joined this site because I knew, and had family that believed that I was (for all my faults........ and there are many) that I AM a genuine, good person. I am however further away from being 'TEE TOTAL' than ever before.
I'm sitting having a large vodka and orange as I type. I do however believe that I have a destiny and I do love and want to do the best for my maturnal mother Flis (Felicity), even though she is not the women who brought me up and actually showed me what life is about.
I still desparately want to give up booze. I know that these are tests. I also believe within my soul that my alcoholic problem is not something that can be blamed on my parents or further back. I must deal with this. This is my life test. I read the signs and know what I must do. Just need a BIG push that in reality I know must come from within.
I will stop on that note.
Love you all going thru this Hell Battle ~ with whispers from East Africa. XXX
I'm working round a schedule with my maturnal mum; whoes dying of cancer, now living with me in Tanzania. I have seen the changes from a women who came weak to Tanzania but could still walk to my varandah and sit and look over my big (bush) garden, to a Mum that is still mentally allert but suffering tremendously. Now bed bound she still desparately wants to look at my photos and what I am doing, so I often take my mac lap and sit and edit my stuff from her bed. She is a magic critic. I have a new exhibition coming up early next month and Flis (short for Felicity ~ my maturnal Mum) has seen each picture and I've loved our interaction and her solid advice.
I love Felicity very, very much.... and have never faultered in helping her when I can. She in turn has helped me during my adult life and above all is responsible for me being in this life (well except for the drugs to aborb and the blur.....blur......blur). I say 'blur...blur...blur' for one reason. Felicity, my natural mum is not totally responsible for the hassels that followed shortly after my birth. I, thank the Lord was born a naturally happy person, who loved my Dad and Step Mum and I have absolutely no grudges what so ever towards Flis.
We've had a relatively great time since Flis arrived. A few times Flis'es selfish and nausty side has reared its evil head and frigtened the hell out of me but I've handled it in a roundabout way. The most important thing is that Flis feels safe and that she can be helped thru this awful time. I can so relate to her and from a long time ago know the mistakes she made and I've avoided most of them all my life.
At the moment I have to limit the days I go into the bush to 3 or 4 days (minimum) per time photographing. I have to limit the days because I am scared stiff that Felicity may die whilst I am away. Paying for a live in nurse is not good enough, I genuinely want to be there ~ but if I don't make a living everything is buggered. I am often speeding to the furtherest part of the Serengeti or where-ever just to get the shots I'm paid for, before turing round to get home to Arusha where I live and where Felicity is.
It is strange discribing this to you all. Probably a lot of you think I have an exceptional life (which could actually be relative under normal circumstances), so many of us have a rather lovely life but for the tests that God and his angels decide we must face.
On a final note. I joined this site because I knew, and had family that believed that I was (for all my faults........ and there are many) that I AM a genuine, good person. I am however further away from being 'TEE TOTAL' than ever before.
I'm sitting having a large vodka and orange as I type. I do however believe that I have a destiny and I do love and want to do the best for my maturnal mother Flis (Felicity), even though she is not the women who brought me up and actually showed me what life is about.
I still desparately want to give up booze. I know that these are tests. I also believe within my soul that my alcoholic problem is not something that can be blamed on my parents or further back. I must deal with this. This is my life test. I read the signs and know what I must do. Just need a BIG push that in reality I know must come from within.
I will stop on that note.
Love you all going thru this Hell Battle ~ with whispers from East Africa. XXX
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