(dont comment on my spelling mistakes im dyselixc)
. everyone has thier own problems for drinking , for me its always been to fill some sort of vacum inside of me . thier has been other threads about AA here ihave been to a lot of meetings but for that particular organization it was just a mish mash of guilt and sin . and like someone told me when i went to a meeting " oh youve got the disease" youll be safe with us .... why go from one crutch to another ?
im not going going to spend the rest of my life continually recycling how many days i ve been sober then welcome a new member in a egotistical fashion .
. ive been to smaller community groups i found thier people were more genuine
,, yet i never realted to them
wether this is because i assumed a elitist bravado i dont know , tho one guy i had a friendship died this time last year of a fit in bed
but all this is going off the beaten track
i drink ( tho its got a lot better) ......
to fill a void , yet this void cant not be filled with ie . losing myself in a realtionship , money. posessions or some religious or political ideal ..
so what is left ? .
just myself . and trying to dissolve this "I" . ie a state of self of self concoiusness that perpatuates my own tradegy , as zen says ......."throw away your mind"
ie just let be . guess the beatles wrote about that
prehaps im just a symptom of the age i live in , i used to be a existentialist until i discovered that was just a philosphy of crisis and living with absurdity
we all have the solutions to our problems . ive finally found mine
..transcendance
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