Honesty

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

It seems like everyone here is either new or basically successfull in not abusing alcohol. I'm kind of feeling like a loser and then I'm wondering if that is because I am the only one here being totally honest?? I really don't know, just a thought.

If I were not having a daily "issue/struggle" I would probably not be here. I just feel like you all are doing so much better than I am. I'm a happy drunk so basically no complaints from friends & family but I still hold myself accountable just for my own personal health, etc. I don't want to be a "pity party" member but gosh you guys all seem to be without screw ups....daayam, I don't want to weigh you down with my regualar screw ups!

[beatle]

Honesty

Dearest Drenched, I don't agree at all. I think a lot of people are doing better, some few are very successful (and thank goodness for them or there would be no hope for someone like me who has been struggling for years) and many come here to share their "failures", and get a good round of support-- ("today is a new day, pick yourslef up, look forward not back," etc.)... This particular forum is "General Discussion", so a lot is posted about more general things, often not related to alcohol even.

If you feel like you need more company from people in the beginning stages of their struggle, I guess "Just Starting Out" might be better. I am a regular on both forums, though as my alcohol problem has slowly improved, I find myself more on this forum. In earlier days, I was mostly on the Just Starting Out forum. But even on here, there are constantly people coming to "confess" and get help.

As for honesty, I don't know what the point of coming here would be if we weren't honest. I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it, to be able to get help but be anonymous-- If we came and lied, what is the reason for coming?

And you must not worry about weighing people down here. That is also the point, to have a place where you CAN "confess" (and be honest) and get support, advice, or just commiseration.

I think you know all this already, Drenched. You must be just having a bad day. That's ok. But please do keep coming and keep being honest. You are not weighing anyone down, I can guarantee it.

[rustop61]

Honesty

Hi Heart

We have all been there and done that. Some of us have been on the site with slips and successes and we post them. We are on different parts of the same journey. You are not the only one struggling. There is a thread over in newbies ODAT, one day at a time, why not come over and join us.

Rustop

[satori]

Honesty

With me - Wot you see is wot you get!

I was here 5 months before going AF - moderating fairly successfully - had a couple of slips - one almost "a killer" that stopped me coming back here.
But luckily one of the senior members on here basically persuaded me to come back and try again.

Only after 5 months did I get up the courage to try going AF - and - for me - it stuck and was what works best for me.
I now know from experience that mods is probably never going to be an option for me!

I am still here because I

a) need the contact to keep me reminded of where I came from and where I could end up again.

b)want to help somebody else the way that I was helped by the people here in general - and that one member in particular.

I have a real life back because of this place!

Oh - and if I fall off my AF - you WILL be the first to know .....apart from me of course...and my wife.........and my kids................and the neighbours.........and............

Well - you know what I meant!

Love

satori

xxx

[betty boop]

Honesty

Myheart, You must remember that I posted here a few weeks ago saying that I was struggling, and boy did I get some responses!!!!! The support was amazing, we are ALL here for each other so post whatever you feel .......

Love & Hugs, :l :h :l

[Determinatrix]

Honesty

Heart, Without comparing yourself to others here, do you feel that you have achieved any success towards your goals? For some, just getting thru one day is a tremendous success.
Just the ability to be honest is an incredible feat.
Count your all your successes, big and small. They are all positive steps on the path of your journey.

Chin up,
Dx

[AMELIA]

Honesty

Heart, I have been on the site since August 2006. That is over a year. I am still not AF, but since joining the site I have had more consecutive days AF than I would ever have had, had I not had the programme, knowledge and support from this site.
I look at the boards and see a huge range of levels of 'achievement'. Everyone is different.
Go at your own pace and work out what your goals are. How can you reach them day by day?
Perhaps you are setting your standard too high and therefore setting yourself up to feel disappointed.
Just keep on reading and posting and assessing how YOU feel and what will work for you.
xx

[Roxanne]

Honesty

Well, even though I'm 8 days AF, I don't feel like I'm doing well at all. I seem to get through the evenings alright, which doesn't make sense because my husband will have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, but it's the days that are a trigger for me and it's a constant battle to fight the temptation. It was so strong the other day, I bought some non-alcoholic beer. Seriously, I don't even know if it's the buzz I like -- I really just like the taste of beer and wine. I've got a huge liquor cabinet with every kind of liquor and it never crosses my mind to get into it, but that last Heineken is definitely weighing on my mind. To make matters worse, my husband is in the wine business so we have case upon case of really fabulous wine. If not for the health problems I've had the last six months, I'm not sure I would be AF right now even though I've been trying to moderate since April 2006. I don't know why this is so hard -- I don't seem to have any problem saying no to food, and I love to eat!

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Honesty

Heart--
I have been on this site for well over a year. I am STILL struggling daily, but do think sticking around here is the right thing for me to do. The fact I have gotten even a few days AF here and there, to me, is progress. AND I refuse to give up. I don't post all that much (dont want everyone to get tired of me blowing it!) but I do share on chat, and I am always honest about where my drinking is. Believe me, you are not alone here. Just gotta keep on trying.

Love,

Beth

[vinophile]

Honesty

Heart,
I, too, have been here for over one year. I have made quite a dent in my drinking and have gone for several stretched AF. However I struggle and then fall back down, I struggle and then fall back down. When I do fall it is because I have taken my eye off the ball,in other words, remaining sober has not been a priority. At this point, I often post and read less her at MWO. It's a vicious circle of drinking and then keeping away from MWO becasue you feel like a failure. Tehn you drink some more because you don't have the support of this site. Staying close to the site is very helpful.

I give you full credit for staying and posting when you feel you are not attaining the goal you would like to achieve. I think it's important to stick around here successful or not.

I know several times I have felt like a bit of a failure because of my drinking. If I dust myself off come back here and humbly admit that I've been drinking I feel so much better.
I think most of us are honest here. If I've been drinking I don't post here. In that case the only person I'm not being honest with is me.

Good luck. We are always here no matter what!!

Janet

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Honesty

Wow, You guys are pretty amazing.

In real life I'm the one that usually helps others and I hate to be a "taker" instead of a "giver" but I just can't believe what a struggle this is. Two weeks off supps was not a good thing for me. I have improved since being here #1 just for making the decision and the effort to cut back...to care enough about myself to do that ya know? I didn't even know supps or meds existed to help with over drinking before I came here. I did have a very stressful day yesterday and my son ended up in the hospital, he is OK, he broke his finger playing basketball at school. I don't know by the time it was all over with I just said screw it I'm drinking...then I felt like why is this a crutch for me? and maybe others just don't post heir screw ups and that's OK too. My response to stress is always a bottle of wine. Maybe I need to replace it with something else? I really appreciated all of your responses. THANK YOU

Myheart

[wonderworld]

Honesty

Hi My heart -

I always post my flubs. As painful as it is. If I'm not honest here, then where? I need someone to know. And there's no judgment here. Just compassion, support and sometimes some tough love. But I'm here for ME, and because I really WANT to quit, you know? So being honest makes sense.

But keep in mind too , that not everyone here has the goal of being AF, and so don't count AF days necessarily. People who are moderating may not talk about every drink, but they do seem to talk about it when it feels like the drinking is creeping up so they can adjust it.

Anyway - I think it's good to talk about what's happening - no matter what it is. That daily 'check in' and any feedback I get from it is helpful. I think the point is to keep trying no matter what, and keep examining your triggers and habits, and what's working and what isn't. No judgment. I think that's the process. And it's for YOU to figure out with the help and support here. It's YOUR journey and you need to find YOUR answers! And you're right - it's a big struggle to take on. But you're doing it! that's the important thing.

Glad you're here. 'See' you tomorrow!

Wonder

[HopefulNow]

Honesty

,

I think you've inadvertently touched on something important. You've said you're a "giver" and not a "taker" - I think that's telling for those of us on this board.

I, for one, tend to be non-confrontational, for example. A non-stirrer-of-the-pot. A "meeter" rather than a "leader," if that makes any sense. Or put another way, a "giver" and not a "taker."

I think we with our issues tend to subjugate ourselves to a degree, and stretched a bit farther, we're also "pleasers."

Does that make sense?

It does to/for me.

I'm SO much more comfortable making OTHERS comfy...fetching coffee rather than demanding coffee, if you will...and I'm not sure I'll ever be comfortable otherwise.

Having said that, though, there's GOT to be some way to be more comfortable in my coffee-fetching skin, some way that I don't feel less-than...and driven to drink myself into comfort. If that makes any sense at all...

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

-HopefulNow?

[MyOwnWoman]

Honesty

hey My Heart,
I still stuggle. It's much easier than it used to be, I drink FAR less than I used to, but still overdrink when I do drink. (Like on Thanksgiving I was so bummed because I spent the day alone I drank a bottle of wine AND a six pack of beer.) I didn't post that before, no real reason, but I have been clear that I am drinking 2-3 days a week. I think I have accepted that and don't consider those days as screw-ups, because I have all those AF days, which I thought were IMPOSSIBLE before I got here. I feel I'm just in the midst of my own process and progress. We all are.

I think most important (it has been for me anyway) is to let go of judgement of yourself. Don't beat up on yourself for not being at the same point in your process as someone else is, or for not being at your "goal" yet. The self-judgement is the addicts worse enemy, if you ask me. I have come far in letting go of beating myself up, and my desire for drink is continually dwindling. For instance, I just realized tonight that I now have 7 straight days AF (!!!!) - and I wasn't even trying, or thinking about it.

It kinda seems like as I'm letting go of the inner-struggle it is letting go of me.

[CaptJBean]

Honesty

I struggle every single day... some days more than others...
Thanks for being honest.
Try REBT and SMART. Org it too will help.